Because Who Needs a Therapist When You Have Late-Night Existential Crises?
For much of my life, I was on an unending search for love and acceptance. I often felt like I was standing on the sidelines, so close to belonging but constantly feeling like an outsider. But recently, something inside me has changed. I’ve gone on a recovery road that is both dirty and wonderful, full of minor successes and setbacks, heartbreaks and breakthroughs.
Healing is not usually a big and victorious celebration. It can be a peaceful, gentle process at times. It’s a highly personal journey, and I’ve come to realise that no one will ever completely comprehend my experience or the inner workings of my mind as I do. In the past, I frequently discounted my own emotions and rejected my experiences in order to fit in and keep the peace. I lost myself striving to be flawless, putting myself into a nice little box that was never meant to hold me. However, I am now mending, which means that not everyone in my life will continue to walk alongside me.
It’s terrible to watch some of the individuals you care about slip away. The pain of losing someone you care about who is still alive is difficult to put into words. It elicits every emotion from you in order to move forward without them by your side. But here’s what I’ve discovered: you can’t make someone love you, and you can’t love them into staying. You can create a warm and beautiful little home within your heart, full with love, security, compassion, and trust. You can try endlessly to show them how much you care, but if they aren’t ready, they won’t remain. The warmth of that precious little house inside your heart will be insufficient for those who are not meant for you.
Healing has become everything for me. Making it a high priority in my life was the best move I’ve made for myself and, ultimately, people I care about. I’ve already seen a lot of change in myself, from how I handle challenging talks to the connections I choose to cultivate. I’m no longer begging folks to accept and love me. I now have so much self-respect and love for myself that I will never compromise again. I also understand that my healing process is continually developing, which I find lovely. It allows me to wake up every day and start anew, choosing healing over and over.
As I continue on this profound healing journey, I am aware that not everyone in my life will be with me. In the past, I hung on too tightly, clutching at any thread to keep myself connected to someone I loved who was drifting away. I see things differently today, yet I can still feel the burn marks on the insides of my palms from holding on too long. I’m putting in the hard work through endless appointments with my great therapist, deep inner work, and confronting some pretty heavy stuff in the middle of the night when no one else is awake to hear me weep.
I’ve been alone for a long time, and while I often feel lonely, I know that it won’t be in vain. I aspire to bring my healed self into a healthy, loving relationship, and I am confident that I will succeed. I’ve been busy putting my previous demons to rest and keeping my sights forward rather than behind me, and it’s been the finest move I could have taken for my mental health. I used to compromise my mental health in order to be loved and accepted, but I no longer do so. I now understand that people can only meet you to the extent that they have met themselves. The truth of that is mirrored in the depth of your relationship and how healthy or toxic the relationship really is beneath the surface.
Healing your heart is the most hardest wound you will ever face. But as you sew up each trauma, heartache, and loss, you’ll observe a scab and, eventually, a scar forming where the open wound once was. You’ll be able to lightly touch that scar and remember what used to be there, but it won’t hurt as much as it used to. You’ll remember when it was a cavernous hole overflowing with every lie, broken promise, and goodbye, but it won’t overwhelm you with existential dread. You will be able to honour that wound and everything it has taught you before moving on. You’ll gaze at yourself in the mirror with loving eyes and say, “gaze at you healing and alive and “Look at you healing and living and breathing without them. I am growing and stretching and evolving and blossoming. I am healing.”
This healing path is much more than simply repairing what is broken; it is also about understanding who I am beneath the layers of hurt and expectation. It’s about finding inner peace and accepting who I was born to be. As I continue to heal, I know I am not alone. Many of us are on this route, each with our unique set of experiences and scars. And, together, we may draw strength from our common experiences and hope for a greater, more real future.
Be Inspired..!! 
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