Conflict in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, conflict isn’t a problem; how it’s handled, however, can bring people together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, disagreements, and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance or a springboard to a stronger relationship and a happier future.
Here are few tips for being an optimal communicator :
- Surprises matter. Your significant other might want to surprise you, but has no idea what to do. Think of things that would pleasantly surprise you if your partner did them, and then hint about a couple of them. Try to surprise your significant other once or twice a month, too.
- Mirror your partner when talking. After your partner speaks, say something like “Let me see if I’ve got that…Your partner will feel as though you’re truly working to understand what he or she is saying.
- Play is good. Remember to have fund with your partner. Engage in fun activities that have no rules, need no skills and produce laughter.
- Conflict is OK. Not all conflict means you’re in the wrong relationship. Sometimes conflict is an opportunity for growth.
- Validate your partner. After he or she confides in your or approaches a difficult conversations, say something like, “That makes sense” or “You make sense.”
- Empathise often. During conversations, ask your partner if he or she has other feelings to share, or say something like, “I imagine you must be feeling X.”
If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.
Reference : Getting the love you want. harville hendrix and helen lakelly hunt