Welcome fellow souls to « The Human Family Crash Course Series, » a new project collaborated together by empress2inspire.blog and diosraw0.wordpress.com. Together we will be working on a different topic for each crash course; our fifth topic is focused on «Communication.» Each topic will have eight posts with posts on Mondays and Thursdays. We hope you enjoy our series and we look forward to knowing how our posts have inspired you!
“Saying NO is an art, master it.” ~
Vikrmn: CA Vikram Verma
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” ~
Why do we find it hard to say “no”? Because we want people to like us and would like to appear kind. ‘No’ is counterintuitive to this notion, when we say ‘no’ we fear the repercussions. Humans crave social and emotional stimuli; attention, recognition and intimacy are critical for our emotional and physical survival. “No” can be perceived as a rejection, the very thing that humans are programmed to avoid. The fear of missing out is another reason why people struggle with ‘no’, as social beings, we unconsciously base our beliefs on the current values of society. The Chimp Paradox explains: “The need to belong to a group is so powerful that we will often compromise our lives and lifestyle to remain as part of the group.”
Here are some ways for you to say no politely ~
1. Vague and effective ~ “Thank you for asking, but that isn’t going to work out for me.”
2. It’s not personal ~ “Thank you for asking, but I’m not doing any interviews while I’m writing my book at the moment.”
3. Ask me later ~ “I would like to do that, but I’m not available until July. Will you ask me again then please?”
4. Let me hook you up ~ “I can’t do it, but I’ll bet Jasmine can. I’ll ask her for you.”
5. Keep persisting ~ “None of those dates work for me, but I would love to see you. Send me some more dates.”
6. Try me last minute ~ “I can’t put anything else on my calendar this month, but I’d love to do that with you sometime. Will you call me right before you go again?”
7. Gratitude ~ “Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support! I’m sorry I’m not able to help you at this time.”
8. Give the dad a chance ~ “Let’s ask Dad if he wants to help this year.”
9. 5-minute favour ~ “I can’t speak at your event, but I will help you promote it on my blog.”
10. Just No ~ “Thanks, I’ll have to pass on that.”
11. Gracious ~ “I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed.”
12. I’m Sorry ~ “I wish I could, but it’s just not going to work right now.”
13. My family is the reason ~ “Thanks so much for the invite, that’s the day of my son’s soccer game, and I never miss those.”
14. I know someone else ~ “I don’t have time right now, but let me recommend someone who may be able to help you.”
15. I’m already booked ~ “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m afraid I’m already booked that day.”
16. Setting boundaries ~ “Let me tell you what I can do..” Then limit the commitment to what will be comfortable for you.
17. Not no, but not yes ~ “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”
18. I’m “maxed out” ~ We need a ‘safety word’ for saying no, an easy way to tell people that we can’t/won’t do the thing they are requesting, but that it’s not personal. You are asking them to respect that you’re taking care of yourself and that you also respect their need to take care of themselves.
Research suggests that when we precipitate a decision that allows us to change our minds later, we tend to be a lot less happy with the decisions that we make. Once we decline an invitation or say “no”, we need to make an effort to focus on the good that will come from saying no, not the regret or guilt we may feel. Perhaps we will be better rested because we didn’t go to a party, or we’ll feel less resentful because we let someone else help our friend out. Maybe saying no to something frees up time for another (more fulfilling) activity. Whatever the case may be, focus on the positive outcome of your effort to give a good “no”. Because saying no is really about allowing ourselves to really enjoy what we are doing in the moment, whatever that might be.
Feel free to let us know below how you set your boundaries and have learnt how to lovingly say no..