Find Reasons To Agree


Rather than disagree. We have this mindset of competition which makes us constantly argue over things. Well, stop that. You don’t have to force yourself into agreement, if it’s not the case, just trying to find some reasons will be enough.

There’s also another subtle implication of this approach: whenever you force yourself to see the resolution of a situation, rather than its potential conflict, you help the resolution manifest and push away the conflict. It’s subtle, but it happens more often than you think.

Changing your approach to conflictual situations has a great growth potential because we do live in a conflicted world.

Finding reasons to agree rather than disagree will feed harmony and starve conflict. 

Reasons To Agree versus Reasons To Disagree

We all strive for balance, for harmony, for understanding. We all need to feel supported, approved, validated. And all these feelings are rooted in agreement. They’re all consequences of an agreement.

Yet, we unconsciously search for reasons to disagree. We foster conflict. Instead of agreeing fully to something, we always keep a little bit of a doubt aside. We’re not playing “yes”, we’re playing “yes, but…”.

That’s the level where we should be very careful. This subtle level of “ok, I understand you, but…”. At this level we’re seeding imbalance. Although we seem to level with the other person, we’re not.

The big reason for this, is because we have an ego. Correction: the big reason for this is because we believe we have an ego, and we’re listening to it, mistaking its reactions for “our” reactions.

Ego needs identity and differentiation. It needs a way to establish itself, to make itself shown, present, visible. The “but” part in the “yes, but”, this is the ego part.

Don’t get me wrong, we do need an identity. We do need a sense of presence, a way to tell the difference between us and, for instance, a piece of wood. And that’s where an ego can be useful. But not more than that. A basic sense of identity should be enough to give us the awareness to function properly.

Alas, more than once, the ego is going overboard. The need to emphasize itself, the need to be taken into account, this need to overpower the “other one” is making the ego very toxic.

Disagreement is in fact ego’s way to prove itself. That’s how it works. By difference. Well, agreement doesn’t involve ego. On the contrary, agreement dissolve the ego, by leveling up.

So, by finding reasons to agree we actually tame the ego. That’s the main benefit of this habit. By finding reasons to agree we steer ourselves in an “ego free” area.

Every conflict has a solution. Every disagreement can be solved, somehow. Yes, sometimes we can’t solve it right now. Some situations take time. Some conflicts needs years to settle. Or even an entire lifetime.

But finding reasons to agree doesn’t depend on the actual resolution. In other words, you can just try, regardless of the result. Just educate yourself to look at the reasons to agree first, in every conflictual situation.

The mere action of looking at it this way, will drastically improve your life, whether or not the conflict itself is solved.


15 Comments Add yours

  1. Veronica says:

    Yes, yes, yes! Love this take. There are plenty of reasons to agree and take both sides of an equation and discuss and learn from it without having to make everything one big ugly fight. What’s wrong with keeping an open mind so we can learn and grow from each other? Lol for my passion here it’s just we’re very much on the same wavelength today as this topic was top of mind. Thanks for sharing 😊🌸

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Most welcome Veronica and glad you agree with the thought. Open-mindedness is a positive character quality and it enables those who use it to think critically and rationally. It is so important to be able to step out of your comfort zone and consider other ideas and perspectives, especially in this day and age

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I like the point that we have to find reasons to agree first. I am, on many occasions, a culprit when it comes to that. Thanks, G.S. I will try this approach.

    Your writing has inspired me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you Seb. I am glad you liked the post. Command Greater Control and Influence. One of the main benefits of agreeing with others is that it that you able to avoid resistance and keep them open to new ideas, more specifically your ideas. Now just because you agree with someone doesn’t mean they’re right. The last thing you want to become is a “yes man”.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So many times, I find myself in arguments with people, within and outside work, they label stubborn and I don’t like it. So after reading your post, I feel the need to start with agreeing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Arguments happen all the time. Sometimes we call them quarrels. Often they might take the form of debates. Or they could simply be spirited discussions. Whatever you call them, differences of opinion happen all the time.

        All people have opinions on many topics. Not all of those opinions are based on logic. People might form opinions based on emotion, preference, experience or all sorts of other things. For that reason, people will often have differences of opinion. It doesn’t necessarily mean one person is right and the other person is wrong.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Ana Daksina says:

      When I can’t find one right away, I often say, “That’s a new perspective for me — I’ll meditate on what you say.” If they’ve really got a point to make, this leaves them happy. If it doesn’t, what they want is an argument. Sometimes I point that out in a friendly way before I bow out of the conversation completely 😌

      Liked by 2 people

      1. GS says:

        That’s a great tip Ana.


    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Always a joy and pleasure to read and share your posts with followers, My Dear! Hope you have a great day!! xoxox 😘💕🎁🌹

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Myheartscry says:

    Great reminder for me this week. So hard to talk rationally when we’ve all been in crisis mode for so long now.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Yes and there is a scientific reason behind agreeing. The findings, published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, reveal that some individuals choose to agree most of the time with others to spare themselves feelings of discomfort. The study gives new insights into how the brain handles disagreement, with implications for understanding social conformity.

      Liked by 1 person

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