Try identifying situations when you find yourself feeling jealous and write down for yourself:
1. When the feelings and jealous thoughts arise.
2. What actual thoughts go through your head.
3. (a) What you might say to yourself
(b) What you might do in terms of actions – to prevent the jealous thought from taking over and to retain your dignity.
You might for example:
- Remind yourself of those positive qualities that you do have and that these are not dependent on the approval or interest of the other person
- Count to 10 before opening your mouth in anger to allow you to collect your thoughts
- If there are others present, look at the other people in the room who are not involved in the situation and not even aware of it and start to wonder what they might be thinking about, as a way of taking your mind off the situation
- Remind yourself of similar situation when you have managed to stay in control and try to do again what you did then.
My experience is that particularly when combined with supportive encouragement from a coach, these techniques can be very effective in helping to reduce jealous feelings and in assisting you in staying in control of your actions.
If you find it difficult to manage your feelings of jealousy on your own, you may want to seek support from a counsellor, coach or psychotherapist. Generally, although not always, counsellors and psychotherapists work by seeking to look back into your past for the origins of jealousies. They may also work with clients over a long period of time.
Life coaches tend to work in a more forward-looking practical way providing a short number of focused sessions – seeking to look with you for specific practical actions that you can take to begin to address or manage your situation.
You will need to decide which you think is the most appropriate type of service for you and check that the person you are consulting has experience of success in working with the particular issues that jealousy presents.
Individuals will vary as to how many coaching sessions they are likely to need to help gain control of jealous thoughts and actions – some people can make significant improvements with just one coaching session and do not need further sessions.
Others may require a programme of support to get to a position where they feel more relaxed and less anxious or jealous.