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Love Languages

In Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages, one of the most useful relationship books in print. He suggests that we speak different languages when expressing love to one another. The basis of the book’s idea is that there is a great deal of marital discord because we attempt to express love to our partner but find ourselves speaking a different language than what our spouse understands. In this context, great effort to express love may not be received or appreciated by the recipient of those efforts. I will list and briefly describe the five languages here, but treat yourself to the much more in depth picture that Chapman paints. It is one of our absolute favorite books and we highly recommend it. Remember, if you put these principals into place in your dating relationship, you’ll be ready and much more able to use them when you’re married.

  • Words of Affirmation – I love you. If this is your love language, you love the power words possess. You live for the “good morning, beautiful/handsome” texts and nothings warms your heart more than a good old fashioned compliment. Whether it be on your work performance, a personality trait, or your looks, you swoon over being verbally validated on a regular basis.
  • Quality Time – If this is how you like to receive love, nothing beats being constantly surrounded by those who love. Even if it’s just a phone call, some carried out plans, or just being in the same room as the other person while cruising the internet or mindlessly watching Netflix. Cancelled plans or general flakiness turns you off, and make you feel rejected. In your eyes, time spent with the person you love is the best time spent.
  • Giving Gifts – The way you see it. Receiving gifts is the ultimate way to interpret love. This isn’t to be confused with being being or materialistic. Most can agree that is someone sees something and thinks, “Damn, he/she would love this!” they’re pretty great people. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be thought of. You love receiving gifts that are personalised and require lots of thinking and/or hint induced.
  • Physical Touch – This goes hand in hand (no pun intended) with quality time more often than not. It’s quality time, but amplified a bit, because it’s taking a step further into needing this persons physical presence rather than needing consistent communication. If this is you, you need cuddling, hugging, handholding, and other physical signals that suggest they care about you and want to be with you too.
  • Acts of Service – Consider a time where you really didn’t want to do a certain chore or task, but when you got around to it, it was already done for you. Acts if service basically translates into favours. Acts of service are things like doing the dishes for someone, or taking on a task that isn’t necessarily enjoyable just so your loved one doesn’t have to put up with it.

Read more on Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages

31 replies »

    • I highly recommend this book and its message. Using the techniques you can learn doesn’t guarantee a successful relationship. (There are no guarantees as situations are very subjective). But the information gained can definitely make communication and a loving connection easier. The book is an easy read that is quite captivating. You will learn a lot about yourself and your partner. It’s all good!

      Liked by 1 person

    • I read it recently Barbara and I am in awe. I liked the way it emphasised that having a beautiful relationship is all about loving yourself and being grateful of all the good characteristics in your partner. This is one book I will go back to again and again in my life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I am glad this book helped you to refine your love language Joy. There are many components to a relationship and love language is just one of them — which is promising for those who don’t speak the same love language. But while that’s great to hear, we still need to go back to the compromising factor of how to cope when you and your partner speak different love languages. You may not need to speak the same language to have a great and healthy relationship, but you do need to be willing to give a little on your end, just as much as they need to on their end.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I agree totally! I was just impressed (as someone who has always found the give part of the give and take in a relationship much easier) how much I learned about myself in that book.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Love is a kind of giving. That much you know. But what are we really giving? Not just our stuff, our things, but ourselves. What’s the deepest part of ourself? It’s our awareness. Our capacity to experience things as they truly are. Awareness is the greatest gift any of us can give, because it is the truest thing each of us has.So to love, we must experience another person or thing as they truly are. Right here, in this moment, now, each instant. Without preconception, judgment, distortion. Not yesterday’s images and concepts and memories of them. But the reality of them, now, here. With awareness as pure as snow, as gentle as rain, as clear as sunlight.


    • Oh thank you for this title. I will check it out. I think for adult relationships Unless your partner can read minds, then you need to tell them, with words, what you need from them. If you’re compromising, then you need the same from them but they can’t give you that until you communicate what you need. Those lines of communication need to be wide open if you’re going to get over your love language differences and not let them be a roadblock. What do you think?


    • Yes Andrada, we need to live more in the present. Relationships are about compromise. I know, I know; I don’t like to compromise either, but it’s just something you need to do if you want to make a relationship work. Since you can’t avoid compromise, then you need play the give and take game. What this means is that you need to give into being more physical, if that’s how your partner communicates their love, while they need to be more willing to perform acts of service, if that’s your language. As Chapman wrote for Motto, “If you don’t learn to speak your partner’s language, they won’t feel loved and nurtured —and vice versa.” So, yeah, compromise is key here.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes Peter we all have our own love languages which actually keep changing depending upon moon and time. Well, the most common love language by far is quality time for both men and women. In fact, it’s chosen so frequently that it’s more than twice as common as the second closest response, words of affirmation. When it comes to second place, it was a tie between physical touch and words of affirmation for most men.


  1. Very interesting article! Thank you for sharing! I think I am a Quality Time kind of person – but with something of the Words of Affirmation type. My boyfriend instead is in between Physical Touch and Quality Time – so luckiny it is easy for us to find a common love language!


    Liked by 1 person

    • Quality Time in a Relationship is Important. A significant amount of quality time, which means time spent where you give all of your attention to your partner, gives couples time to relax and open up their heart to the other.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love the love languages.

    On Sat, Feb 22, 2020 at 11:42 AM Be Inspired..!! wrote:

    > Garima posted: ” In Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages, one of > the most useful relationship books in print. He suggests that we speak > different languages when expressing love to one another. The basis of the > book’s idea is that there is a great deal of marital d” >

    Liked by 1 person

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