Many of us are raised to believe that somewhere out there is someone who was created to be our other half, our soulmate, the perfect complement to who we are; in other words, that someone out there is “The One” for us. But, in our search for soulmates, are there any telltale signs that we’ve found them? Here are some possible indicators that we’ve found “The One,” and they are based on all of the special conditions that healthy relationships require to grow and flourish.
- They trigger you – We have to stop with this myth that the “right” relationship will be easy, calm, always joyful. Even with people who are actively working on themselves, we still carry wounds inside of ourselves that can only be revealed and healed inside a relationship. Now, if the triggers are too repetitive and too many hurts are being created because of it, this is not healthy. Triggers must be seen as an opportunity to look at the part of ourselves we can heal and not an excuse to project our trapped emotions onto somebody else.
- You feel you can be the child with them you couldn’t with your parents – Your silliest expressions don’t bother them. Your weird jokes make them laugh. Maybe even your nastiest farts are welcomed with a smile (okay not always). That thing you like in secret that you thought no one would understand, you may realise that they do, understand. And that thing you have always been ashamed of? They may look at your with so much tenderness that you don’t even know how to behave, until the familiarity of being ashamed can be diffused and being replaced by the safety of being seen.
- They love some parts of yourself you still don’t love about yourself – Even with deep healing and a solid commitment toward the self, there are still aspects of ourselves we sometimes believe would never be worthy of love. When you attract someone who actually understands, maybe your first reaction will be “how can they love that about me?”. What’s happening in that moment is amazing and shows that we don’t have to have all of ourselves before attracting someone who can love us. And the you inspired by their level of acceptance can become your own acceptance. So really, ask them, the reason why they honour this part of you. You may be surprised.
- You both know that you are your own responsibility and that you can ask for each other’s help, when needed! – A man doesn’t have to solve every problem that his partner has. A woman doesn’t have to be available for every issue of her partner. Both have the strength to deal with their own challenges and, with have the maturity to ask for help when needed (especially if we feel weak asking for help, it’s important to do it as it creates a healthier bond).
- You enjoy your similarities, you learn from your differences – We don’t realise that when we attract someone, often time, they are stronger where we could improve & vice versa. Our emotional strength and abilities can be something they could explore about themselves deeper, and their strengths & skills could highlight where you could grow. Again, anything they do that is different than how you do it & that triggers you about them is an opportunity to love parts of yourself that may have never received love. These part of yourself you may have lost interest in working on out of apathy or resignation.
Maybe you can learn from how they organise thing in the house. Maybe they can learn from you how to communicate bette in front of people & stronger better connection. Perhaps, they can learn from your ability to remain calm & grounded when a challenge arises while you can learn from their adventurous/ childish side.
Love, has various forms as love is all. Love can become the you being accountable, the you who I willing to try don’t like, the you setting a clear boundary around what it okay, and what is not. The you that cab leave the ego’s response on the side, and choose to answer in the name of love.