Four Words

Four words and a thousand different interpretations.

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you,” they mean “I’m here for a while, for an hour or an evening. You’re a generally good person and I enjoy your company and I know you have to vent right now, so I’ll listen; I’ll even bring the beers if you want. But I probably won’t stay the night.”

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you” they mean “I don’t know what else to say to your sad story. You floored me and I have absolutely no advice, nowhere to go from here. All I can do is sit here with you and absorb. Hope that helps.” Other times, “I’m here for you” means “I’m here for you but I’d rather not be, it’s just what you’re supposed to say in these situations so I don’t know. I’m offering, but I hope you don’t actually take me up on it.”

See? Different. Sometimes it means something, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the people who say it might as well be commenting on the weather, the brunch they just came home from. The words come out but they don’t resonate, emptied of their meaning, just tiny care word packages lasting across a synapse. And sometimes the people who truly mean it never say the words at all.

But when I say I’m here for you. I mean it. I mean it differently. Genuinely. Let me explain.

There’s a part of friendship that’s more than camaraderie and good feelings, more than having someone to hang out with all the time and bullshit with on lazy Saturday mornings. There’s a part of friendship, real friendship, that’s fierce love. The part marked by understanding, protection, sacrifice. The strong part. The selfless, human part. The part that would move your body in front of theirs to take a bullet without a blink or second thought.

And that’s why I want to tell you I’m here for you, because I am. Not in the therapist sense, not in the let’s talk about our crap boyfriends over martinis sense, but the real sense: I love you enough to make room for your pain in my heart and handle it like my own. Or better than my own, because my own usually ends up stuffed into a back corner of my brain and left there to ferment into a viscous, soul liquor. I’m here for you honestly, sometimes painfully so. I may not have firsthand experience with the exact thing you’re going through, but I know what it means to hurt. Hurt translates pretty well. I know what it’s like to feel silenced, shut down, wounded. To feel like there’s no one who really understands, or cares, or will even make the genuine effort, to feel like even talking about it is nothing but a pointless stirring of air. I care about you too much to make you feel that way alone. I may not give the best advice, or even moderately good advice, but I’m here for you.

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16 responses to “Four Words”

  1. Words are the same it depends on how the people say from their heart, true 😊…you are correct…you write with so much depth from your soul or heart like it happened to you 😊😇

    Genuine words are rare to find dear — sometimes based on our positive energy levels we get right people who help us but don’t stay for long and yet give proper advice at the right time, but some just do it for the sake of it…only when you are in pain is when you know the true people who will stay with you for long not people who run way with just words or physically >> also some stay during your pain but wouldn’t want to help, they just don’t want to cut down their list of friend who is fulfilling some part of their lonely life for the time being… because for other parts they will have others fulfilling it

    Also, it’s not worth to keep such people around for long, they wouldn’t want to help you neither want to see you achieve 😊 they are neutral, a genuine friend would try to help even if they don’t say the words, even silence do help at times…

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree. Effective communication sounds like it should be instinctive. But all too often, when we try to communicate with others something goes astray. We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue. This can cause problems in your home, school, and work relationships. Glad you liked the post, Sonny.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s difficult to find people who really mean those words, at least in my neck of the woods. I mean what I say, and I don’t offer those words unless I know I can follow through. What you are describing that you offer people is called compassion. It’s a beautiful thing to offer. 💗

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes I believe compassion is key. The value of compassion enables us to understand ourselves better and others better, and the more we understand others the more we will want to relieve their suffering. Let’s all develop the ability to see things from someone else’s perspective and sympathize with their emotions.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I also appreciated your insights here! You got me thinking though, I think there’s something to be said for the friend who says “I’m here for you” even though they’d rather not be. If a friend most wants to be with you, then all they’re doing is following what they feel like doing, right? But what if the friend really doesn’t feel like staying the night – but knows you need it and does anyway? There’s a beautiful sacrifice involved for that friend who is already tired, who worked a long day and was looking forward to chilling out with a movie, and who in fact really has to get home to let her dog out — but who loves you SO MUCH she’s saying “I’ll call the neighbor and have them let the dog out if you need me here.” It’s like that old line, the true friend is the one who’s with you even when they’d rather be anywhere else.

    Liked by 1 person

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