How Ego Reflects In Our Communication

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“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” ~ Shannon L. Alder

Sometimes it can feel as we are in an ego minefield, a battle of the egos bouncing off of each other with beliefs and subconscious traumas reflecting off of eachother’s self-created identities. 

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

What Is Ego?

The ego is the mind’s identity of our own making, an identity that is false.

We are more than just the mind and the ego. Taking all the beliefs of what we are, beliefs about our personality, talents, and abilities, we have the structure of our ego. These talents, abilities, and portions of our personality will be attributes of our skills, but the mental construct of our “self” is artificial. This description might seem as if the ego is a static thing, yet it is an active and dynamic part of our personalities, playing a dominating role in creating emotional plays and dramas in the movie of our lives.

When we have thoughts about our self that we agree with we construct a self-image within our self-awareness. The kinds of thoughts that contribute to the structure are ~ 

~”I’m not good at making friends.”

~”I am intelligent.”

~”My mother thinks I am a failure.”

~“Nobody likes me.”

~”I am more aware than you.”

~”I have longer meditation sessions therefore I am more awake than you.”

The ego hides behind the “I” and “me” in those thoughts and statements about our identity. The ego can get in the way of having clear dialogue with others, it can ~ 

~Push people away from you

~Stop you from growing.

~Block love from coming into your life.

~Kill your happiness.

~Make you critical and irrational.

Gaining control of your ego is the best thing that you can do for yourself or else it will continue getting in the way of your relationships, your career, and your life.

How To Gain Awareness Of The Ego

It can be hard to see, because the ego shadows behind opinions that appear true, our attachment to the descriptions of our identity, and because we haven’t practiced looking.

You can get a glimpse of the ego by being aware of certain thoughts, similar to those listed above. The easier way to spot the ego is by the track of emotional reactions it leaves behind: Anger at a loved one, a need to be right, a feeling of insecurity in certain situations, feelings of jealousy that are unexplained, the need to impress someone, and so on. These emotions can be attributed to the false beliefs that comprise the ego. In the beginning, it is easier to see the symptoms of resulting emotions and drama, rather than the ego that caused it.

One of the most deceptive aspects of the ego is that it generates powerful emotional reactions and then blames us for how it made us feel. The anger we react with comes from ego-based beliefs of being right and “knowing better” than someone else. Perhaps there is also a victim interpretation of betrayal or injustice underneath. After we overreact with anger we might feel bad for what we expressed. The ego shifts to a “righteous self” that “knows better” and berates us for overreacting with anger. At the same time, it assumes the identity of being the “stupid idiot” that didn’t know any better and takes the blame for overreacting. All these attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs take place in the mind, and even though they are completely different, we assume all of them come from us. If they really were expressions coming from our genuine selves, they wouldn’t contradict, and we would be able to stop them.

Letting Go of the Ego

Because of its multitude of aspects, it’s not practical to think that you can dissolve all of the ego at once. Much like a field that is overgrown, you don’t just lift the debris and throw it away – you cut off manageable pieces as you go along. The same approach is effective with letting go of the false beliefs that make up the ego. You begin by detaching from individual thoughts that reinforce it, then let go of beliefs, separating yourself from the false identity of your ego. There are many websites, YouTube channels and spiritual practices you can involve yourself in to learn more about this by taking a browse through cyberspace. 

Feel free to let us know your thoughts on the ego and how it reflects in our communication below.. 

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Ego can be one of the most detrimental things in our life, and you are right that you cant let go of all our ego in one go, we have to do it in stages! Thanks for sharing this 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      The ego prevents us from acting on our basic urges (created by the id) but also works to achieve a balance with our moral and idealistic standards (created by the superego). The ego operates based on the reality principle, which works to satisfy the id’s desires in a manner that is realistic and socially appropriate. Most welcome Niraj, glad you liked the post.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. thebendyfork says:

    We hear to respond not listen to understand. As I grow older I realize the concept of being proven wrong or having your opinion questioned blocks so many possibilities for the art of conversation to be explored.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      I agree with you. Everyone has a story to tell, and when you speak less you will have more time to understand other people and learn more about life. We all experience different things, and it’s impossible to learn everything from your own experiences. Sometimes you need to pay attention and learn from others.

      Liked by 2 people

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