Deep feelings are sensations that you get right in the heart. It’s a feeling that is so strong that it just overcomes any other feeling inside of you. The feelings are able to control your emotions, they make you cry, whether with pleasure or sorrow, they make you believe. They really are sometimes indescribable. They are so intense that most of the times we keep it within ourselves due to the fear of being hurt.
It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel everything all the time. The only people who will truly understand what I mean by that are the ones who are just like me. The ones who cry when they see a crippled person on the side of the road, the ones who tear up in the metro when they see an old mother sitting alone with her special child trying to be normal, and the ones who sit in their room and weep to the point of convulsing when their favorite TV character dies.
A lot of people would think I’m crazy or that there is something mentally wrong with me. But is there, really? Is there something wrong with being sad about a crippled person on the side of the road, helpless, waiting for either dead to take him away or someone to help him with some food and shelter? Is there something wrong about becoming emotional because you see someone else living in so much loneliness and pain? Shouldn’t it affect everyone else the way they affect me? Why does it seem like I am the only person who seems to feel anything at all?
But with these deep feelings also comes clarity about things. Everything in my life means something to me – and always will. There’s nothing wrong with me because I’m what many would like to call a “highly sensitive person”, though I am good at hiding it ;). While I might experience more sadness in my day-to-day life, I also experience greater levels of happiness. When i’m happy, I’m ecstatic. When I wake up and grind at the gym every morning, I’m happier and grateful than most people in the same situation because I realise that I am blessed enough that I can, that I left laziness behind. Being able to feel deeply enables me pay more attention to details, which is nice since they’re often the most beautiful part.
Sometimes the world makes me feel like something is wrong with me for being vulnerable and allowing myself to take in the bad and bask in the good – but there’s nothing wrong with feeling the things everyone else should be feeling. Sometimes I sit back and think about whether or not I could be in a relationship with “someone like me.” I’m not sure if this is something normal people think about, or only weird, fucked up people like me. But it’s a very real concern of mine. Am i too emotional for someone to handle? Could the things I feel make other people uncomfortable enough to want to leave?
But then on a flip-side, I don’t really care. I have to be at peace with myself at the end of every moment of every day. Call me selfish, but atleast I am happy feelings so deeply.