Humans are made by triggers. We experience them in interactions with coworkers, romantic partners, and total strangers. An unhealed emotional wound is a trigger. You can tell how long a trigger has been repressed by the intensity of your emotions. The fact that triggers provide us the chance to watch and reflect helps us recover, not that they are negative. This is straightforward because it is. At the same time, practising is really challenging since we react unconsciously when an emotional trigger occurs. We physically react below the level of awareness, which can cause confusion in other people if they are involved.
Here are some ways to think about what makes you want to love and where healing is needed:
Trigger -I believed I was past this. How come I’m still triggering?
Tell Yourself This – The effort you have put in to better understand yourself, control your emotions, develop your relationships with better boundaries, assertive communication, etc., is not negated by triggers.
Trigger – I should have known better. I think I’ve gone backwards.
Tell Yourself This – No you haven’t. The hard work you’ve put in has allowed you to get this far, possibly allowing you to resume dating, deepen relationships with family and friends, and try new things. Your willingness to try again shows that you were confident enough to use these skills. Healing is not about perfection.
Trigger – I am trying to understand, but I don’t get what my triggers are trying to teach me.
Tell Yourself This – Our triggers provide us with an opportunity to reflect and move forward, rather than ruminate. They act as a reflection of our inner world. Can you ask yourself, with compassion and non-judgment, what about this situation is triggering? How does it relate to your values?
Trigger – I don’t want to give up. I want to be prepared next time.
Tell Yourself This – Perhaps you value intimacy, which made it possible for you to try dating again, but their vulnerability made you want to withdraw. How can you express your needs while also keeping theirs in mind? Perhaps it contradicts the ideal that drove you to apply for a second interview. How can you be present for this previous incarnation of yourself who yearned for this chance so ardently and give them a chance to try?
Trigger – If you listen closely enough, your triggers will guide you towards the root cause.
Tell Yourself This -These are the places on our bodies where emotional wounds are most likely to occur. Unfulfilled childhood needs that yearn to be met by the present self with compassion and curiosity. In the end, triggers are simply your inner world’s messengers and are neither necessarily “good” or “bad.”
As the title of my blog says “Listen to your inner self, it has all the answers”, I hope you find your answers too.