How to Communicate Anger

We all get mad. It’s natural. And sometimes even healthy. The challenge is figuring out how to communicate effectively when you’re angry instead of totally bottling it up inside or acting like the Incredible Hulk.

Here are a few unhelpful and helpful ways to communicate anger :

Unhelpful

  • Impulsively blurting out rude comments
  • Blaming others (i.e. this is all your fault)
  • Playing the victim
  • Not open to finding a solution
  • Does not own mistakes (i.e. I did nothing wrong)
  • Does not respect or listen to the other person’s perspective
  • Overwhelms the other person with multiple issues (i.e. bringing up the past)
  • Yelling, screaming or swearing

Helpful

  • Pausing before responding
  • Does not blame others
  • Uses “I” statements (i.e. I feel disrespected/unheard)
  • Works on a solution together
  • Owns up to mistakes (i.e. I am sorry for disrespecting you earlier when I lost my temper)
  • Listens and acknowledges other’s perspective
  • Sticks to one topic
  • Communicates assertively but respectfully, without yelling/screaming/swearing

Reference : https://static.inspiremore.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/26104506/Mental-Health-Tips-By-Nawal-Mustafa-2.png

27 Comments Add yours

  1. Carol anne says:

    Good post! I think anger is a hard issue for a lot of people! I know it is for me!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Yes Carol. I think they main issue is that people are not clear of what they want. Try to ask for what you want openly and in a straightforward manner, and state your feelings clearly without directly or indirectly demeaning the other person. Speak in a normal conversational tone rather than too softly or too loudly, and don’t make demands or try to appeal to the other person’s emotions to manipulate them or force them into doing something.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Deskraven says:

    Yes! Anger is always a surface emotion meaning there is always something deeper going on underneath often involving fear, frustration, or hurt. Due to our pride, “I’m sorry” and “I’m hurt” remain some of the hardest things to utter in the English language. Communication skills are just that – skills – and require practice and repetition to master. I myself used to be a god-awful “communicator.” However, through self help and responsibility I have been able to round out my language with intention and honesty when communicating my needs and transgressions with others.

    Another important aspect of conflict is addressing the things that trigger you the moment they come up. Letting too much time pass is dangerous as passivity is the quickest road to resentment in any relationship. Above all, I believe maturity, mutual respect, and ownership are all marks of an exceptional communicator. Thank you for posting, as we can all use more reminders like this! I think Mother Teresa put it best, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

    -Jaymie

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think that sharing some anecdotes which illustrate those dot points would enhance what is already an informative and interesting article.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Anecdotes are subjective. I keep it open as everyone as their own challenges. Apologies. But thank you for your feedback. Really appreciate it.!

      Like

  4. gpavants says:

    Garima,

    We Americans need this now. We have a lot of anger right now. Great advice I will be using.

    Thank you,

    Gary On Sat, Nov 28, 2020 at 10:32 AM Be Inspired..!! wrote:

    > GS posted: ” We all get mad. It’s natural. And sometimes even healthy. The > challenge is figuring out how to communicate effectively when you’re > angry instead of totally bottling it up inside or acting like the > Incredible Hulk. Here are a few unhelpful and helpful ” >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Things are going to change with Biden, Gary. The world thinks so. Using the right amount of assertiveness can help you to communicate honestly and clearly; whereas if you’re not assertive enough you may be afraid to speak up. But if on the other hand if you’re too assertive, others may not appreciate the way you interrupt and talk over them.
      Similarly a lack of assertiveness may make you agree with other people – even if you feel they’re wrong – while those who are overly assertive are more likely to only consider their own feelings and not those of others. The trick then is to get the balance right.

      Like

  5. Hello GS,
    It had been quite long I could not read your posts. Was stuck with work. But yes, ur every single post is awesome. Every article of yours manifest every human and will change them into a positive aspect.

    Thank you for cheering up!
    Have a great day:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Ah Manasa, thank you for such kind words. Merci 🙏🏼
      I am glad you like my posts. If there is anything specific you would like to read, do let me know. I love to research and write on new topics.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You owe it 🙂

        Yes yes. As, I had mentioned earlier in regard to the dandruff and hair fall. It will be great pleasure if you could find out.

        One more idea I would like to give you. Your an awesome writer. Please do write about the benefits of yoga (Specific poses).

        Thank you GS
        Have a wonderful day:)
        Your a great researcher

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Yoga (specific poses), hairfall, dandruff. Noted. Sorry for the missing that earlier.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No worry!
        I understand 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Jerrod Hays says:

    Anger especially is one passion that needs helpful ways to get through. I have one more to prompt you with.

    Do you have helpful ways to deal with insecurity? It to me feels like some combination of awkwardness, paranoia and angst. Braught on by social anxiety because I am introverted. I have tried to study myself but I cannot beat insecurity. Another reason for it is in my philosophy I want to tell truths and even brutal ones about myself. These are 2 possible causes. But I just cannot handle insecurity; (I try Stoicism but sometimes truths are too heavy.)

    Have you thought of this before — how to alleviate insecurity?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Insecurity hmm.. There is no one cause of insecurity; many factors can lead to the condition. Insecurity may stem from a traumatic event, crisis such as divorce or bankruptcy, or a loss. It can also result from one’s environment, as unpredictability or upset in daily life can cause anxiety and insecurity about ordinary, routine events.

      Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s quite normal to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic insecurity can sabotage your success in life and can be particularly damaging to your intimate relationships.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Jerrod Hays says:

    Definitely. Big insecure change no doubt has been weighing on me while I think about my economic displacement. But you are right to say insecurity comes from feeling threatened. I feel at war my ego versus everything else. As I prepare for war at least I can say your posts are valuable. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      We’ve been having a lot of setbacks lately, and they’re terrible, but it’s vital that we keep what we’ve already accomplished so far in mind as we continue to fight. They’re a reminder of what people have already accomplished, and that we too can reach our goals.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Glad you liked the post 👍🏼

      Like

  8. Petrina says:

    Truth! Great points. Anger seems to be rampant. We all could use these reminders, so thank you. It takes discipline, humility, and mutual respect to train ourselves to respond in the healthy ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Anger — both direct and indirect (or passive) — is meant to communicate something important. But it can also drive people away. What you really want is to connect and be heard, but when anger is involved, the result is often just the opposite. Aggression in any form is the biggest impediment to emotionally intelligent communication.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi, I wanted to let you know that your post has been mentioned here! https://quantumlivingpsychology.wpcomstaging.com/2020/12/22/anger/

    Differentiating between constructive and destructive ways to handle anger is great advice. When I was young, I thought anger was an emotion for bad people. I wish I had learned sooner that anger is normal and you can benefit from dealing with it in a healthy way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing. I didn’t see credits though. Could you provide my blog link?

      Like

      1. Let me rephrase. Your writing hasn’t been reposted; it’s shared as a link that people can click for further reading. The link is in the second paragraph of the section “Learning to be Angry.” I thought you might like to know that your writing was mentioned!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. GS says:

        Thank you.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. You’re welcome!

        Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.