I was once told by a Buddhist master that there are two kinds of children in the world: those born to repay the kindness of their parents, and those born only to take what their parents have. Ask yourself: Which kind of a son or daughter are you to your parents? When you think your spouse won’t change and you worry how you will live the rest of your life together, ask yourself: Am I perfect in my spouse’s eyes?
When faced with a problem in a relationship, it will never be solved if you begin by asking, “Why can’t he understand me?” or “Why won’t he just do what I say?” It is because this approach begins with a demand. Instead, begin by asking, What is it that makes him unhappy and feel misunderstood?” or “What past experience is making him respond in this way?” When you begin with the intention of understanding him, your heart is released from the prison of your views and opens up to feel his pain. People who easily ignore others do so because they are afraid of being ignored.
Excerpt From: Haemin Sunim. “The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to Be Calm and Mindful in a Fast-Paced World”. Apple Books.