Be Inspired..!!

How I Retired from the Pretend Olympics of Dating

It all begins with small changes, right? A little adjustment here, a minor alteration there. You let their favorite music play in the background of your life. You start wearing that color they once said they liked. You chuckle at jokes that don’t really make you laugh. Gradually, you shape yourself into someone you believe they want you to be. But what happens to your true self? The one who had her own favorite band, her unique style, and her own sense of humor?

As we grow up, many of us learn—whether directly or indirectly—that changing ourselves to meet the expectations of others, especially guys, is part of being in a relationship. It’s like we receive an unspoken manual on how to alter ourselves for love. But what’s the price we pay for that?

I’ve been there too. I’ve styled my hair in curls when I actually preferred it straight. I’ve acted like I loved action movies that I found boring just to please him. In doing so, I pushed my true self aside—hiding parts of my personality, my interests, and my dreams. It’s tiring. But what’s even more exhausting is realizing that by fitting into someone else’s mold, you gradually forget who you really are.

Lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m finished with all that. I’m tired of trying so hard to fit into what I think others expect from me. I’m done hiding my true self just to get approval. It’s time to embrace who I really am, without any apologies. This choice wasn’t made lightly, and it definitely didn’t happen overnight. It took years of feeling like I was a square trying to fit into a round hole. I realized that if someone genuinely cares about me, they will accept me for who I am, not for the version I create to please them.

The truth is, the right people will appreciate you for being yourself. They will find beauty in the quirks you might be embarrassed about. They will respect your opinions, even if they don’t agree with them. They will enjoy the music, movies, and hobbies that define you. Most importantly, they will encourage your dreams instead of brushing them off.

So, why is it so difficult to break this habit?

Have you ever stood in front of your closet, trying to choose the perfect outfit for a date, analyzing every detail as if it will decide how the night goes? Or maybe you’ve laughed at a joke that wasn’t funny just to fill the silence. I’ve been there, and it’s exhausting to keep changing ourselves to meet someone else’s standards. Today, I want to say: I’m done altering who I am for guys—and you should be too.

From a young age, many of us get messages, both subtle and obvious, about what it means to be attractive. We learn that being agreeable is crucial, that we should smile even when we’re not feeling it, and that we need to keep our opinions to ourselves to avoid conflict. This happens so slowly that we often don’t even notice it. We become so focused on making others happy and seeking their approval that we forget who we really are.

I remember my high school days when fitting in felt like a necessity. I tried to enjoy the popular music, wore trendy but uncomfortable clothes, and laughed at jokes that didn’t really land. For a while, it seemed like just part of growing up. But as I got older, those same habits crept into my adult relationships.

In college, I dated someone who was really into hiking. I mean, I like a nice walk in nature, but the lengths I went to pretend I loved long camping trips in remote areas without cell service were just over the top. I bought all the gear and even read survival manuals just to seem more compatible than I really was. My weekends turned into exhausting efforts to be someone I wasn’t, all in the name of “sharing interests.”

Bending ourselves to please others might seem like an easy way to find happiness, but it often leads us away from truly discovering who we are. Every time we change our personalities, interests, or looks to match someone else’s expectations, we lose a bit of the uniqueness that defines us.

Sure, relationships need some give and take. But there’s a big difference between making compromises and losing your identity. Compromise could mean watching your partner’s favorite movie even if it’s not your top pick. Losing yourself, on the other hand, is pretending to enjoy films you can’t stand just to keep someone in your life.

When we constantly change ourselves to fit into someone else’s idea of who we should be, we risk completely losing our true selves. The effort to keep up these changes can be draining. You might start to doubt your own worth, questioning if the real you will ever be enough.

It took a lot of self-reflection to break free from this pattern. I decided to take a step back and think about what really mattered to me. I rediscovered old hobbies, revisited music I loved, and started wearing clothes that made me feel good. Gradually, I found joy in being my true self again.

Choosing not to change for others didn’t fix everything immediately, and it was definitely a challenge. But being true to myself felt incredibly freeing. The more I accepted who I really am, the more I attracted people—friends and potential partners—who valued me for me. My conversations became more meaningful, my connections grew deeper, and my relationships became stronger.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you have to constantly change to make others happy, take a moment to pause and think about it. Consider if all that effort is really worth losing sight of who you are. When you look in the mirror, do you see your true self, or just a version of you that someone else has shaped?

Now is the time to turn your focus inward and prioritize self-love and acceptance. Surround yourself with friends who appreciate and support your true self instead of those who want to change you. Remember, the love you receive from others should reflect the love you have for yourself, not replace it.

This journey isn’t just personal; it’s a shift in our culture. As more people choose to be their authentic selves, we send a strong message. We’re changing how we connect with each other, focusing on real understanding and respect instead of fake appearances.

So, to anyone who has felt the need to change—you’re not alone. Embrace your true self, including all your quirks. Wear what makes you happy and express your thoughts confidently. You deserve to be loved for who you really are, not a version that’s been altered to fit someone else’s expectations.

Trust me, once you stop changing for others, you’ll start attracting the right people into your life. Here’s to being authentic, celebrating our individuality, and appreciating each other just as we are.