I’m going to concentrate on romantic relationships today because it’s the simplest, but I’m here to tell you that these habits are harming all of your relationships. So, even if you’re not in a relationship, you should keep reading because everything I’m about to say applies to your relationship with your sister, best friend, boss, or parent. It’s time to stop destroying your relationship!
Because of our human need for connection, we tend to reach out to others to discuss our relationship issues. It gives us comfort in many way. While it’s okay to get external support from people you love and trust, you also need to know this :
Because we tend to see the negatives first and jump to conclusions (that’s just how our brain is wired for survival), a common habit is to “bad-mouth” your partner when you talk to others about your relationship struggles.
Bad-mouthing can look like sharing what your partner isn’t doing in your relationship, what’s bothering you about them, the doubts you’re experiencing because of something they did….
This is a natural initial reaction (so don’t judge yourself for it) but know that 4 things happen when you do that with people close to you :
- If you get different opinions, you end up even more confused, which is why you feel “stuck” & aren”t sure what to do.
- Because you’re sharing your perspective, you’ll rarely get objective advice (unless you talk to a relationship expert).
- If you ask others what you should do, their answers might go against what you truly want (even if their intention are good).
- People give advice based on their experiences, so their advice might not be the best to handle a situation in your relationship,
Talking negatively about your partner to others when thing aren’t the way you want them to be can lead to feeling even more disconnected from your partner since you’re reinforcing your internal narrative & beliefs about a situation.
It’s great to surround yourself with supportive people when you need someone to talk to but also make sure to tune into what you want, seek objective advice & talk to your partner about what’s going on.
As obvious as this sounds, you’re in a relationship with your partner so at the end of the day, if something’s bothering you, that’s the person you need to clarify things with. If it’s hard to have a constructive conversation together, this is an opportunity to learn how to do that so that you can have authentic, open interactions that make you grow stronger together. That’s how you give yourself a chance to build trust and solid foundation for a healthy relationship.