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Let’s Talk About Standing Up for Yourself

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Have you ever found yourself thinking about a conversation before it actually happens? Like, really going over every single word in your head, figuring out exactly what you want to say, and imagining that moment when you finally stand up for yourself? It’s kind of like practicing for a big event, almost like you’re getting ready for a conversation competition. Does that sound familiar, or is it just me?

If you’re anything like most people, when the real moment comes, you might end up saying something like, “Sure, I can do that. Definitely.” And then later, you might wonder why you didn’t just say what you really felt. Why didn’t you express your true thoughts? That feeling sticks with you – like a heavy weight in your chest, a bit of nervousness, and that nagging voice questioning everything you did.

Exploring the Challenges of Long-Term Relationships

Long-term relationships are really interesting, don’t you think? These connections with family, childhood friends, or anyone who has known us for a long time can be tricky. Setting boundaries with them can be especially hard because of all the shared history. I had a similar experience recently during a phone call with someone I’ve known forever. Before I knew it, I said yes to helping with something that didn’t fit into my plans at all. It’s funny how easy it is to say “yes” to people we’ve known for so long.

One of my blog readers mentioned feeling guilty in similar situations. Have you ever felt that way? Guilt, along with doubt and uncertainty, is super common in long-term relationships. They come with layers of expectations and roles we didn’t even realize we took on over the years. The truth is, the longest relationships should be the safest places for us to be ourselves. But often, they’re the hardest places to share what we really need.

Understanding How Conditioning Affects Us

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to stand up for ourselves? The answer lies in conditioning. Throughout our lives, every chat, experience, and shift in relationships shapes the roles we take on, often without us even realizing it. Think about it: we’ve been labeled before we even had a chance to figure out who we are. Whether we’re seen as the peacemaker, the high achiever, or the shy one, these roles can feel cozy like a favorite pair of sneakers, but they can also get uncomfortable when we try to break free from them.

When we finally choose to speak out, our brains recognize that our needs matter. But there’s a part of us that gets anxious because it links speaking up with potential risks—like feeling let down, facing awkwardness, or upsetting the balance of things. That’s when guilt creeps in. It’s a tricky feeling; sometimes guilt can help us stick to our beliefs. But in long-term relationships, this guilt often comes from unspoken rules that really aren’t fair to begin with.

Why Memory is Important in Relationships

One interesting thing about long-term relationships is how they hold onto memories. It’s not just in our heads; our bodies remember too. Every time we went along with something to keep the peace or when being honest felt too scary, it left a mark on us. So, when we try to set a boundary, it’s not just our brains working through it; it’s a whole system that has developed over many years.

If you’re feeling relaxed, think about someone you find it tough to be honest with. Pay attention to how your body reacts. Do you feel tense? Want to pull back? This isn’t just a coincidence. It’s your body remembering all those times when staying quiet felt safer than sharing your true feelings. Taking a deep breath and imagining releasing the fears connected to your honesty can be really helpful.

Accepting Change and Growth

Here’s something crucial: the part of you that learned to keep things calm and hide your needs was just trying to get by. But you’re not that person anymore. You can change and grow. You can express what you really need. And let me tell you, this journey, even if it feels a bit scary, is definitely worth it.

Things might seem simple until we confront them directly. But there are some useful tips to remember. Here are five suggestions that could help you out:

1. Be Kind to Yourself: It’s important to remember that your feelings are important. What you feel is real and matters. To help with daily positive thoughts, you might want to keep a Mindfulness Journal close by.

2. Take Baby Steps: You don’t have to jump into a big argument right away. It’s perfectly fine to start with something small, like how long you talk on the phone or when you agree to hang out. Making small changes can really help you feel more confident. Using a Daily Planner can help you keep track of these little steps that lead to bigger achievements.

3. Use ‘I’ Statements: Instead of saying, “You always make me feel bad,” try saying, “I feel stressed when…” This way, you share your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive. To improve your communication skills, a good Communication Skills Book could be really helpful.

4. Be Ready for Awkwardness: At first, it might feel strange. Changing habits that have been around for a long time can be uncomfortable, but that’s okay! Feeling weird just means you’re growing. Embrace that feeling.

5. Remember, Boundaries Don’t Mean You Care Less: You can still love someone while having your own boundaries. In fact, having boundaries can make your relationships more genuine and help you avoid losing yourself in trying to meet others’ expectations.

A Personal Breakthrough

I want to tell you about something that happened to me. Remember that phone call I talked about before, where I agreed to something I really didn’t want to do? I thought about it for a while, and then I decided to call back. I told them that I realized I couldn’t handle what I had agreed to. It was a bit awkward, for sure. But afterward, I felt so much better, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders because I spoke up.

This week, I challenge you to set one small boundary. Share one honest thought, because you deserve friendships that accept all parts of you. Let this be a reminder that you are worthy of relationships that celebrate your true self. Thanks for reading, and I hope this connects with you.

Looking into products that can help with personal growth or staying organized is always a good idea when we’re trying to find our voice and express ourselves clearly. Don’t hesitate to explore those tools that can really support you on your journey to being your authentic self.