Don’t Take It Personally

Never. Your world is shaped by your reaction to things, not by the things themselves. Don’t get upset, don’t think that somebody knows enough about you to have it right. Acknowledge the situation and move on.

Many times we are raising our hands to the sky, with bitterness and anger. Why this is happening to us? What did I do to deserve this? Why us, in the first place? Well, because this is how it is, that’s why.

Don’t take it personally. Anger and bitterness are just reactions to external factors. And external factors can always be modified outside your circle of influence. But your emotions, you have total control over them.

Sometimes things are just happening. Accept and move on. 

What Happens When You Take Things Personally

Suppose somebody tells you something. A simple act of communication. He addresses some words to you, in the audible form of sounds.

Now, after you hear those sounds, you start to put meaning on them. Your brain starts to create associations, based on previous learning. You begin to reconstruct, in your mind, what the other one wanted to tell you. And you do that based on your own life story, on your own experience, on your own understanding of things.

After you identified a certain amount of meaning, after you deressed up those sounds with a little bit of sense, you start judging. You ponder things.

In its simplest form, judging is just taking a position, finding a place for yourself in space, like “I’m relating to this”, or “I’m not relating to this”. In its more complex form, judging implies some action, like “I’m going to dislike these words and the person who spoke them and even the social group that that person belong to”.

Judging fuels reaction. The first two steps: hearing the sounds and making associations, they aren’t creating any reaction, they’re just integration phases. They’re helping us to understand the world and our place in it.

What generates action is judging. Our need to impose our own point of view onto others.

Now, back to our communication process: suppose you respond something to that person. You restart the same sequence of actions: first, you generate some sounds, then the other person starts to create associations and then, after he identifies some meaning (based, again, on what he previously learned) he may or may not start judging.

And this is happening all the time. Every day, every hour, every second of our lives are filled with this. Because we love to simplify stuff, we always assume that the other one understand exactly what we said. He is getting 100% of our message. Well, not quite.

It takes a lot of training and a lot of patience and a lot of learning to really understand each other. Everything we think we understand is in fact based on our own life experience. We always judge the other based on our experience, not on theirs. Because we don’t know their lives, we only know our life.

Every once in a while, with certain persons, under certain circumstances, we do get to a higher level of understanding. For instance, with our life partners. Or with our kids. Or with our colleagues at work, if we worked together for years. But that happens only because we had some shared experiences. Some shared past.

With the rest, we’re limited to our assumptions. We just think we know what they’re telling us, we assume we understand them and then act accordingly. No wonder our actions are almost always out of sync with other people expectations.

So, the moment you understand that it’s never about yourself, you simply don’t take it personal anymore. Because it’s such a waste of time.

Everything people talk about is based on their own story.

And your story is – in the vast majority of cases – completely different than theirs.

Be Grateful for Life Sucking

Support empress2inspire.blog

THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT. If are reading this, it means that something you read above intrigued you enough to keep reading till the end of the post. I am glad you liked it. Would you like to donate $1 for helping me maintain this blog?

$1.00

20 Comments Add yours

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Like

  1. Lokesh Sastya says:

    Don’t take it personally, right. I have kinda habit to regret my mistakes. Sometimes I overdo it. That should be not done.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Yes let it go

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lokesh Sastya says:

        😁

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Eloho says:

    At times circumstances make us wonder and we can’t help but take it personally. But we can call on inner strength at such times

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Oh well life comes in various shades of grey

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, this is how it happens: we choose a certain point of view or reaction to what is happening, based on personal life experience and associations that our brain has prepared. But how to avoid condemnation? After all, we are always faced with the need to make a choice in order to defend ourselves and justify our behavior to ourselves and others?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      We must make it a habit, first of all, to actually think about what we’re thinking about, and refuse to believe every last thought we think. One of the most helpful and soul-breathing truths in battling the “not enoughs” is that the Holy Spirit convicts; we don’t have to convict ourselves. There is a vast difference between self-conviction and Holy-Spirit conviction.

      When God convicts, He gets specific with us about our sin (“You were wrong to withhold forgiveness when your friend asked for it.”), He uses specific scriptures, and His kindness toward us leads to a hopeful conclusion– repentance and dependence. But when I convict myself or the enemy accuses, it is wide-ranging (“I’m a failure as a mother.”) and immediately defeatist. This line of thought only leads back to self: try harder and do better. In other words, I can make lists of action points, write sticky notes to remind myself of those action points, and vow to change myself, but I’ll only end up right back where I started–in guilt and condemnation.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Like

  4. Jarred says:

    Love the read. This is a struggling area for me and so many others. Inspiring!!! I say don’t take it personally because they don’t know me or my life story!!🎯🚨🌍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      To take things even further, with your fellow humans, taking things personally means engaging with others at your best. Not taking things personally, at worst, leads to dehumanization and moral disengagement—convincing yourself that ethical standards and other people don’t matter.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. SONDER says:

    Inspired!! Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Most welcome

      Like

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for the reblog

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always a joy and pleasure to read and share your posts with followers, My Dear! Hope you have a great day!! xoxox 😘💕🎁🌹

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.