An emotionally immature parent (lacking the emotional nurturing as a child themselves to be able to fully mature) often is unable to identify their own wounds being triggered and might act out on the child unconsciously. They might believe the child should emotional take care of them or that the child should be grateful rather than the other way around (the parent putting aside own needs to meet the child’s).
- You develop an inner critic (instead of an inner coach) when you were berated or emotionally neglected. As a result you’re extra hard on yourself for always “messing up” and feel stressed out all of the time.
- You feel responsible for others. When your parent (unconsciously) put their needs ahead of yours, you end up suppressing your authentic expression to regulate your parent’s reaction. You believe every interpersonal challenge is your fault.
- You apologise all the time. Children of immature parents may be especially vigilant to others needs and emotions to maintain their emotional safety. Do you apologise because you actually screwed up, or because you want to make sure no one will be mad at you for it?
- You constantly need validation. When an immature parent speaks to a child in a demanding way/not validating the child, the child doesn’t learn to self validate, as adults they need other to tell they’re doing a good job. A therapist can help learn to value yourself outside of what other people might think.
- Emotional intimacy feels scary. Having experienced a lack of nurturing, you may have instead assumed the role of caretaker, family here, or had to emotionally “rescue” others. Physical intimacy & a surface-level social life might be easy, but when things start to turn deeper, you feel uncomfortable and retreat.
It is important to identify your wounds, only then you can start healing them or at least not act of out of them. Take Care!