Ok, but if nobody is telling you nice things, why not start it yourself? Do it in whatever form you think it’s appropriate: send yourself emails, write in your calendar or leave yourself nice post- its on the desk. With something nice just for you.
I know it sounds awkward and, to some extent, it is. But it’s also very useful. And you know why? Because you are already telling yourself stuff, only you don’t do this consciously. You’re telling things to yourself in your mind. All the time.
Taking this process outside of your own mind, putting it on paper or making it visible in some form will only “make it legit”. And the most important part is that you will start to exert some form of control over it. As I said, most of the time you’re telling stuff to yourself unconsciously. Usually, bad stuff.
Do yourself a service and send future message to the future you. Again, you’ll be surprised how such a simple thing could change your mood so deeply.
How To Say Something Nice To Yourself And Don’t Feel Awkward
Or ridiculous. Talking to yourself consciously is usually considered a form of narcissism. Or, you know, something pathological. In many cases, it is. There’s a subtle limit between talking consciously to yourself in an non-abusive, unobtrusive way, and getting delusional. Here’s a short guideline that helped me when the going got though.
1 Replace “Don’t”s with “Do”s
Try to play “the replacement game”. Try to replace the “I don’t think this is gonna work”, for instance, with “I do think this is gonna work”. It’s a simple substitution game, very easy to understand, but quite difficult to implement. Because we have no idea how deeply wired these talking habits are in our brains. To play this game you really need a lot of presence, a lot of awareness and a certain penchant for playfulness. It’s really just a game, after all.
2 Talk With The Avatar
It helps if you don’t see yourself like a real person. If you try to do something important, to finish a project, for instance, try to detach from your own perspective and visualise yourself like an avatar in an adventure game. Imagine you have the controls for moving froward, backward, for picking up goods and so on. And talk to that avatar in such a way that he’ll finish that project. Again, I know this feels awkward, but it works.
3 Write It Down
This is part of the journaling thing that I talked so much about it. Every journal is in fact just another form of self-awareness, of self-dialogue. You write about yourself and it’s you who reads it. So, try to write in your journal parts that are nice about your life. Try to remember pleasant things, situations, contexts or gestures. Describe them in detail.
4 Stop Judgement
If you can’t say something nice about (or to) yourself, at least try to eliminate judgement. Don’t call yourself names, don’t hurt yourself with words. If you do talk, try to resume to facts, to situations. Don’t jump to conclusions. This is especially useful during crisis, when you’re under pressure. It’s one thing to be responsible for something and another to embrace guilt and punish yourself.
If you do just 2 or 3 out of these, you’re on the right path. We’re all different and what works for me may not work for you, but at least you have something to start with. Discover your own approaches, your own ways to talk to yourself.
Just keep it at the “nice” level.
Nice article 🙏
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Thank you
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I had to be taught this… By someone incredible 😍💖 I started enjoying buying flowers for myself 💐🌹Speaking kinder to myself, empowering myself… He always pointed my crazy long words of affection for him BACK TO ME ,❣️🤯 and taught me how to truly love myself..
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I agree that we should be positive and gentle with ourselves. But a lot of this comes from having a strong inner frame. We need to be independent in our thoughts and feelings so that the “surroundings on the bus” don’t get to us, all those gray faces and long expressions and neutral neutral neutral everywhere you look.
— Catxman
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Be kind to yourself by giving yourself some “me time” each day. Give Yourself Recognition. I agree with you. Often, we’re quick to acknowledge the achievements of others, but slow to acknowledge our own. That has to stop.
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I was able to Love him by loving Me 🥰
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Yassss…charity begins at home.
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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Thank you for the reblog.
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Always a joy and pleasure to read and share your posts with followers, My Dear! Hope you have a great day!! xoxox 😘💕🎁🌹
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V nice
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Glad you liked the post
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Thank you🥰🥰
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Thank you for sharing
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Great article!!
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Thank you Varvara. I think autosuggestion is very important. Auto-suggestion is nothing more than a method of obtaining this control, by hypnotizing the mind, so that it will act in the way we wish.
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That was awesome. Thanks!
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Most welcome
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I love this, the way you have presented such an important aspect. To love yourself. If you don’t who will?
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If an expert said you were doing something that’s stalling your career climb, you would stop doing it. Right? And if she said there’s one simple, guaranteed action that will fuel your career, you’d probably jump on it. Right? Well, here’s the secret sauce. Self-criticism and loathing build barriers to job motivation and career advancement, while self-compassion is an essential tool to excel in your career and life.
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i cannot agree more on this
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Awesome
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