How I Fake Being Put-Together With Stuff I Bought at 2 AM on Amazon

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I don’t know who invented early morning Zoom calls, but I’d like to speak to their manager.
Because nothing—and I mean nothing—makes me question my career choices more than seeing my own sleepy reflection in that little bottom corner.
But since “sorry, I’m having Wi-Fi issues” only works so many times, I had to figure out how to look alive fast.
Like, roll-out-of-bed-and-transform-into-someone-who-totally-has-their-life-together fast.
So here’s my actual 5-minute “Zoom emergency” routine—with products that live on my bathroom counter, my desk, and sometimes, yes, in my kitchen drawer. (Don’t judge me.)
1. Wake-Up Spray for Your Face (and Soul)
I used to splash cold water on my face.
Then I upgraded to this Heritage Store Rosewater & Glycerin Facial Mist.
Two spritzes and suddenly I smell like I slept in a garden, not on my couch with one sock on.
It hydrates, wakes me up, and gives my face a soft glow that says, “I read the whole memo.”
Even if I didn’t.
đź•’ Time so far: 30 seconds.
2. Undereye Patches = Instant Nap
I slap on these Peter Thomas Roth 24K Gold Pure Luxury Lift & Firm Hydra-Gel Eye Patches while checking Slack.
They feel cool, reduce puffiness, and make me feel 5% more fabulous just by existing.
Plus, they stay put while I make coffee. I once wore them in a Zoom meeting and no one noticed.
Now that’s what I call stealth glam.
đź•’ Time so far: 1.5 minutes.
3. Lip Tint That Pretends You’re Alive
No time for lipstick. No energy for lip liner.
But this Peripera Ink Velvet Lip Tint in “Bestie Pink” is my ride-or-die.
It feels like nothing, lasts forever, and gives me a naturally alive tint that doesn’t scream, “I’m trying.”
It also doubles as a blush if you tap a little on your cheeks. Game changer.
đź•’ Time so far: 2.5 minutes.
4. Hair = Headband and Hope
My hair in the morning? A crime scene.
On Zoom, I just need it to not look like I was electrocuted.
So I rely on this Boho Knot Headband Set.
Throw one on, tuck the flyaways, and boom—I’m giving quirky CEO, not chaotic gremlin.
They come in fun colors so people think I have a “signature style.” I don’t.
I just have 5 minutes.
đź•’ Time so far: 3.5 minutes.
5. Mini Ring Light = Major Fix
If you’ve ever looked at your Zoom square and screamed internally, same.
But this Cyezcor LED Ring Light with Clip makes me look like I have a skincare routine, even though I very much don’t.
It clips right onto your monitor, has 3 light tones (aka warm, cool, and “please hire me”), and plugs into your USB port.
I keep mine permanently attached. Like emotional baggage.
đź•’ Time so far: 4 minutes.
6. Quick Powder to Kill the Shine
Sometimes the panic sweat kicks in around 9:02.
So I keep this Rimmel Stay Matte Pressed Powder on my desk and swipe it over my forehead and nose before I hit “Join Now.”
It’s sheer, matte, and magically makes my skin look like I don’t eat cheese in bed.
No foundation needed.
đź•’ Time so far: 4.5 minutes.
7. One Shirt That Saves You Every Time
I call it my “Zoom Shirt.”
It’s this magical MEROKEETY Button Down Waffle Knit Top that I can throw on over anything and still look presentable.
Like, yes, I’m wearing pajama pants, but you wouldn’t know.
And that’s the power of a good shirt.
đź•’ Time so far: 4.75 minutes.
8. The Smell That Shifts Your Vibe
I know you can’t smell me through Zoom, but I can smell me.
And there’s something about a light spritz of The Body Shop White Musk Fragrance Mist that makes me feel like I’m not spiraling.
It’s soft, fresh, and makes me sit up straighter.
Zoom is 50% scent… for yourself.
đź•’ Time: 5 minutes. DONE.
Final Words Before You Hit “Unmute”
Listen, Zoom isn’t real life.
It’s a weird simulation where we all pretend our homes are always tidy and our minds are fully awake at 9:00 AM.
But with the right 5-minute fix kit, you can log in looking alive—even if your soul’s still buffering.
You got this.
Now go fake your way through that calendar invite like the legend you are.
Camera on. Lip tint strong. Let’s go.
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, I may earn from qualifying purchases, but this does not affect my recommendations.I only suggest products I’ve personally vetted.

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