Building Self Esteem

Self-esteem is not a thing that’s either high or low that we carry around with us. Nor is it a thing we wear to protect ourselves from pain. Self-esteem is not a thing at all: it’s an action. It’s something we do. We esteem ourselves. What high self-esteem means is that you treat yourself as someone you hold in high esteem; i.e., you act as if you like yourself.

Self esteem is the sum of your thoughts and feelings about who you are. Treating yourself well and having respect for yourself is important to well-being. Here’s what you can do to build self esteem :

  • Self Talk – Would you lovingly encourage another the way you speak to yourself in your head? If not, consider changing your style to more supportive self talk.
  • Reflect & Celebrate – Make it a daily habit to replay happy times, celebrate big and small achievements and reflect on all that is going well in your life.
  • Set Goals & Follow Through – Don’t hold back on your goals if they matter to you. Self esteem skyrockets when you complete what you say you’re going to do and give yourself your best.
  • Be Prepared – Develop a process for dealing with unhelpful feelings and thoughts. Know what helps you. e.g. writing it out, exercise, talking it out, speaking back to the inner critic, changing the “station”.
  • Be Mindful – Become aware of your habitual thoughts and feelings about yourself. They are not facts. You can question and replace perfectionism and other limiting beliefs.
  • Find Your Flow – Flow is a place to re-energise and re-inspire yourself, to immerse yourself in pleasure and ease doing something that challenges and engages you, giving you pleasure. Know what takes you there and dive into flow regularly. To find it follow your life’s joys; the things you love to do; explore your talents.
  • Focus on Experiences – Prioritise experiences, learning, ideas and intelligence over appearances. They offer deeper and more lasting pleasure.
  • Keep Good Company – There’s a saying : Before your diagnose yourself as having depression or low-self esteem, check you’re not just surrounded by assholes. Although it’s a joke, there’s actually something quite psychologically sound in that. Choose to be around people who aren’t afraid to give compliments, be kind, be generous, love and be loved.
  • Act With Consistency – Want to start exercising/meditating/eating better? Decide. Do it. Don’t just think about it. Just Do It. Keep choosing to do it. Consistency is a massive part of success.
  • Go All In – Succeed or fail, it grows self esteem and self respect to use your abilities and courage rather than hold back or hide from challenges.
  • Learn To Be Alone – Relationships are important but so is alone time. Learn to use and value alone time. Find your flow and follow the joy of your interests and passions.
  • Help Somebody – A great thing to do if you’re feeling low or down on yourself is to help somebody else. Don’t overthink you. Get out and give it yourself.

Whether it’s exercise, time to read, new friends, a medical checkup or a silent decision to stop criticizing yourself for how you feel, you will raise your self-esteem as soon as you take action to do something for yourself. If you can take only one step, make it a step to get help. You deserve it.

41 Comments Add yours

  1. iamvhardik says:

    Self-esteem is one thing that can make or break us. It depends on the factors mentioned in the article and also on the energy we project to the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      I agree with you Hardik. Most people who have low self-esteem feel inferior to others. They believe that they don’t measure up to some standard that others meet. Frequently they feel that some flaw within them means that they are not worthwhile or deserving. For many people I have worked with this flaw is not something visible to others but something magnified by the person with low self-esteem due to past experiences. For example, a person who believes she is selfish because that is what she was told as a child although her behavior as viewed by others may be quite giving and compassionate.

      Like

  2. Love this, some great tips.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Glad you liked it.

      Like

  3. cynthiahm says:

    What a great list, Garima!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Thank you Cynthia. I love the genuinity of self esteem. People with high self-esteem can be honest with themselves and others both emotionally and intellectually. As they aren’t fearful of others truly knowing them, they tend to be genuine in their interactions with others.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. cynthiahm says:

        Genuine people are my favourite kind of people to be around.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Garima says:

        Yes they are not afraid to be vulnerable and that’s what makes us human 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. lcastin1201 says:

    Thank you. Loved this read and much needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      You are very welcome. Individuals with high self-esteem tend to have internally-based values rather than externally-based values. In other words, they have a strong identity based on chosen values rather than values they believe due to the demands or expectations of others. This type of identity is usually considered an “achieved identity” in which a person has analyzed their beliefs and values to decide the set of internal principles or values that they will adhere to.

      Like

  5. Haley Scully says:

    Very well said, on all points. This was a wonderful explanation of self-esteem and what it truly means. I know I’ll come back to this post in the future. Thanks so much for sharing! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Thank you Haley. People with high self-esteem are positive with an appreciative and grateful attitude towards life. They can freely praise themselves and others and tend to look for the positive aspects of life and not dwell on the negative.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haley Scully says:

        You’re most welcome! It’s always a joy to read your posts! They’re so inspiring and full of positivity. Also, great explanation! Those are the aspects that make for truly high self-esteem. Positivity and looking on the bright side are huge parts of it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Garima says:

        Thank you Haley. I am glad you like my posts.

        Like

      3. Haley Scully says:

        Of course, you’re very welcome! I really do enjoy them. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Garima says:

        🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Glad you liked it. Many people with low self-esteem experience anxiety, especially social anxiety. Frequently, this is a consequence of the social evaluative aspect of self-esteem. In other words, we tend to evaluate our self based upon comparisons to other people. In addition, many people are concerned about others’ evaluating them and assume that others will see the same flaws and incompetencies that they see within themselves. Such a concern leads to the feelings of anxiety.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Glad you liked it Grace. The self-concept is derived from self-esteem and self-efficacy. If a person has low self-esteem, the self-concept may be skewed in the direction of a negative description. Some aspects of the self-concept may be purely statements of fact such as “I have a college education” or “I don’t dance” without any evaluation of whether it is good or bad. In fact, people with a good self-esteem and self-efficacy are often able to recognize their limitations without a judgment attached. For instance, “I don’t have a good sense of direction” can be just a statement of fact without feeling good or bad about it.

      Like

      1. Absolutely. Well done, Garima!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Pia Majumdar says:

    Stunning piece man, love this really. Adore this, daaamnnnn hon, this has my heart ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      We all need a little boost sometimes. Glad you liked it.

      Like

  7. Carbohydrate says:

    Thanks for your article! Yeah, in my life I’ve actually felt pretty good about myself. But for a couple of years I must have fallen into a situation where people might not have been that straight with me. I was caught off guard because I seriously thought that adults in public didn’t tease or bully. So there I was trying to help them out. But I think it was just part of a big joke for them. I don’t know if you’ve ever been hit in the head and vision dims while the world around you fades for a moment. This social experience was kind of like that. It was very confining. You know, over the years I’ve been able to forgive everyone who has done me wrong, even horrible things. But I don’t know if I will be able to forgive the people who took my spark. I’m improving myself again and am taking decent steps. But I’ve lost all attachments, good or bad, with those people. It’s refreshing. Once I let them go, I very quickly moved back to the peaceful path. I’m on the doorstep to regaining my humor, the last best step.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      You are brave and please continue to do so. The world is full of people who will not understand you. But we must embrace our individuality and remain happy with you we are.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Carbohydrate says:

        It’s difficult when people only support you when you’re doing well. I find that in real life too. When I struggle and need support and comforting, I get ignored. That makes me bitter. I’ll never fully recover from my failures, mostly because everyone, everyone ignores me. I owe no one. I account for no one.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Garima says:

        It’s important to be as independent as possible Carb. That’s what my experience in life has taught me. Alright we can’t ignore our close relationships, and that is why healthy boundaries are important. Don’t you think?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Carbohydrate says:

        I don’t ignore anyone. The point is that unless you are successful, even though people love you, they will not come near. An example is when I’m distressed here, no one supports me. Though in the five years of writing on WordPress, I’ve only gotten a dozen of so comments on my work, even though I comment on other’s. It highly discouraging.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Carbohydrate says:

        I promise not to tie up the thread with more than, I’m tired of working my butt off for twenty three years for nothing, and I’m finding it hard to live alone. My marriage was good. But apparently I wasn’t knowledgeable about else wise. We’ve been divorced for six years now. I get depressed every other week and refuse to get help. I just want a hug once in awhile. But I don’t have contact with people that often, because of work mostly, not having money and not having time. I’m certain WordPress doesn’t want me. But I hang on in spite of it.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Garima says:

        Hey Carb stop being so sad. Go take a walk outside, believe me it helps. No technology, no phone, just a walk for 10 minutes. Go now and get this negativity off you

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Carbohydrate says:

        Will do. But it’s been so ingrained.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Garima says:

        Don’t give up please 🙂🙂

        Like

  8. Thank you for those words, the poem resonated with me and birthed today’s post from happinessforjoy
    will follow

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      I am glad you liked it. Self esteem is so important for everyone and we all should be reminded to go back to basics from time to time.

      Like

  9. Anonymous says:

    Self-esteem is very important in life.
    It allows you to motivate yourself.
    It can make you a stronger person, And can help others to stand up. Self-esteem mean is other’s esteem

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Yes agreed. And that is why we should focus on building our self esteem on a daily basis as there are and always will be external factors thwarting at it. One way to improve your self-esteem can actually be to take on a challenge. This doesn’t mean that you need to do everything yourself part of the challenge might be to seek help when you need it—but be prepared to try something that you know will be difficult to achieve.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Glad you liked it. People with good self-esteem generally feel positive about themselves, and about life. This makes them much more resilient, and better able to cope with life’s ups and downs.

      Liked by 2 people

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