Guilt and shame are both emotions of self-evaluation; however, that is wherethe similarities end. The difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” (shame) and “I did something bad” (guilt). Shame is about who we are and guilt is about our behaviors. If I feel guilty for cheating on a test, my self-talk might sound something like “I should not have done that. That was really stupid.
Guilt and Shame often, when we try to shame others or ourselves into changing a behaviour, we do so without understanding the differences between shame and guilt. This is important because guilt can often be a positive motivator of change, while shame typically leads to worse behaviour or paralysis. Here are few subtle difference between guilt and shame :
GUILT (Healthy Guilt)
- Healthy guilt is a feeling of psychological discomfort about something we’ve done that is objectively wrong.
- Helpful guilt is caused by actions or behaviours that break objective definitions of right and wrong.
- We can experience guilt as early as age 3-6, (developmentally, guilt is a more mature emotion than shame).
- We act in a way that breaks objective standards of moral behaviour.
- Potentially positive. Healthy guilt allows us to seek forgiveness and correct a wrong. It can lead to healing.
- Healthy guilt resolves as we repair the damage we caused.
- Face the behaviour that hurt self and others.
- Take responsibility for the harm done.
- Seek forgiveness from the person affected.
- Change destructive behaviour and attitudes that created the harm.
- Reclaim wholeness and heal relationship with the person affected.
GUILT (Unhealthy Guilt)
- Unhelpful guilt is a feeling of psychological discomfort about something we’ve done against our irrationally high standards.
- Unhelpful guilt is caused by actions or behaviours that break irrationally high standards.
- We can experience guilt as early as age 3-6.
- We act in a way that breaks irrational standards of behaviour developed early in childhood to please an adult.
- Potentially negative. Unhealthy guilt leads us to emphasise self punishment over behaviour change, trapping us in guilt.
- Unhealthy guilt remains until we correct irrational beliefs.
- Separate and resolve healthy guilt to uncover unhealthy guilt.
- Practice self compassion and work to understand that everyone possesses a combination of strengths and weaknesses.
- Seek connection with others, joining a self help group can offer support.
SHAME
- Shame is an intensely painful feeling of being fundamentally flawed.
- Shame is caused by an innate sense of being worthless or inherently defective.
- We can experience shame as early as 15 months. Thats why shame is more deeply wired in our brain and is more difficult to reverse.
- We see ourselves as unworthy and deeply flawed.
- Potentially negative. Shame causes us to fear that we will be rejected, so it tempts us to disconnect from others and avoid what causes us shame.
- It could even start us down a path of deeper mental health problems like depression and substance abuse.
- It could even start us down a path of deeper mental health problems like depression and substance abuse.
- Shame is internalised and deeply connected to our sense of who are which makes it more difficult to resolve.
- Exercise self compassion to shift feelings of shame and move awareness away from self criticism or proof of inadequacy.
- Pursue relationships. Nurture connections and a sense of belonging with others.
Reference : https://www.nicabm.com/guilt-vs-shame/
Be Inspired..!! 
Leave a comment