In a world where emotional intelligence and mindfulness are the main topics of all mainstream trainings and workshops, we are bombarded with too many tools, which leave us puzzled. I often think after listening to a podcast or reading an article, that ok, I read a book and I feel my confidence is up but what are the practical steps I can practice everyday. I have tried affirmations, meditation etc., but I needed something which I could anytime like while walking, travelling, listening etc. I gather that it doesn’t have to be difficult if we start small and keep it simple. So, I sought the most common activity that I do in a day, which is “Interacting with people” and I thought how can I be mindful or increase my “EQ” while listening and talking?

Here are few tips that I came up with which might help you to be present whether is it while talking to someone or simply listening to someone:

  • Do not multi-task – Give the person your full, undivided attention. Most of the people today complain of the other person does not hear them properly, they are either busy on their phones, or typing on their laptops or simply appearing to be not-interesting (rude!!)
  • Recap or Summarize what the person is sharing – Always remember to summarize what the person just told you. It will solve two purposes, one that you will have to give your undivided attention to him/her (step 1) to understand and secondly once you summarize correctly, the person will trust you with more information.
  • WAIT !! – Yes, stop and think about the person’s query or discussion topic before forming opinions or giving rehearsed answers. Don’t worry, person will appreciate if you will take a pause and answer him what he wants to know or simply know your opinion.
  • Breathe – Simple, isn’t it. Remember to breathe as it brings your focus to what’s most important at that moment – which is? – The person in front of you.

So, what so you think? Are they easy enough for you? Please share your thoughts!!

221 responses to “Are you really listening to what I am saying?”

  1. I love this! I’m actually speaking at a behavioural solutions conference in April on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Present moment is one of the processes and it always shocks me when people think it is much more complicated than it needs to be. You can do it washing the dishes for heavens sake! 🙂 These were really great examples.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am really glad you liked them. Maybe you can use them at your conference:)
      Best to you

      Like

      1. Thanks for liking my video!!! Very much appreciated!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. All your posts are amazing,keep up the good work 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Pratishtha.
      Best to you too

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you 🙂 Your name?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I had a feeling that you’d be Indian.Hehe 🙂 Nice to meet you.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It’s nice to meet you here too.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Hi Garima ! Amazing post. Thank you for sharing. By the way, do you know meaning of your name in “Hindi” ? if not let me tell you :).. it means “Dignity” !!!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Hi Anil, and all this while, I thought it was “Grace”:). Thank you for your kind words on post, I am glad you liked it.
        Sending my best to you

        Liked by 1 person

  3. There’s a bit of word play I use when I can or when appropriate. I say goodbye by saying, “Have a great day” and the usual reply is, “You too” then I say, “i’m going to “in spite of myself”.. Yes it’s mine and everyone can use it—-Like everyone wants to…—Smile—

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, perfect, you made it a whisper and a shout at the same time. Bravo!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. Glad you liked it.
      Best to you

      Like

  5. Hello! Thank you for discovering how to be socially present in the moment and for letting us know.

    Like

  6. I am so happy to come across your blog. Wonderful writings !

    …….and thanks for liking my work !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for returning the favour.
      Best to you

      Like

  7. I have a friend who is a cashier at Target. She made the comment the other day that she went an entire shift where no one, not a single person, made eye contact or engaged with her during the transaction. Everyone was on the phone or barking at someone else. It broke my heart. She has always loved her job because it gives her the chance to interact with so many people (In fact, my weedlings and i make it a point to always go thru her line – She is that special.). To go an entire shift where she is ignored… Please, people! Put down your phone for 30 seconds, smile, and say hi! To many, it means all the world to be the focus of your smile, even if only for a fleeting moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing this wonderful incident. This goes to show how ignorant are people these days. This actually has given me another idea, to write a post on how to get someone’s attention:)
      Thanks again for visiting my blog.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Communicating with other people is easy…..Not! We all listen to others but hearing what they are actually saying and also understanding them. Yes, most of us have to retrain ourselves to actually not only hear, but understand what people are saying to us. As a life coach I know the importance of this and I had to “re-educate” myself. Concentrating on the hear and now, I started by making myself take note of my surroundings, the noise of the birds, texture of the ground, the colour of the grass. (Have you noticed how many shades of green there are in grass). Sounds easy but in our often hectic lifestyles we are normally thinking of a multitude of things, every one of which is distracting of the hear and now, distracting us from listening, hearing and understanding whom we are talking to at the present. The benefits of re-educating yourself to this are amazing and you will find that you begin to gain clarity in a hectic and disorganised world.

    Good Blog 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the insight. Truth be told I want to become a life coach myself. It’s a secret desire :). Something that I have been seriously considering for some time now. Thanks again for the wonderful words. You have inspired me on many levels
      Best to you

      Like

  9. Such a succinct treatment of a vital skill! This topic has been on my mind for a very long time. Cultivating respectful listening habits would solve many, many ills. Thank you, also, for your visit and your ‘like.’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you foe returning the favour.
      Best to you

      Like

  10. Its easy but the only and the major drawback is that nowadays people have become (or tend do be) too much busy, they don’t even have time for interacting with their close ones soo its very difficult to find someone who can be willing and has time enough to interact.!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi, I agree with you. For things to change, the people behaviour needs to change. We should start with ourselves first (Atleast I desperately need to improve). Once people see a change in us and like it (obviously they will, everyone likes attention when they speak), they would want to reciprocate the same behaviour and the chain continues. What say?
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi, yup that’s completely true. Its upon us to make the effort and build such a relationship with the other person that he feels comfortable and also knows that his words are important to us. I kind of do this with my friends. I make them read my stuff and get their feedbacks and share my ideas with them. I have been writing for a year now but I have started using social platforms to share my writings recently. I would like you to come to my WordPress website and read my stuff specially my first blog and give me feedback. Best To You as Well. And Happy Holi. Holi is the festival of colours that we celebrate here in India annually.!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Happy Holi !! Did you have your Gujia already?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No not yet.!!😞 but I’ll surely have it.!!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Breathing is the simplest and the most powerful. It really works. Thanks for sharing.. I believe we are on the same path.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad you feel the same.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Well said…far too often people don’t use active listening skills. =) Reminders like this are always a great idea. Now following your blog…I want to read more of your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And I shall write soon.
      Best to you

      Like

      1. Looking forward to that. =)

        Liked by 2 people

  13. Do you understand Hindi ?

    Like

    1. Ofcourse I do. Happy Holi

      Like

      1. Happy holiday to you as well ,I thought you are foreigner as your name ,using for blog suggests that

        Like

      2. Sorry its holi not holiday

        Like

  14. True about most times we seem to not give our full attention to anyone or anything as a matter of fact. Not only are our fingers tapping on the laptops or smartphones or remote of our tvs but our minds are running haywire. To do nothing sounds simple but is something one needs to do with complete awareness isn’t it ? 🙂 Thank you for liking my post. Have a great day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for liking my post in return.
      Best to you

      Liked by 2 people

  15. Amazing steps… Keep motivating 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the appreciation.
      Best to you as well

      Liked by 1 person

  16. donutcountycop

    Well done! Unfortunately we’re on the precipice of losing the most basic forms of human interaction, and it’s extremely hard for folks to separate themselves from some version of a screen. Granted, I’m looking at one now, but at least I’m by myself!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Yes, I listened while I read it aloud. It’s absolutely correct. I learnt this first from Dale Carnegie’s How to win friends and influence people. Read it once if you haven’t. It’s important to make people feel important. Good read. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks I will definitely get my hands on it.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Yeah. Undivided attention is what people need

    Liked by 1 person

  19. your post is lovely sister….just like you….undivided attention???? its hard…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Taylor Jamieson

    Great tips! I practice on my kids before hitting up my team at work. You can’t text and talk to my 6 year old without getting the hand on the screen “are you listening” reprimand.

    Seriously though, the coaching response model of continually asking questions rather than offering opinions and advice is the greatest confidence builder in others esteem and your commitment to the relationship.

    Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, thanks for liking the post. I couldn’t agree more. Coaching patient through motivational interviewing is quite similar, but even to ask those leading questions, one needs to be present in the moment.
      Thanks again.
      Best to you

      Like

  21. This is so thought provoking, thank you for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad you liked it. Thank you
      Best to you

      Like

  22. This is great. It’s so needed. As a blogger, I keep thinking, writing, visualising and may miss a few good moments by not being mentally present. This helps. It’s good to disconnect perhaps, just at times.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, I am glad you found them useful. It’s in the awareness lies the truth of everything. Complicated stuff but worth exploring. 🙂
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Guilty as charged…. I do sometimes start filling the dishwasher while I am on the phone… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well…. probably not…. except if I am actually quite busy… and depending on who is on the phone, to be honest… 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  24. My Grandma called me today. She is in her 90’s and I was right in the blogging grove. I could tell my mind would not listen so I quickly left the computer so I could give her my full attention. Then I chatted with my Grandpa also in his 90’s again giving him my full attention. Then I read your post and yes I am glad I walked away from my computer. Great post sorry I seem a little chatty on my comment but it really hit home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are not chatty at all, in fact I am so glad you mentioned this. This is exactly what I wanted to convey through my post. Thank you. Words works in mysterious ways.
      Best to you and your grandparents. May they remain in the best of their health.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Yes! Keep it simple, ( something I tend to overdo ) listen, ( I do have a lot of patience ) and breathe??? Ahh…I have to work on that one!
    I really like your blog. Thank you for reading mine. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, I really enjoyed reading you post. Thanks for visiting my blog.
      Best to you

      Like

  26. Personally for me, staying focus on what the other person has to say is not an easy task. I noticed I start losing my attention as the other party babbling on. I came to the conclusion I suffer from minor ADHD. Even though I tend to be the one who babbles most of the time. 🙂 I like ur post, btw.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi, it’s all about practice. We can condition our mind to do anything. Good luck

      Like

  27. cpsingleton42

    Interesting piece. This year has seen my attempting to up my mindfulness and this piece will had to the exercise. Fanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mindfulness is powerful. I have started practising it myself recently and the insights that it gives are life changing. Hope you are having a similar experience. Thanks for stopping by.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It certainly is an eye opener. Many thanks to you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks so much for getting rid inspired:)
        Best to you

        Like

  28. These are fantastic tips, thank you! I struggle with meditation as well… I find that I’m expecting so much out of it that when I’m not relaxed and calm by the end of it I get even more anxious!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well we all face those demons with meditations don’t we. But we all are work in progress. Good luck with your journey.
      Best to you

      Like

  29. Yes, children need to be taught this all throughout so the next generation of adults are confident in living in the moment. 👌🏻

    Like

  30. Don’t learn the tricks of the trade learn the trade

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Really interesting, I’m working on a piece around anxiety and the moment but think this also really ties into overall happiness which I’ve tried to touch on myself. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh great, I am glad my post could help you in some way. I look forward to your post.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I believe that 2:1 (ears : mouth) ratio means we should listen more… that we can learn far more by really hearing someone out… more than if we are merely (your words) “giving rehearsed answers.” I’m so glad you liked by blog… if you hadn’t… I’d have never found your “Be inspired” website. I thank you… I’m going follow you… to ensure I can learn more about your refreshing philosophy of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for the appreciation and the follow.

      Liked by 1 person

  33. Really like your work
    And really appreciate you liking my posts as a newbie
    thanks alot

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for returning the favour champ.
      Good luck

      Liked by 1 person

      1. thanks
        anytime buddy

        Liked by 1 person

  34. sometimes we forget to just simply ‘breathe’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Breathe in…breathe out….takes practice but that’s the only way we can hold on to our sanity in this crazy world, don’t you think?
      Thanks for stopping by.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  35. To be Truth you must live and walk in a world that is silent.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah the Stillness Speaks indeed. The power is in the silence, the stillness. Thanks a lot for the reminder.
      Best to you

      Like

  36. UniqueStyleCreates

    I love this. Plan and easy, respecting the person that is in front of you and being intentional in our conversations. Builds trust and strengthens relationships.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi, ahh exactly. We are in such an era where respecting the other person has actually come down to listening to them. But there always something to learn isn’t it?! Thanks very much for stopping by.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Different and useful information.
    Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, I am so glad you found it useful. Just breathe and listen:) I am working on it as we speak.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  38. This is a great post. Many people (including myself) forget about basic mannerisms towards others. Good reminder. Thank you👍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are most welcome. Well I forget to be polite to. But then being aware and trying to change our behaviour is all what this life is about, isn’t it?
      Best to you

      Like

  39. Great tips. I believe multi-tasking is from the pit of Hell. You can’t give 100% to more than one thing at a time. So if you’re suppose to be listening and on your phone or iPad you’re not giving 100% to the person talking to you. Thanks for visiting my blog. Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for returning the favour. Mindfulness is the key to the journey within.
      Best to you

      Like

  40. I think for listening to ur true innerself its important that you give your mind the rechaging that it needs especially after experiencing everything in the outside world which comes through consistent and long term practise of pranayam & meditation .The keywords are consistent and longterm

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ahh..yes mindfulness is very important. Just few minutes in a day in a quiet corner. It rests your mind. Some people also suggest in multiple times in a day. 🙂 thanks for sharing your thoughts. It served as a gentle reminder for simple yet important things in life.
      Best to you

      Like

  41. Are you familiar with the book “Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy”? It is by Andrew Newburg, a neuroscientist.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh seems like an intriguing title to read. Thanks for sharing. I shall check it out

      Liked by 1 person

  42. I have just started practicing something new. I know that for most of my life I have tried to keep situation’s comfortable
    As if I were somehow the director, in charge of small successes, and responsible for problems. Recently I’ve started interacting with people while practicing remaining totally focused on being who I am. This means I don’t change anything about who I am to suit the other person or the situation. Wonderfully, I am objective about interactions and work toward being true to myself which, since I am genuinely caring, means actively seeking ways to be kind and express myself in a way that give something back to the other person. If you followed my rambling this far, try what I’m suggesting and you may discover that you too tend to be a different person with different people. When I’m true to myself everything works. My listening is more genuine and my speaking more meaningful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh..great thoughts. Thank you. There is always more to learn.

      Liked by 1 person

  43. unsociablepeopleperson

    The key to effective communication is definitely to listen as much as you speak. Too many people do not understand this. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am glad you liked it.
      Best to you

      Like

  44. Yes! If I just take time to do those simple things… thank you for reading my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. great tips for listening, connecting and staying in the moment

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Madeline. I am glad you liked it. Thanks again for visiting my blog.
      Best to you

      Like

  46. Wow, great post with very original tips!
    Thanks for reading and liking my post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, thank you for the encouragement. I am glad you liked the post. I look forward to reading more of your blog posts as well.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

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