Basic Tenets of Life Part 1

Everything we do in life is a choice — most of us realize that. Everything we don’t do is also a choice. Every day we choose to do the same things that hardly move us closer to the real-life we want.

If the quality of our lives is shaped by the choices we make, and those we don’t make, then the secret of making wise choices is to live by core principles. A lot has been written about the principles for a meaningful and happy life for centuries. In his book, Ray Dalio, billionaire investor, hedge fund manager, philanthropist said, “Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the foundations for behaviour that gets you what you want out of life. They can be applied again and again in similar situations to help you achieve your goals.”

Here are a few basic tenets of life :

  • You will hurt people. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes without meaning to, but you will hurt people. It doesn’t make you a bas person, but learn to accept that you may be a villain in someone else’s book.
  • Learn to apologise. Learn to mean your apologies. Learn to say them with sympathy. Apologies are not about your conscience, or about your problems, they are about someone else, understand that. Understand that words can’t undo deeds, they do not heal. Do not demand forgiveness, work for it. Accept responsibility, do not shy away from it. But never, ever, apologise to appease someone. It is a betrayal of yourself, as much as it’s betrayal of them.
  • Own your body. Own the softness of your tummy. Love your legs even when they’re hairy. Look at your face without makeup and find things to love, the yes of the survivor and the lips that speak wonders and those cheeks that flush when you laugh. Love the parts that jiggle and the parts that are firm. Love all of you.

Reference : https://findingwordsforthoughts.tumblr.com/post/94745881088/1-you-will-hurt-people-sometimes-intentionally

19 Comments Add yours

  1. bostongirll13 says:

    I think I’d say learn to say an apology with empathy, for until we think about how it feels to be on the receiving end of what we have done to another, we cannot imagine what that person may be feeling. I agree that one should work on forgiveness, but one cannot work on forgiveness if the other party has closed the door to that possibility. Also, if the other party has values that are not aligned with ours or if they are retaliating against us, then the task should not be “working” on forgiveness, it should be offering an apology then staying out of their sphere.

    Forgiveness is fundamentally about the harmed person, agreed. Yet not only about them. It also later becomes an inside job, we need to forgive ourselves for having harmed another, often we carry a sense of shame, guilt, and feeling of self-loathing about our misdeed. I agree that words don’t undo a deed, of course not. I disagree however that words don’t heal, I think they have the potential to do so. It depends on many variables. Actions always speak louder and yes talk is cheap so they say. Yet, I have been moved by the words of others so often. words are powerful…

    such a great post. thank you for such a thoughtful share.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the person who wronged you; it’s something you do for you. So if forgiveness is something you do for yourself and if it can help you heal, why is it so hard? … Sometimes you won’t, because the hurt went too deep, or because the person was too abusive, or expressed no regret.

      Don’t say you forgive someone when you don’t. It won’t make you feel better, and it won’t make your life easier. On the contrary, it is not about making your life easier when someone asks you to forgive. The purpose behind the question of forgiving is to make the person asking the question feel better.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. bostongirll13 says:

        I forgive because I feel truly feel badly I hurt another with my actions, and yes I hope for their forgiveness, also I hope my Father’s will forgive me.

        Yes, there are reasons that impede that process. Sometimes I do not so what I am supposed to. My sinful nature prevents me from doing what I should. My own selfishness, arrogance, stubbornness, pride. Whether that person is too abusive or not should not be the deciding factor. They are not to blame for why I don’t forgive. That is a cop out.

        Matthew 5:44-47 NIV “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends the rain on the righteous and the unrighteousness. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the pagans do that?”

        At the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to forgive what wrongs come against me. It is my hope that what wrongs I have committed against another will be forgiven, but that is never a guarantee in this life…

        Liked by 2 people

      2. GS says:

        Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends? This can also help you in working with people in the long run.

        But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:27-36 NIV

        Liked by 2 people

      3. bostongirll13 says:

        Making an effort to interact with said “enemies” and make peace with them in theory sounds like such a lovely idea, one that has such appeal, on so many levels particularly to me. My inherent nature I want to please and make new friends, understand people on a deeper, meaningful, and intimate level.

        However, as I said earlier, the problem becomes if that person’s beliefs are so far of alignment with mine, particularly their spiritual ones, then it could pose a danger to me.

        2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or whar fellowship can have light with darkness?”

        Liked by 2 people

  2. DiosRaw says:

    This is simply beautiful. Learning to be a villain in someone else’s book is a good heads up and insight. Amber

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Sometimes how we are reflected back by others touches upon truth. That we have been cast as a villain in another’s story requires attention. Perhaps there is a wrong we have committed. Perhaps repair is in order. Perhaps not. Impact sometimes matters more than intention.
      ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
      And how we appear in other’s ideas about us, how we have come to find a place in their story, is theirs. They have agency over the reality they internalize.
      As do we. So while another’s story — even one in which you are a villain — is not your story to change, nor is it your story to adopt.
      We carry within us an eruption of self-truths, self-authority. It is these truths that keep us whole, these truths that we can rely on as intuition, as a sustaining flame of guidance. Our truths are our self-concept, the thing that keeps us from disintegrating and blending completely into the collective “us”, a pool of identity-less existence.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. One of my characters has hurt a lot of people- Sarge, my antagonist in Tale of The Cattail Forest, is a bully

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Initially, he didn’t even have a reason behind that or why his easiest target was Marge. But once I finally made Marge and Sarge cousins- I was able to understand why, but disliked that I did it.

        Sarge had a heartbreaking and tragic past- after his mother left at age 4, he was left with an abusive father. Sarge was abused until he was 13- he still has constant nightmares about that. I really disliked that I had to do that to one of my characters

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        The more you share about the story, the more I get intrigued. Hope the book is coming across well.

        Like

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for the reblog

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always a pleasure to share your posts with followers, My Dear!
        xoxox 😘💖🌹✨

        Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing.

      Like

    1. GS says:

      Glad you liked the post.

      Like

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