Leaving out comparison, judgements, and assumptions :
- Practice observing judgemental thoughts and statements, saying in your mind, “A judgmental thought arose in my mind.”
- Count judgemental thoughts and statements (by moving objects or pieces of paper from one pocket to another, by clicking a sports counter, or by marking a piece of paper).
- Replace judgemental thoughts and statements with nonjudgmental thoughts and statements.
– Tips for replacing judgement by stating the facts
1. Describe the facts of the event or situation, only what is observed with your senses.
2. Describe the consequences of the event. Keep to the facts.
3. Describe your own feelings in response to the facts (remember, emotions are not judgements).
- Observe your judgemental facial expressions, postures, and voice tones (including voice tones in your head).
- Change judgemental expressions, postures, and voice tones.
- Tell someone what you did today non judgementally, or about an event that occurred. Stay very concrete; only relate what you observed directly.
- Write out a nonjudgemental description of an event that prompted an emotion.
- Write out a judgemental blow by blow account of a particularly important episode in your day. Describe both what happened in your environment and what your thoughts, feelings, and actions were. Leave out any analysis of why something happened, or why you thought, felt, or acted as you did. Stick to the facts that you observed.
- Imagine a person you are angry with. Bring to mind what the person has done that has caused so much anger. Try to become that person, seeing life from that person’s point of view. Imagine that person’s feelings, thoughts, fears, hopes, and wishes. Imagine that person’s history and what has happened in his or her history. Imagine understanding that person.
- When judgemental, practice half smiling and/or willing hands.