This is most likely not your first heartbreak, and it will not be your last. However, no matter how many times your heart breaks, you never become immune to the painful sting you feel or the way your life suddenly darkens and your world feels hopeless.
Heartbreaks are never easy, regardless of the circumstances or who leaves first. We have a tendency to believe that the end of a longer relationship is always more difficult. And sometimes the most profound and painful heartbreaks occur in the longer relationships. However, even minor heartbreaks can be devastating. The loss of what could’ve been is sometimes more difficult to bear than the loss of what was.
That being said, every heartbreak tears you apart and hurts. And it doesn’t have to have a rhyme or reason for being so painful. Comparing the pain of one type of heartbreak to the pain of another does not alleviate the pain of the other. And losing someone in any capacity is never an easy experience.
Perhaps this heartbreak is more painful than the last because of its perplexing premise. Perhaps you feel as if you shouldn’t be so heartbroken, as if you shouldn’t be so devastated because everything happened so quickly. Maybe you blame yourself for falling so hard for someone. And perhaps this heartbreak is all the more painful because you know the other person is fine.
You know they’re probably handling it much better than you are. You already know they don’t cry themselves to sleep every night. Perhaps it hurts so much because the other person’s heart remained intact while yours shattered. Perhaps it hurts so much because you don’t believe they are as broken as you are, and you wonder if the ending meant anything to them. Because, to be honest, the ending meant everything to you.
Or maybe you thought you found it this time. Love is a four-letter word. You thought you had it even though neither of you had said it. You thought you had that special feeling, of being loved and in love, as if nothing else mattered. And you knew they felt it, even if they didn’t say it. You imagined that you were important enough to them to be the only person they noticed in a crowded room. Even if you never admitted it, you believed that everything was coming together, that this was the start of everything.
And, whether it was deliberate or unintentional, you now realise you were oblivious to all of the signs that suggested this wasn’t “it.” Maybe this wasn’t love, or even the start of love. Despite your best efforts, they may not have been your type.
You basked in the innocence of pretending, even believing, that everything was perfect. You let the chemistry and connection lead the way. You refused to admit that anything was wrong. You didn’t want to remember the times you cried at home because you were afraid they didn’t like you enough. You didn’t want to admit how many times you felt you said the wrong thing. You wanted to ignore the look you got when you talked too much or were too quiet, too engrossed in your thoughts. You didn’t want to admit that no matter how hard you tried, you felt inadequate in their eyes.
That they were looking for someone or something better even when they were with you. As if you weren’t the first option.
And perhaps you’ve known all along that this wasn’t right. That as much as you wanted this to be right, as much as you pretended everything was perfect, and even as much as you loved them, your heart may have known all along that something wasn’t quite right. That you shouldn’t have been so self-conscious. That you shouldn’t have felt weak or shy around them, or like you had to hide half of yourself.
They did, however, make you feel wild. And it lit up. And at the top of the world. And you had strong feelings, which is why you held on so tightly. That’s why you couldn’t abandon them. This is why you chose to put on a brave face and move forward. You kept telling yourself that it would all work out in the end. And eventually, you’d have the love story you’d always wanted. Because it was, at least for a while. It was almost perfect in your opinion. But, looking back, you realise it was far from perfect.
And eventually, when they left, your heart broke. Not because you weren’t expecting it, but because you wished with all your heart that this was the real thing. Because you believed you were unique. As if you were appreciated by someone. As if you were lovable. And even if it wasn’t correct, you can’t help but wish it was. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss them. It doesn’t stop you from missing them when they’re no longer available. And it doesn’t mean you didn’t love them any less.
Heartbreaks are devastating. They make you doubt your worth and yourself. They lead you into a deep loneliness that you don’t know how to deal with, a dark loneliness from which you don’t know how to escape. They leave you shell-shocked and broken, as if your entire body is scattered across the ground. You believe you are too broken to be repaired. And you’re heartbroken, as if nothing but them can make you feel whole again. Most importantly, they leave you feeling extremely sad and depressed.
Because your person would never abandon you. Your person would not be so easily able to end your relationship. They couldn’t walk away without looking back. And, as much as you wish they would return for you, you know deep down that they are no longer someone you should have in your life. They are no longer someone you should pursue because they are no longer pursuing you.
And the truth is, if you’re not enough for them, they’re not enough for you. If you’re too much for someone, they’re not your someone, because you should never scare your someone away by shining your light on them. You should never feel less loved for being yourself. It’s okay to be complicated. It’s okay if you think you’re a little difficult to love. No love is easy. But true love isn’t this difficult. And you are far superior to them.
It’s the most difficult lesson in the world. It’s the most difficult truth you’ll have to face. However, sometimes the best thing you can do is let them go. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to someone good in order to make room for someone better. You sometimes have to say goodbye to someone, even if it feels so right, because you know deep down that their heart isn’t fully in it. And you know deep down that they don’t love you the way you love them. And they’re unlikely to ever do so.
You deserve to be loved on both sides. A love that has no time limit. A love that is not a passing fad. A love that doesn’t hurt as much. You need someone who not only enchants you, but also improves you. Someone who helps you become more of who you are.
The truth is that you are deserving of the kind of love that can shift the tides of the ocean. You deserve someone who will brag about you to everyone they come into contact with. You deserve someone who would yell “I love you” from the highest peaks just to make you happy.
You deserve someone who believes in you completely, with every fibre of their being. Someone who calls you simply to hear your voice. Someone who admires you for your shy, quiet moments as well as your thoughts when you can’t stop talking.
You deserve someone who cheers you up when things are bad and who rubs your back when you cry. You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation every day of the year. You deserve someone who goes out of their way to make you happy, who touches your heart every day. You deserve someone who, no matter how hard they try, can’t resist you, someone who can’t stay away from you. You are deserving of someone who smiles at you when you laugh because they can’t help themselves. In a crowded room, you deserve someone who only looks at you.
You deserve to be in love with someone. Someone who adores you without reservation.
You are deserving of the entire world and nothing less.
Hi, I’m Garima and I write about life experiences. I have several books available on Amazon. Check them out today! Any purchases or KDP reads will be greatly appreciated. If you like my books, do leave a review. Here’s my author page on Amazon – https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0BQDZXYNV
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Reblogged this on Ed;s Site..
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Perhaps a consequence of “looking back”?
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You’re so right, heart break really is the biggest teacher
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