My heart wants what it wants, and what is wants is space and time to move at a slower pace. My heart wants a long vacation somewhere far away. My heart wants a swimsuit that fits and flatters, is that too much to ask? It wants eating without getting fat. A good house. A clean and happy home. My heart wants to travel in space. It wants a slow hike in the woods where I can hear water rushing over the rocks and I can find myself. It wants more passport stamps.
My heart wants clarity. It wants answers. It wants to be certain of the steps I’ve taken. My heart wants to understand. It wants peace about this lack of closure. It wants to stop yearning for the impossible. It wants to know what is possible. It wants to believe in more for me.
My heart wants him back, him, whatever way I can have him. My heart wants to understand why he left, if he’s the right choice for me. My heart wants for me to be seen and accepted and understood for who I am. To be included. To be thought of. To be missed. To belong. My heart wants friendship that nurture the soul. To find people that get me. It wants less passivity from the people who say they love me. It wants people who are there for the long haul, the good and the bad and the forgiveness when I don’t do it all right.
My heart wants to feel at home here. To do things alone together with someone. Someone who stays. Someone who gets me. Someone who won’t look away from the ugly. Someone to do life (life gets lonely man). Someone to love – loud love. The kind of love that changes you into something else.
My heart wants for my soul to come back someday. It wants for me to remember who I am. My heart wants to really believe that I did the best that I could with what I had at that time in may life. To have peace. To be at peace with the decisions I’ve made. My heart wants to move freely through this world. To build a life where I feel glad to exist in these big, small moments. My heart want to be ignited again. It wants to heal and be stronger than before. It wants for me to be the captain of my ship. To lay my head and get well deserved rest. My heart wants for me to feel alive in this life I am living. My heart wants this. Wants everything. My heart wants to feel more than wanting.