Ghosting and Ways to Deal with It

Ghosting happens when someone abruptly ceases all forms of contact and communication without any explanation. It is a common phenomenon in today’s dating and social culture and can leave one feeling deeply hurt, betrayed and disrespected.

Why do people ghost?

  • To avoid conflict and confrontation.
  • Because its convenient.
  • Because they don’t know how they feel and would rather not work through their difficult emotions.
  • They are no longer interested/invested in the relationship and genuinely believe that they are inflicting less pain by ghosting instead of being honest.
  • Because don’t feel like they are provided a safe space to openly express how they feel.
  • They fear disappointing people.
  • They are aware that they cannot meet your needs and manage their shame by withdrawing.
  • Many people ghost because their boundaries are repeatedly violated (in which case ghosting may be the appropriate action)

How ghosting affects us?

  • For many, ghosting can trigger unhealed childhood attachment wounds and bring up repressed memories of emotional neglect and abandonment. This can leave one feeling deeply hurt, distressed & rejected regardless of how invested we are in the other person.

Ways to Deal With It

  • Remember that it’s not about you, it’s about them. Tell yourself that their behaviour and inability to communicate their feelings is on them to work out and says nothing about your worth.
  • Try to see it as a gift. This may be difficult to do but immensely helpful. Write down or say this out loud as if to them : “Thank you for showing me your level of emotional unavailability and lack of respect for me. I now know this wasn’t the right thing for me.” Make it the furl to help you move on.
  • Talk about it. Research has shown that putting our feelings into words makes our sadness, anger and pain less intense. This is one of the reasons therapy works and why talking to friends and family can get us through tough times – so keep talking or journalling till you feel better about it all.

Ghosting stinks. There’s no way to sugarcoat it. If you are being ghosted, try your best to not take it personal. Someone ghosting you is a reflection on them. If you are ghosting somebody, maybe think twice about respectfully communicating to them why are you no longer want to communicate with hem. Be kind to one another & mindful of others feelings.

14 Comments Add yours

  1. rebecca s revels says:

    I have been on both ends of this. I did it because after repeatedly telling the person I did not want the level of relationship they did, I was left with no choice. On the receiving side of it, yes it does hurt when it is sudden and with no explanation, but also yes, after time to reflect their disappearance was for the best. You have stated all of this very well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you. I believe ghosting affects both parties equally, the ghoster and the ghosted. Ghosting can be extremely painful, according to therapists, because it is human nature to believe we did something to deserve the silence. How much it hurts to be ghosted depends on your self-esteem and the potential you saw in the relationship

      Like

  2. Qonyike says:

    It’s hard to be ghosted. Sometimes, I feel like I did something wrong but I didn’t. One thing I’ve learnt is if it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be. Lovely post 👏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      You may blame yourself if you cannot find a cause and no explanation is provided. You might want to build some barriers to protect yourself in the future. You could also tell your friends that you’re going to stop dating completely, which is a cognitive distortion known as all-or-nothing thinking.

      Ghosting is an echo of past rejection. It’s painful because it reactivates — and mimics — a previous hurt or betrayal by someone we didn’t just think we could trust but had to, often during our formative years. The catch is this: It’s not so much about the betrayal as it is about our failure to process and integrate that early memory and what it meant to us.

      Like

      1. Qonyike says:

        Thank you ☺️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the way this article gives such a balanced, compassionate perspective to the act of ghosting. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you. The rise of electronic communications and popular dating apps like Grindr, Tinder, and Bumble have seemingly made it easier to make and break quick connections with someone you just met with a swipe.

      But ghosting is more complex a phenomenon than we might think.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. JB Guerrero says:

    Sometimes there’s a deep reason for excluding people out of your life. One of them is to protect your mental health.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      I believe that too. Ghosting can be beneficial to people’s mental health. “If they are not in a happy relationship, such as a controlling or gaslighting relationship, they may be afraid of what the manipulator may do.” Ghosting can provide [people] with a fresh start.”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. atarigen72 says:

    The one doing the ghosting can’t find the words it’s up to the one being ghosted to get them to open up. If they both refuse to talk there will always be bitter feelings. Talking it out is better whether it ends with a lasting relationship or a peaceful end it’s better than unresolved bitterness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Ah yes, Caspering” is the newest addition to the modern dating lexicon. Named after the fictional child phantom, it’s a friendly alternative to ghosting. Instead of ignoring someone, you’re honest about how you feel, and let them down gently before disappearing from their lives.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. theteenafey says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I think a big part of ghosting is realizing that if you have been ghosted that it is truly a blessing. Although it stings and hurts, the personal growth and reflection that takes place after can have you saying thank you to the other person at the end of the day.

    – tina

    Like

    1. GS says:

      I agree Tina, awareness is the first step

      Like

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