Is Self Love Being Selfish? Part 1

Welcome fellow souls to « The Human Family Crash Course Series, » a new project collaborated together by empress2inspire.blog and sensispirit.wordpress.com. Together we will be working on a different topic for each crash course; our first topic is focused on « Self Love. » Each topic will have eight posts with posts on Mondays and Thursdays. We hope you enjoy our series and we look forward to knowing how our posts have inspired you!

This post is dedicated for people who are on a self love journey or who want to begin a self love journey. I know maybe you already have begun because you are reading this post on self love. 

So many people are afraid of doing things for themselves or even worse afraid of thinking for themselves because they are worried that people will think they are selfish. I have been there at times and I have put my needs last so that I can please or help others and it didn’t work out. That’s not self love. So let’s look at what is self love and what self love is not.

What is Self Love? 

  • Self love is the understanding that you don’t have to be perfect and that you are already worthy of love. We are all part of existence and so self love is knowing that you have permission to exist because you are a human being.
  • There is nothing that you have to prove to anyone that you are worthy, valuable or lovable. You don’t have to be thinner, smarter, more funny, more loving etc. Self love is knowing that you don’t have to be different from the self you already are. 
  • You will never get wholeness from outside sources because it is a false sense of self. You will never be fulfilled by those things because you should know you are acceptable as you are right now. 

Knowing this changes everything when you finally understand the concept of your higher self, loving that higher self. There is no conditional love for yourself. When you give yourself conditional love, you will also possibly love others in the same way. For example you may say that you will start loving yourself when you lose weight. Many of us have been there. That is incorrect. 

Selfish vs. Selfless

Self love is being selfless because you are giving yourself unconditional love. A selfish person will love you with conditions. For example, when someone says “I will only love you if…..”. A selfish person also thinks that when they give love, they should receive the same love back or even more. When a selfless person loves and gives, they know it’s not about receiving anything in return. 

Selfish people judge and criticise instead of supporting you in the state in which you are in right now. If your partner told you that you are selfish for doing some self care then they are selfish. Why would anyone want to stop someone from recharging, de-stressing and loving yourself. 

Selfish people don’t care about what other people feel or think. Selfish people give to get love which is false love set on conditions, attachments or obsessions. So a lot of people are in relationships based on attachments or obsessions. This is false love. We can do that to ourselves too when we are obsessed about our appearance, objectifying ourselves. That is not giving ourselves unconditional love. 

How to find a balance then? 

Set Healthy Boundaries. Boundaries are not selfish. A lot of people are afraid to set boundaries because they might view themselves as mean or drawing up this huge wall. Setting up healthy boundaries actually helps you to grow in a relationship with the person, helps you to communicate about how you feel. Protect yourself by setting boundaries. 

36 Comments Add yours

  1. I think self-love begins with confidence in who you are. To me, self-love is expressed in how I comfort myself. Whether it be chocolate, a movie, a song, etc…..It took many years to get to the place of realizing I mattered.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. GS says:

      You matter. In this moment, in this place, regardless of your last name, your status on the team, the letter at the top of the exam. Trust in tomorrow, believe in the story, and hear me now: you matter.

      Like

  2. Two wrongs I find, here…

    One, why should “acceptance for the self” be anything inclusive only to the self? Is that not a promotion of self-isolation within one’s own mind? I find it would be better if people could comprehend that we, as humans, are far more alike than “different” or “unique”. Also, I find many people who are addicted to this “self-love” mentality possess a vain attitude, especially with their belief in uniqueness, to the point where they want to market themselves, endlessly. I see these people as constantly used, never loved by others. Because, as they love themselves, they reveal themselves, somehow expressing confidence in doing so. In doing that, they are as any display of some product, though as a human, they are a slave.

    Two, “selfish people” do not judge nor criticize, as if that were anything wrong. Judgement and criticism is to the betterment of another individual, as it’s always been. Critical thinking points to the flaws of a person, since out of love, we comprehend another as like us. We are all alike, so therefore, a person who judges or criticizes another only did so because they see themselves in that person. As in, they see their imperfections as their own imperfections. An example of this would be an old person who criticizes the young. They only do so, because they recognize that they were once young, themselves. However, no young person can properly criticize someone who is old, because they’ve not survived long enough for their argument to be something worthwhile.

    Now… I comprehend “needing space” or “wanting independence”. However, through my personal experience, I’ve only needed that during some emotional crisis. Though, are we like that during every moment? You mentioned it is necessary to place boundaries. Though, you go to say that it is also not necessary to place conditions in a relationship. Is not “unconditional” love something there between you and a person? Though, judgements will come, if again, something is wrong, and one does need that space. It becomes a question of trust, in that regard.

    What I believe this term known as “self-love” should translate to, is “self-trust”. Trust yourself, so that you do not hurt yourself. Know yourself, so that you do not lie to yourself, and so that you may be truthful with others.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Self-love by its meaning explains a feeling of the emotional value we feel towards ourselves, our work and ou relationships with others. While confidence is something we present outwards, self-love is something we feel deep inside and that reflects in our ability to feel good about ourselves.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Like

  3. presidentsan says:

    There’s no way we can love other people in the real sense of love, without first appreciating who we are, that’s the mistake a lot of people make trying to fill a void that doesn’t exist.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      I agree with that. The truth is that anytime you try to distract yourself from feeling what you’re feeling, you’re avoiding the fact that you’re not whole. Something is missing, damaged or broken, and until you face it, no person or thing will ever make you feel complete.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Giving out of the fear of selfishness feels tense and draining. The fear of selfishness makes us want to run to a cave and hide. It drives us to give but in measured doses and only with so much enthusiasm. In contrast, self-love makes us feel open, empathetic, and eager to make a difference where we can.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. True that ma’am. I just hope that it could be easier to get out of that cave and overcome those fears.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        You are a powerhouse of energy and magic Niharika. You are overcome anything, even your fears. It’s all about courage and creating the right mindset. Once you do that, the world will start changing around you. May you achieve everything in this new year.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. May you achieve the same too. A happy and prosperous new year to you! 💫

        Liked by 1 person

      4. GS says:

        Thank you

        Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for the reblog.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always happy to read and share your posts, My Dear!! 😘💕💖😊🌹✨

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        🙏🏼

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This is actually one of my best topics for discussion because I it very significant for personal growth, and I do practice it myself. I think this is one concept people find difficult to understand or even comprehend because it sounds selfish at first to amateurs. But it isn’t, a close evaluation of the concept will reveal many secrets about us as individuals, which we might never know unless we commit to understanding what and who we are through self love and self study. To that very end, our purpose and passions will be revealed to us, simply because we have turned within ourselves to seek the answers we already have in store.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      When we value others, we value ourselves more—we … and rigid in perspective, all of which impair growth and development. … so the low-grade adrenaline can inflate our egos enough to get us through the day.

      Like

  5. ascott4321 says:

    Much needed 💛 I always feel selfish for loving myself mostly bc other pple are constantly judging. I put others before me and this year finally putting myself first .. love this course idea!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Make a list of your priorities. Keep it short. Ask for help from your family and your community. Keep a balance between treating yourself and giving to others. Remember putting yourself first sometimes involves doing things that are difficult, but benefit you in the long run.

      Like

  6. Not at all selfish. My psychiatrist put it to me like this: if you want to be more compassionate towards others, you have to start by being more compassionate towards yourself.
    The better you look after yourself, the more able you are to look after others around you. That’s a lesson that I wish I could teach my younger self.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GS says:

      Yup…charity begins with self !!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. GS says:

        ❤️❤️

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Shyamini says:

    Definitely not.
    You matter mostly to yourself as you are your best friend.

    Take care

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Yes indeed. You will be able to develop a stronger sense of self. And when you have a stronger sense of self you can then more easily accept yourself rather than punish yourself. Also, you then can more easily decipher what it is you want out of life, your goals and pinpoint what makes you happy or unhappy. Thank you.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Shyamini says:

    Exactly my thoughts.

    Happy New Year.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Happy New Year

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Mark Hughes says:

    Self love isn’t selfish, simply have self confidence and the rest follows👍.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” — Maxwell Maltz

      Nobody is born with limitless self-confidence. If someone seems to have incredible self-confidence, it’s because he or she has worked on building it for years. Self-confidence is something that you learn to build up because the challenging world of business, and life in general, can deflate it.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for sharing

      Like

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