The specific reasons why someone may sabotage their own relationships vary depending on the situation. Everyone has a unique history: how we were raised, our childhood, adolescence, and first serious relationships all have an impact on how we act today.
Here are some signs you are self sabotaging finding love
- You meet people who are great humans, but something always wrong/missing with each of them.
- You fantasise about people who don’t want you, or who you can’t have (an ex, a person already in a relationship, that person you dated….).
- The people who are interested in you are never the ones you’re interested in back.
- Having long distance connections with people that may get emotionally deep, but it won’t work out and deep down you know that.
- You have a profile on the dating apps, but it sucks and you know it, and yet you’re just on there ‘winging it’.
- You start conversations with people on the apps, but then “for some reason” you kind of lose interest or take really long to get back to them.
- You say this is your year to meet them, yet you’re always “too busy” to date, you’re cancelling dates, you’re on & off again with trying to date.
- You’re not getting help.
- You say you don’t really want it that bad & don’t care either way, when in truth you really want it.
- You say, “”if it’s meant to happen it will happen & I shouldn’t have to do anything to “force it,” so you aren’t willing to do anything really or get any help to meet him.
Why do you self sabotage?
- Fear of failure – This is the most common one I see. You’re afraid deep down that the love you want isn’t possible for you. It would be horrible to give it your all & for it not to happen as that would confirm your worst fears & everyone would know that you aren’t someone a person you really want would love and choose. So, rather than give it your all and face this dip fear bing real, you half-try, leave it to the universe, act detached “if it was meant to be it will be” or outright say you don’t want it/don’t care, because at least then you can say you didn’t give it your all.
- You are actually afraid of commitment – One (or more) part(s) of you I actually afraid of real commitment. For whatever reason, commitment isn’t seen as a positive: whether it was witnessing your parents bad marriage, or the fear of lassoing yourself & your independence. Even though another part of you deeply desires partnership, not all of you does. When all parts of us are not onboard, the ones that are not on board will sabotage our attempts to get what we want, to protect us. And when that’s the case, we will have inner resistance that has us do things to keep it away.
- Deep down, you don’t believe you are worthy of love – When we don”t believe we are worthy of having something, we will now allow ourselves to have it. There may be many great people who see how incredible you are & want to adore you and cherish you…but you’re pushing them away and thinking there is something wrong with them for being so deeply interested in you. Instead, you fall for the people who don’t see how special you are and don’t choose you. Proving the beliefs you have about yourself right (because our most deeply held subconscious beliefs always win in what is manifested in our lives).
When you can do to shift these blocks
- Admit to yourself that you want love, but are scared of how it will feel if it’s rocky along the way. Your fear of feeling something is what’s blocking you from taking serious action.
- Decide that you are willing to feel the feelings the com with actually putting yourself on the line to feel disappointment, to feel embarrassment, etc.
- Stop DIYing it. Actually make a commitment to doing whatever it takes & get the help you need to do it.
- Face your inner saboteurs and get to the root of where they com from and why they are blocking you.
- Rewire the limiting beliefs that keep playing out in your love life.
- Commit to yourself. Stay the path & don’t give up.
- Realise you are the most powerful force in your life and the world is waiting on you to move, you’ve been getting sent lifeboats saying “no”. Start saying “yes”.
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