“Situationship” is the new modern-day relationship purgatory. This kind of definition-free relationship is becoming more common as people marry older or totally opt out of long-term commitment. This is different than ‘friends with benefits’ where two people hook up usually at one of their homes, for the sole purpose of sex, usually with minimal conversation. With a situationship, there is more connection and conversation which can make things murky.
- First be honest with yourself around what you want, what you’re ready for and what you won’t settle for.
- Be clear about your (especially sexual) boundaries, standards, core values and deal breakers. Make a list and then next to each one write down why they’re important to you.
- Honour your own boundaries as a way to model how you want them to be respected.
- Decide how long you’ll date someone before you move on if things aren’t progressing. Value answers around their desires to be in a relationship means it’s time to move on.
- Pay attention to whether you actually like them vs allowing the anxiety around their acceptance of you to fuel your attraction.
- Practice healthy detachment as you engage them in the dating process (gather data).
- Avoid romanticising, fantasising, future pacing and efforts to fast forward the relationship (healthy detachment).
- Speak up around where things are going once you’ve hit the milestone around how long you’ll date them with no clear indication of where things are going.