Build Better Boundaries

Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others. But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one.

To have better boundaries we should know what are the characteristics of unhealthy and healthy boundaries. Here are certain pointers which you might find helpful :

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

  • Telling all.
  • Trusting no one or trusting anyone or black and white thinking.
  • Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.
  • Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
  • Talking at an intimate level at the first meeting.
  • Being overwhelmed by a person.
  • Acting on the first sexual impulse.
  • Being sexual for your partner, not yourself.
  • Going against personal values or gifts to please another person.
  • Falling in love with someone who reaches out.
  • Falling in love with a new acquaintance.
  • Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don’t want.
  • Touching a person without asking.
  • Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.
  • Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.
  • Letting others define you.
  • Letting others direct your life.
  • Letting others describe your reality.
  • Believing others can anticipate your needs.
  • Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
  • Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.
  • Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
  • Sexual and physical abuse
  • Food abuse

Signs of Healthy Boundaries

  • Appropriate trust.
  • Moving step by step into intimacy.
  • Staying focused on your own growth and recovery.
  • Maintaining personal values despite what others want.
  • Noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
  • Saying “No” to food, gifts, touch, sex you don’t want.
  • Revealing a little of yourself at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to sharing.
  • Putting a new acquaintanceship on hold until you check for compatibility.
  • Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you.
  • Weighting the consequences before acting on sexual impulse.
  • Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.
  • Being sexual when you want to be sexual, concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than monitoring reactions of your partner.
  • Asking a person before touching them.
  • Trusting your own decisions.
  • Defining your truth, as you see it.
  • Knowing who you are and what you want.
  • Becoming your own living parent.
  • Talking to yourself with gentleness, humour, love and respect.
  • Respect for others not taking advantage of someone’s generosity.
  • Self respect not giving too much in hope that someone will like you.
  • Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity.
  • Recognising that friends and partner are not mind-readers.
  • Clearly communicating your wants and needs (and recognising that you may be turned down, but you can ask).

Which category do you want into? It is okay to oscillate between unhealthy and healthy boundaries as long as you are more on the healthy boundaries side.

Source : Pinterest

22 Comments Add yours

  1. yes to healthy boundaries! Not easy to implement but necessary for our own well being and that of others. Very helpful post. thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Yes Christina, they are difficult to build and hence a balance is a good start. Personal Boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Boundaries are basic guidelines that people create to establish how others are able to behave around them. Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate, and caring.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. exactly!! Coming from a dysfunctional family background I used to allow people to walk all over me, but now Im practicing healthy boundaries! its been an interesting journey. I enjoyed your post! look forward to reading more. cheers

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Garima says:

        Looking forward to writing more. Cheers.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. For many years I lived in a very unhealthy relationship. I took down any boundary she asked me too and some days I still feel unsure about why I did it. I don’t usually allow my boundaries to be invaded but with her….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Well we all those people :):)
      Try to balance some boundaries with them. Talk to them about how you feel. If it’s in the past, forgive yourself and then and move on.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes. It has been in the past for many years now. That said, I see that while I generally live by list number two, in this relationship I ended up living mostly in list one for a very long time. I am glad to be free.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Garima says:

        Here’s to new beginnings 🙌🏼🙌🏼

        Liked by 1 person

  3. moncoindeslivres says:

    Wow I thought I’m doing better but I still have a lot to work on. Thanks for the lists, makes me learn something more about myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      We are all a work in progress. Some of our boundaries are more important than others but which ones? Get to know which boundaries you consider negotiable and non-negotiable. To be willing to compromise can be a good thing, especially in a new relationship for example, where both people are adjusting. However, this doesn’t entail abandoning your needs to please them.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. This is an awesome article. 👍👌👏🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Thank you Ravindra. By setting your own boundaries, you’re telling others how you want and expect to be treated; in other words, you are setting your limits about who can come into your space and what you expect of others once they’re there—how you want to be spoken to, touched, and treated psychologically and emotionally.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shared it with grand daughter, my daughter’s daughter, who will join college this year.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Garima says:

        Oh this article would be wonderful for her. I wish her all the best for her new journey.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thanks for your blessings!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Garima says:

        🙏🏼🙏🏼

        Like

  5. I’d say many of these are true as well for work/life balance. Many times we (many) find ourselves in situations that are almost impossible to say ‘No’ to or maintain our personal times with our partners or family, all in the name of work! This is a healthy reminder to begin that boundary building. Thanks, Garima. =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      You are keep me Mircea. I understand what you are saying, we all have been and will be in such situations. It’s just about having an inner knowledge of your values. It shows you respect yourself and your needs – a trait that’s incredibly attractive to prospective partners too. Boundaries are also important because they help you to spot signs that something or someone isn’t quite right earlier on.

      Like

  6. Relationships are so complex, but it’s easy to describe interests and positions in a nutshell. There are interesting lines on this palm, but there is an incompleteness in terms of implementing goals.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garima says:

      Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others. Living in the great area is not healthy in a long run.

      Like

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