How to Raise Highly Sensitive Children

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Highly sensitive children are often misunderstood. Their sensitivity is treated by the adults as “too emotional” and need to “toughen up.” This kind of response causes long lasting mental and emotional scars which in some cases affect the overall growth of the child even when they become adults. That’s why posts like these are important. We need to encourage our children to love their sensitivity from a young age. 

Here are seven things we should communicate to our sensitive children.

  1. “All of your emotions are acceptable.”

At some point in our lives, most of us have been told not to cry. While tears might be gaining an iota of societal respect, emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hurt continue to be judged as “unhealthy.” Highly sensitive children (HSCs) are wired to fully experience the entire spectrum of human emotion. When we give HSCs permission to experience their emotions without being told they’re bad, they benefit in a powerful way. Then, we can teach them tools to transform an emotion such as anger into creative fuel to do something constructive.

  1. “It’s healthy to experience emotion about injustice.”

At an early age, HSCs need to hear that it’s okay to get upset when they see others experiencing pain. This is a compassionate response, not an overreaction. Rather than dismissing their experiences, we need to acknowledge the hurt. When the time is right, help your child take meaningful action, such as starting a fundraiser, speaking out, or making a donation to a charitable organization that fights for the cause.

  1. “Let others know when you need alone time.”

Highly sensitive adults aren’t the only ones who need alone time. HSCs, whether they are introverts or extroverts, will need alone time after stimulating activities like attending birthday parties or play dates. Even just a normal day at school — with all its noise, activity, and socializing — can be fatiguing and overwhelming for them. Let’s teach HSCs to ask for alone time proactively. That way, it won’t come in the form of a meltdown later.

  1. “Listen to your body.”

HSPs are highly intuitive and can naturally sense subtleties. Unfortunately, our conditioning moves us away from listening to what our bodies intuitively tell us, so we may lose this connection as we get older. That’s why we should teach sensitive children to notice how their body feels, for example, when they eat a certain food or hang out with a certain friend. Similarly, when they are overwhelmed, we can teach them to find a place in their body that feels calm (like a finger or toe). This is a powerful grounding skill HSCs can use to regulate their bodies’ responses.

  1. “It’s okay to say no.”

Children are accustomed to hearing the word “no,” but they usually don’t get permission to use it themselves. Obviously, it’s up to parents to set their own boundaries for when “no” is acceptable. But consider asking if your child wants to go to Henry’s birthday party before simply sending the RSVP. Certainly, “no” is a delicate balancing act with children, but if encouraged mindfully, it can be an important step in learning healthy boundaries.

  1. “Take all the time you need to process.”

Just like adult HSPs, HSCs may require extra time to process information. According to Dr. Elaine Aron in The Highly Sensitive Person, one of the four characteristics of all highly sensitive people is “depth of processing.” This means that when HSCs receive information, they think about it deeply, analyzing the issue from many different angles and connecting it to a larger picture. Depth of processing can make life rich and meaningful for HSPs, but it also slows us down. Simply being patient and allowing your child extra time to process honors this special gift.

  1. “The world needs special people like you.”

There’s no question that our world needs more empathy, listening, and understanding. Sensitive children can also be extremely analytical and creative. Let’s show them — through our words and actions — that even though the world is challenging at times, their sensitivity is a gift that can help others in countless ways.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Mixed Focus says:

    Great post. Number 1 and 5 are very important for us to understand. Society has brought on the stereotype that crying is equal to weakness, and it’s important that we can express our emotions how we please, bottling up never ends well. Saying ‘yes’ to everything, while it pleases people, can be a very bad way to go through life. Enjoyed reading this!! – Conor

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      I agree. The first step is recognizing that there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive. In fact, a sensitive child can be one of the kindest, most compassionate kids you’ll ever meet. But raising a sensitive child can pose some parenting challenges, especially when it comes to discipline.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Durkwa says:

    Very useful post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Glad you liked the post. You can’t change your child’s natural temperament into a little thick-skinned toughie. And you shouldn’t: a sensitive nature is an asset, so you’ll want to help your child see it positively. Besides, a parent’s role isn’t to change children’s natural personality, but to help them cope more successfully and learn to control how they respond. Doing so can make a huge difference in boosting tender-hearted children’s friendship aptitude and helping them survive in a not-so-sensitive-world.

      Liked by 1 person

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