21st century is an age of Extrospection.  Merriam-Webster dictionary meaning of Extrospection is “examination or observation of what is outside oneself”. And the simplest way of practising Extrospection is showing Empathy. Now, we all understand empathy as putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and looking at the situation, think their thoughts and feel their feelings. But above all, empathy is a choice and we all make this choice of whether or not to be empathetic every moment of everyday.

But are we really empathetic? Lets find out what we have become today and what an empathetic person is?

  1. “I am the best” – The 20th century was an age of introspection.  That age taught us that the best way to discover our lives and who we are, is to look within ourselves. And that pushes us to pursuing a lifestyle through self-interest. Most of the self-help books written in the past century would teach us that. So, thanks to our ancestors, we are selfish human beings. it is unnatural for us to think of others first. Also, we like to world to think and act just like us. An empathetic person thinks about the other person’s perspective first. No, it’s not sacrificing your happiness for the others. Nope. It about being sensitive about the other person’s feelings. Most of the time, the other person is saying the same thing but with different words. Think and don’t jump to be heard.

2. “Screw it…just do it” – Our age is result oriented. We are also the age of working in teams. Working in teams can help achieve fantastic results in every area. But we get so focused on the results, that we start working in isolation. We just think about our area of work and not how our work can benefit others and vice versa in achieving a common objective. Your way might be right for you, not for others. As a team member, we need to understand where everyone is coming from and how a true collaboration can happen. It’s not just about our development, it’s about developing others and helping others to do their best. An empathetic person doesn’t rush, he thinks about others and what they want to do and then starts thinking about how his expertise and work can completed others towards the common goal.

3.  “Just listen to me” – So how often have you heard this being said to you or to others? Many time is my guess. We just want to be heard. We think we are effective listeners, but we are not. We live in an extroverted world, where “everybody needs somebody” just to hear them out. Communication has become conversations where one person is just waiting for the other person to take a breath, that pause is where he quickly jumps in and gives his views which may or may to be directly related to the topic being discussed. Also, since we like to be liked by other people, we all believe that we are empathetic towards everyone. An empathetic person hears you, he understands where you are coming from. He suggests (doesn’t impose) solutions, he empathise (not criticises). He wants to know more about it (doesn’t want to end it after the download).

4. “No one can think like me, I can make it big, if they let me” – Another disadvantage of the extroverted, self-centred society we live in. The problem is that we think too much. And when we think too much we create more problems and then the solutions to those problems, which gives us a sense of false bravery and intelligence. We don’t realise that we complicate things ourselves unnecessarily. An empathetic person has confidence in himself but in others too. He respects the other person’s expertise and opinion. He is open to suggestions and can work according to his team members rather than “singing from his own hymn sheet.” He never thinks that he is the most intelligent of the lot. He allows himself to be part of the herd and not an outlier.

So, are you empathetic? Well, truth be told, I am not. But, I am learning. How I understand empathy is “seeing from the eyes of another, listening to from the ears of another and feeling from the heart of another.” Which is a herculean task. But atleast am trying.

It’s a long life and it can be lonely sometimes. Every body requires somebody who has their back. Which side do you want to be on is your choice.

Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments section. Until next time.

123 responses to “Empathy is a Choice !!”

  1. ” Communication has become conversations where one person is just waiting for the other person to take a breath, that pause is where he quickly jumps in and gives his views which may or may to be directly related to the topic being discussed. Also, since we like to be liked by other people, we all believe that we are empathetic towards everyone. An empathetic person hears you, he understands where you are coming from. He suggests (doesn’t impose) solutions, he empathise (not criticises). He wants to know more about it (doesn’t want to end it after the download).”

    Very well said. Only if we all started listening each other with patience. 🙂

    I liked this article and I feel I am also not very empathic. I am learning to be empathic and your advice is a great help. Great picture to go with this article too.

    Thank you so much Garima 🙂

    Best Wishes,
    Anand 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks for such kind words Anand. I am glad to see those lines inspire you. Those are my favourite lines too. The picture in your DP shows you seemed to have aged miraculously overnight..haha..!!! Take care. Nice to hear from you.
      Best
      Garima

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahahha LOL 😀 sad but yes. 😀 Thanks for sharing this again 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Actually, empathy may be genetic as individuals with the G allele tend to be more prosocial, nonetheless, everyone can learn to be more empathetic, and should. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Kimberly, I am glad you liked the post. Empathy is a choice everyone in this century should make.
      Best
      Garima

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Great post. I agree that in our culture it is all too easy to take oneself too seriously and live as if in a vacuum. How much richer life would be if we all notice the value of those around us.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for such wonderful words Joe. This world would be a different place even if we start practicing empathising with one person every day.
      Best
      Garima

      Like

  4. Very well written… Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked it. Thank you for those kind words.

      Best
      Garima

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Really enjoyed reading this, you really made me stop and think! Thank you 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such kind words. I glad you liked it.

      Best
      Garima

      Like

  6. Mother Teresa said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” I guess Empathy is the first step towards this…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. in some sense, empathy is a skill that can be learned. Nonetheless, the emphatic quality is inherent to human brains. For example, mirror neurons. Two caveats, hardwired empathy is biased to differentiate between in-group and out-groups and emphatic capacity is morally neutral as this capacity of see things from the perspective of the other can be used to take advantage of the other

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Definitely something I have been working on from January (mainly for a part of my course).
    I liked reading this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by.
      Best
      Garima

      Like

  9. empathy, tolerance, compassion and freedom!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you for visiting my blog, Garima.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I do agree with your article! We are encouraged to push ourselves forward, to consider that we automatically deserve that which we want, and generally it is Self that is behind our options and activities. This hectic world keeps us so ‘busy’ that we don’t often give ourselves the chance to consider others.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Collaboration/cooperation is the most effect tool our species has, and empathy/altruism are the emotions supporting that. “A selfish individual can always defeat an altruistic one…but a group of selfish individuals stands no chance against a group of altruistic folks” ~E.O.Wilson

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Part of choosing to be empathic regardless of genetics is practicing, learning and being mindful. It comes easy for some people while for others it is not. The thing to remember that is something that can learned and honed. Wonderful advice 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I think there’s an interesting relation between what you call the introspective age, and the atomistic, or individualistic age. In fact perhaps entering an age of individualism, (some argue around the 16th century with the popularity of Calvinist Christian moral and practices) paved the way for introspection). Yes, I believe so now I think about it.

    There’s a connection between extrovert-community as there is between introvert-individualist.
    If only we could combine reflection and possessing a conscience, with being ‘extroverted’ or community minded.

    I think empathy breeds empathy; I have learnt it best from others’ looking out for me and being kind. By the same token, if we each practice it in a genuine way, at least with friends to start off with, it /will/ spread.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Interesting some food for thought here

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked it. Thank you.
      Best to you

      Like

  16. Oh, I love this post! Empathy is something I try to practice every day, often through mindfulness. I find that being mindful makes you tune into your surroundings, including the people and animals around you. From there, it’s hard not to be empathetic. Especially if you reach a state of mindfulness in which you experience joy. Just discovered your blog (thank you for liking one of my posts). I really enjoy your writing style – it’s very energetic while managing the difficult task of tackling deep subjects and keeping it light. Great job!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for such kind words Melody. I am glad you are practising mindfulness,it has all the answers.
      I really liked your post. Looking forward to read more from your side.

      Best to you

      Like

  17. These words are so inspiring! Thank you for sharing your story 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked them.
      Best

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Empathy truly is a choice because as much as we would like to be able to understand others,how much can one person handle? We can only go so far as a single person in a world filled with so many.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh such kind words. Indeed empathy is the most valuable asset mankind can have. Thank you.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Firstly, thanks for liking my poem.
    Now, let me say I love this post. One thought for now. So many people confuse empathy with sympathy when the two are entirely different. Occasionally I might say to another; “I feel empathetic for that person’s plight.” In response, they’ll say; “Yes, I feel sympathetic for them too.”
    As you articulate so well, empathy is not about feeling sorry for someone else but about ‘putting yourself in their shoes,’ so to speak.
    To finish, your section “just listen to me” reminds me of the guy at a dinner party talking to another. Sick of talking about himself, he says; “That’s enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha. Thanks so much for stopping by. I am glad you liked my post and your thoughts resonate the same way on empathy as mine. It is very ironical how people confuse a simple thing like empathy with sympathy, I was one of them too until I experienced empathy myself.
      Best to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. This is so very true. Without empathy, or at least trying for empathy, our societally trained reaction is to demonize anyone different. Someone with empathy, as you said, strives to understand and appreciate differences.

    You are a wonderful writer, I look forward to reading more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for those kind words.
      Best to you too

      Like

  21. Ha! ha! I cherish your ending. As I was reading, my thought for a comment was like they say, “if the shoe fits, wear it”.
    Well the shoe in your description of non empathetic fits quite well in my former feet. So, when you beautifully ended with your humble, “I am not.”
    I burst in laughter! Then you said, “At least I am trying.”
    Well, me too, for years on end I tried & tried that empathy thing to no avail. Then one day I heard His voice quite clear, “Stop trying and Start Trusting.” Wow! What a revelation!
    Even so, it took my Father years on end to finally engraved within my being that trusting thing. Why?
    Well, because all things happen in His due time, just as simple as that. Of course, as selfish & complicated human beings we do not cater to simplicity.
    We got to figure out things before we allow ourselves to accept the simplicity of our Father in the heavens.
    Thus, our Father teaches us Obedience by the things we suffer in our trying instead of trusting.
    O what a blessed time now is. His due time, my turn finally came! I can now say, “I have quit trying! I gave up. I hit bottom. My brilliant mind and my raw emotional machine have finally ran out of fuel. Mercy! Mercy! I cried.
    Father? He graciously invested me with the power of love from on hing and vanished all traces of that false romantic thing that we all call ‘love’!
    Ha! Ha! HalleluYah! Now, I am empathetic, not because I say so, but, because that is the way it is by the power of love from on high invested upon me for the benefit of all!
    His love in my heart for all, thia/Basilia 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The power of love from on high, not hing–a typo correction.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Wow…I needed to read this right now..it came at the right time. Thank you. I agree with you that we need to figure things out for ourselves before we start trusting. I have been working on persistence for a couple of weeks now. Some good positive thought I am constantly saying to myself quietly. It brings a state of detachment from the surroundings and is bringing me some anxiety as well, thinking I have been saying all these good things to myself but when will they happen, the irony of thoughts..phew. So I also say to myself that everything is working out for my highest good, and only good is coming my way. When you said everything will happen at its right time, I knew it was for me. Thank you thank you thank you. I hope I had better words to communicate my thoughts for you right now.
      Regards

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks to you, my dear sister. I have been writing a nifty reply to you for the last hour. It was a really good one to my estimation but, it must not have been so in the eyes of our Father because my Internet quit and off the air went my nifty reply! Boo hoo, Boo hoo!
        Anyhow here is the end of that reply still in my clipboard,
        And so as my days advance with much gusto I can sing: I’m so joyful as I travel traveling with an angel band and I’m living so my life for Yahushua to shine!
        Singing & praising voices are raising Kingdom so fine, Kingdom so fine, Kingdom so fine!
        Someday my troubles will be over when I reach that joyful shore where with friends & loved ones I on manna will dine!
        What manna will we be dining on? We’ll be dining on the Bread from Heaven even Yahushua—my Master & King—my Redeemer & Keeper of my being—the object of my worship—the only reason for my existence! Ha! Ha! HalleluYah!
        His love in my heart for you,thia/Basilia

        Liked by 1 person

  22. The is so good thanks for posting this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked it. Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I coined the phrase interwoven monologues to describe so many meetings I sat through! Could not agree more about empathy and the general lack of it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by.
      Best to you

      Like

  24. Thank you for the visit to my blog! I appreciate your thoughts here, but offer a humble critique. The 20th Century wasn’t truly a century of introspection, which is actually a healthy thing and essential for developing empathy. This is because tue introspection helps form humility. What you describe is narcissism, which is a perversion of introspection and does indeed us off from empathy.

    What we see now is a profound lack of introspection, often being little more than narcissism turned outward – people are unable to look inward and embrace the truth, “I am part of the problem.” Or, if we do accept that truth, we accept it only so far as it allows us to feel like we’re allied with the “good guys” and anyone who isn’t absolutely aligned with that side is the enemy.

    As you say, empathy is a choice, and that choice begins with your own admission that you are not empathetic, but want to be. That is healthy introspection!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for stopping by. I tal alt liked your post. Looking forward to reading more of your posts fellow blogger.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Thank you for your post and for visiting my blog! I agree with you that empathy is most often a learned skill, though some people seem to be born with a greater share. Most very young children (under the age of 2 or so) are naturally inclined to share, from what I have observed. Perhaps social values of separation kick in from that point onward and often stifle that natural inclination. We also live in a culture which does not sufficiently respect our elders and wisdom acquired through experience. I feel that with age comes an ability to deal with frustration and disappointment. In addition to many years of dealing with reality, with outcomes which often differ from our own hopes and desires, also comes the realization that everyone is dealt an array of challenges with which they must somehow find a way to continue to live, to hope, and to grow. Empathy also comes from experience of the real, when we see that life is difficult for everyone. Over time, we realize that we can choose to be grateful for all of our experiences. As we grow older, we often stop needing to prove ourselves to anyone else…and choose to just enjoy being in the presence of others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wise words. You have given me a lot to think about. This is what I like about blogging platform, it is wonderful to know different perspective. Thank you for visiting my blog and writing is.
      Best to you

      Like

  26. “Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.”
    Stephen Covey

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wise words. Thanks for stopping by.
      Best to you

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Ok, Me again, Just to say, thanks for your like. I enjoy reading all your comments. I will post a new blog pretty soon. Hope you visit it as well. Later, 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Empathy can be so life shifting. It is such a gift to be heard and not talked over or judged. Thanks for trying to be more empathic, and for intending that for others as well. We’ll all get there. And thanks for visiting my LOA blog as well. I am now following you!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Thanks for stopping by

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was lovely to read your post. Thanks for returning the favour and visiting one of my posts. Hope you liked it. Do visit again
      Good luck.

      Like

  30. Across the lifespan our ability to empathize changes. I’ve noticed that with age empathy tends to grow because we let go of our driving ambitions and begin to live with more modest expectations. We are also more willing to see ourselves as part of a collective effort, not the center of the universe. Nice post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by.
      Good luck

      Like

  31. Well said. But I’d beg to differ a little. As rightly pointed out by you it is a choice but isn’t it equally important to strike the balance and be a little selfish and self introspective at the same time. As per your own observation we live in an era where most people are selfish and think of their own interest. Having said that to understand people is really important but on the other hand to protect our individuality and require people to understand. Isn’t it a practical thought? I’ve tried to be selfless and it is so difficult that you need someone to refuel your thoughts. Thank you for refuelling my selflessness but I’d suggest you to boost practicality too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said, there is indeed a thin line between selfishness and selflessness. I of all have faced the maximum problem in this areas as I usually work in binary, it’s either selfishness or selflessness. But I am aware of it and I try to change everytime. It’s the effort that count and yes as you rightly said preserving one’s own individuality in the process. Thank you so much for such thought provoking comment. Looking forward to reading more of your posts. Thanks again for stopping by.
      Good luck

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I am an ARA and definitely agree with you that empathy is “seeing from the eyes of another, listening to from the ears of another and feeling from the heart of another.” I only wish that more people had compassion and empathy for animals and the atrocities that happen to them.

    Like

  33. Extroversion is a new term for me. Yes, the mind has to strike a fine balance between individualism and empathy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am glad you are in unison with my thoughts. Thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.
      Good luck

      Like

  34. I appreciated this article due to the fact that you are interested in empathy and the empathy of others. For me, the quality of one’s empathy is directly correlative to their degree of objectivity. Energy is often displaced from high concentrations to lower concentrations… even vacuums of energy… like osmosis. If empathy is an energy that directs another person’s very feelings into the empath, the empath must create a void. He does this by relinquishing the importance of his feelings and sacrificing the heft of his ego in that moment of exchange. The “I” must cease to exist in order to truly relate to the other person’s identity, perspective and circumstance. The fruit of empathy is not the “if i were in your shoes, i would do this” equation. Empathy is [becoming the other] in the effort to truly understand them. No ego, no advice. It is a quiet and humble admonition that things simply are, and will always be, regardless of your influence. Objectivism. Observation. Awareness.

    I am madly introverted, by the way… but there is nothing more important to me than the human race. -Polistine

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for liking the article so much. I am glad you are inspired in many ways. The world is leading to a disruptive pages and empathy & compassion are our saviours.
      Good luck

      Like

  35. In my opinion when all is said and done, empathy is not a choice if one does not feel it. Like everything deeply felt and naturally flowing from the heart and soul ‘choosing’ it does not enter the equation. The behaviour can possibly be learned, but it remain dead letter if the inner feeling is missing.

    Like

  36. Thanks for the like! You seem to be doing great. God bless you!

    Like

  37. There is a great deal of interest in empathy among therapists of all stripes and varieties right now. I have a friend who specializes in communication challenges, as a therapist, who would disagree (but with a smile) that empathy “is a choice.” By this, she would mean that choosing not-empathy can never be a healthy/therapeutic choice. Choosing NotEmpathy is an intrinsically negative choice for communication, for building community, for living a healthy relational life. I suspect she is right. I also suspect she already knows that, because she is really good at this empathy practice, with full will and intent. Catherine Hogan is Executive Director of the Social Communication Foundation, in New Haven, CT Works a lot with kids who have been bullied and/or have trouble making friends, fitting in. Interesting website, I think it is socialcommunicationfoundation.org.

    You might be interested in her empathetic work with kids who are empathy-challenged.

    Like

  38. Glad you liked my post.

    Like

  39. I wish that I could like this post a million times. I am NOT an empathetic person most of the time. I’m capable of it, though it isn’t my natural reaction. Thank you for posting this. Would you mind if I reblogged this on my blog sometime?

    Like

    1. I wouldn’t mind at all girl…go ahead..

      Liked by 1 person

  40. Awesome post! It’s true that people need to become less self focused and more “others-focused”. If we all try to walk in the shoes of others judgementalism will become a thing of the past and we will see people as human “beings”. Let hating stop and love and acceptance commence!

    Like

  41. Very interesting article, thank you : )

    Like

  42. It was nice to be reminded what an empathetic person should be like, quite an insightful and honest post.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. For the past two years, I have been fixated on what empathy is, and what it means. I love how you posit empathy against our modern society, and talk about how it would look. A very good read, and insightful. Thank you!

    Like

  44. Well if I could just pluck out my eyes and give them to you, than you would understand. Epistle Paul. If you have been asked to go a mile, go with them Two miles. Jesus. No doubt that their is strength in numbers, is it because of our empathy or our respect for others? No wrong answer, they both are right. Perhaps one word for it is, love, because if you love others as yourself, then you will have empathy for other’s.

    Great blog enjoyed it!

    Like

  45. Reblogged this on Be Inspired..!! and commented:

    Time for Empathy again

    Like

  46. Very well written. I would suggest however, in my own humble opinion that sometimes being empathic isn’t a choice. 🙂

    Like

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