Long story short, the people we meet and cross paths with, the people we fall in love with, the people who hurt us, and the people who come into our lives to impart wisdom and happiness are all up to chance. It seems that lessons in life are always centred around the wrong people, situations, circumstances, timing, and place. With just one different action, we could completely change our course and never be able to know what might have been.

Over and over, I have tried to control events to get the results I wanted, going against what was meant to be and trying to force friendships, relationships, and possibilities that would never work. I lost sight of the wider picture and became fixated on getting what I wanted rather than pausing to consider what was no longer in my best interests. But it’s crucial to understand that my shortcomings do not define who I am.

I’m learning to care for myself as I would care for someone else while I’m on this road; I’m learning to self-soothe and to be at ease with who I am despite all of my inborn defects, concerns, and fears. My daily efforts are directed at improving myself as a person and as a member of my community since as mortal beings, our lives are devoted to discovering more about ourselves.

It’s less about waiting and hunting for the people who, in my mind, are the ideal people, and then having unrealistic expectations. It now focuses more on developing self-narratives that support what I already know to be healthy and right for me. It involves building relationships with people who will value my uniqueness, comprehend my troubled past, and respect my limits. Accepting what I deserve and nothing less is the goal.

I knew that I could fall in love with life – and eventually with someone who loves all of me with open arms and had a loving heart and a lovely soul after I fell in love with who I had become rather than the worried person who constantly self-sabotaged herself. It helps me see potential in the world and in myself rather than just my limitations.