The Importance of Loving Yourself To Improve Your Relationship

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Welcome fellow souls to « The Human Family Crash Course Series, » a new project collaborated together by empress2inspire.blog and sensispirit.wordpress.com. Together we will be working on a different topic for each crash course; our second topic is focused on «Relationships.» Each topic will have eight posts with posts on Mondays and Thursdays. We hope you enjoy our series and we look forward to knowing how our posts have inspired you!

I know, I know we’ve all heard it before, “you can’t love others before you learn to love yourself first.” It seems so simple yet in reality we believe it to be complicated and it can be for us all. Let me start this off by saying that this statement is the truth. Self love plays a huge role in our relationships with others. Whether it be romantic relationships, or friendships, the way we treat ourselves will always be reflected in the quality of our relationships as a mirror.

Here are some tips to improve your love towards yourself so you can have healthier relationships:

  • People treat you the way you treat yourself. When you treat yourself without respect or love, you give others permission to do the same, think of it as a mirror reflection. So set high standards for yourself. Be able to stand up for yourself and say “I’m better than this. I’m not going to tolerate this happening to me.” If you don’t love yourself first, you’re not going to have any standard as to how others should treat you. When you have that unconditional self love, it’s a lot easier to recognize when people are giving you less than you deserve. You’ll notice that as you grow in your self love journey, you’ll cut ties with certain people because you realize they don’t make you feel good, they don’t uplift you, and they don’t help you grow. Yeah, it can be hard, and can even hurt. However, as your self love increases, your tolerance for negativity, and disrespect decreases, and these toxic relationships just won’t be worth your time and energy anymore.
  • Depending on other people to make you feel loved can result in unhealthy relationships. If you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself, you can’t reflect love very well in your relationships with others anyway. The more you love yourself, the more you can give to the others, and the more love you’ll attract from others. Love yourself first, so that if a relationship doesn’t work you won’t have the dependency pain of leaving a toxic or incompatible relationship.
  • Maintain a degree of space and independence. It’s unhealthy to allow relationships to absorb your identity and to lose yourself as a person. Keep your own tasks, your own activities, and your own friends. Spend healthy time apart doing your own thing to nurture your soul.
  • Don’t get disheartened when you see your flaws. A relationship will hold up a mirror to your “flaws”. Things you have learned to live with about yourself may irritate your partner, instead of getting into fights, decode what is irritating your partner and use this to improve yourself. 
  • Forgive yourself for your “failings” (lessons). Holding a grudge against yourself gets in the way of your self-love. It’s inevitable in a relationship that there will be times you say or do things that you regret or you end up hurting yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about it, forgive, understand the situation, practice compassion for yourself and set the weight on your shoulders free.
  • Affirm yourself. A common symptom of low self-worth is constantly seeking affirmation and validation. You don’t believe that the things that you do are good enough, so you obsess over them and seek compliments from others. You need to take a look at everything you’ve accomplished and give yourself some credit, know your worth. Otherwise, you can become susceptible to social anxieties and even phobias that will make relationships harder to build.
  • Service to others. It may seem counter intuitive however pouring yourself into other people as an act of service is a form of sharing your love with them and nurturing your loving side. Many studies have shown that acts of service benefit the giver and receiver. Developing a personality built on service translates to all of our relationships as a result. Being a dependable and giving friend creates a relationship that is built on goodwill and generosity. Even gestures in a romantic relationship fit into this paradigm, as they cultivate emotional benefits contributing to a larger goal (such as commitment).
  • Keep your eyes up. One of the foundational ways to improve relationships as well as communication is to practice strong posture and eye contact. When you slouch and look down, you are subconsciously communicating to yourself (and others) that you are being submissive to them. This is how someone is able to decipher instantly whether or not they can walk all over someone else. The result is that you aren’t respecting yourself, and you’re letting others disrespect you. The mirror effect. Displaying good body language and self-discipline will lead to self-respect and confidence. If you start to make a habit out of this attitude, then you will build relationships with others that are on equal terms.
  •  Create something. Whether you’re a painter, writer, athlete, construction worker or professional singer, creating something that is your manifestation is self-love. Producing things for work or art, shapes your self love into a person who has something valuable to offer to others. As you can imagine, this makes you a person that attracts people.

Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have, remember this.

We hoped this helped you gather some tools for your self-love tool box! Let us know below how you practice self-love to improve your relationships..

22 Comments Add yours

  1. Already did some of those:

    1. Service to others- have a passion for volunteering
    2. Learned to love myself- except for 1%
    3. Creating something- that does come from my blog. Even from the novels I am working on

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Wonderful

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tangela says:

    Thanks for this. It is so hard to treat yourself kindly and it is a daily practice.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      True daily practice is necessary

      Liked by 1 person

  3. LaDonna Remy says:

    These are wonderful strategies. I agree that loving oneself is a main ingredient in loving and being in relationship with others. I appreciate your points on service to others. I think it is an underutilized act of self love.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you LaDonna. We need to love ourselves a lot. It makes us humble

      Like

  4. Ayush says:

    Thank you. This was really a much needed post. I saved it as well 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Most welcome aayush

      Liked by 1 person

  5. CattleCapers says:

    I realized that pride kept me from accepting my flaws.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      We all have been there. You are brave in acknowledging that.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always a joy and pleasure to read and share your posts with followers, My Dear! Hope you have a great day!! xoxox 😘💕🎁🌹

        Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      🙌🏼🙌🏼

      Like

  6. Vivi says:

    Agree with you. Never let anyone make you feel lesser.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      It’s important to love yourself because of the simple truth that you cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself first. When you fully love yourself, this gives you the opportunity to move through the world with deeper compassion for others.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for this. I have low sekf confidence and it’s really affecting my marriage. I know that I need to do all that you said to improve my marriage because I see the effect my low self value has on it. It’s really hard though but I’m working on it. The thing I do most is seek approval and validation from my husband and it really irritates him. Instead of directly telling me, he gets upset or teases me and when i finally figured out it’s because he wants me to validate myself and not throw that responsibility on him (after 7 years of marriage I finally figured out that he was controlling me because he saw me as a weak person who couldn’t fend for herself and needed someone to hold her hand). Anyway, work in progress. Love all your posts. Very inspiring.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing your story. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Whether you’re trying to get hundreds of likes on Instagram or hoping to connect with someone on Tinder, sometimes it can seem like our happiness depends on other people in today’s society. But there are ways to stop seeking approval of others. The key is to begin with addressing your own thought process. Rather than seeking approval from external influences, try to find true happiness by developing a more stable relationship within yourself.

      Like

      1. GS says:

        🙌🏼

        Like

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