How to Shut Down a Narcissist

Although narcissists don’t, or won’t, show it, all perceived criticism feels gravely threatening to them—the reason that their inflamed, over-the-top reactions to it can leave us so surprised and confused. Deep down, clinging desperately not simply to a positive but grandiose sense of self, they’re compelled at all costs to block out any negative feedback about themselves. Their dilemma is that the rigidity of their defenses, their inability ever to let their guard down, guarantees that they’ll never get what they most need, which they themselves are sadly oblivious of.

Here is how you shut down a narcissist :

  • Step1 : Break all forms of communication. Create modified or no contact, so that you have the space to progress.
  • Step 2 : Heal beyond the emotional connection. Release the trauma from your being, and heal the parts of you that require healing to wholeness.
  • Step 3 : Build your inner identity. Create a thriver identity. This new identity of a True Self is a place where narcissists don’t play. You yin, they yang; they exist in a completely different vibrational Universe.
  • Step 4 : Connect to the true source. This is our true connection, or true sustenance which releases us into knowing at the deepest level of our being that we are adored and nourished beyond measure simply because we exist.
  • Step 5 : Generate your own life. Expand as life force itself.

Reference : https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/disarming-the-narcissist-the-5-essential-steps-to-reclaiming-your-freedom/

51 Comments Add yours

    1. GS says:

      Thank you Manohar. My best defence is to not argue with a narcissist. There’s no point trying to figure out who is “to blame” for something, as narcissists will never admit fault. They want to blame you for any negative emotions they are feeling, because they utterly rely on the image they are portraying as been faultless.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Great thank you😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Manohar says:

        This is gold Garima. Eases 90% of the unnecessary stress.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. GS says:

        Yes it does Manohar.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Frank LaManna says:

    Good article, and the site looks good. I made some changes to nooz buffet too. 👍💞

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for stopping by Frank. Long time.

      Like

      1. Frank LaManna says:

        Oh you’re welcome. You’re content is good 😉 and narcissist anything is worth watching or reading. Keep in touch I enjoy talking with you. 💞

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Thank you.

        Like

  2. joliesattic says:

    Do you think sometimes these folks have a low self esteem that causes them to behave that way? I see a lot of that in my brother in law and because he’s married to my sister, I tolerate him to special occasions. In fact pretty much all of us have just had to shrug our shoulders and put up with it and just make sure I have enough guests to diffuse some of that. lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      I do believe that Jolie. At one level, narcissism shares a lot with self-esteem. Both narcissists and people with high self-esteem feel good about themselves and their accomplishments. This commonality makes it natural to think that narcissism is just a natural outcome of having high self-esteem.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. joliesattic says:

        He must have know I had mentioned him, because they dropped by this afternoon. That’ll teach me and I didn’t have other guests to diffuse it. lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Hahaha

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Narcissist!! It’s such a big word to post about. 🤦‍♀️
    I feel it’s better to stop the communication with them as you wrote in the first point itself. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Yup I agree with you.

      Like

  4. saraannon says:

    Breaking all forms of communication is essential, but people should be aware that act can result in all kinds of blowback for LONG periods of time. My narcissistic mother died 13 years ago and I am still defending my decision to cut communication with her to friends and family.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      What you need to do is forgive yourself. Let go. Release all guilt. Sometime we have to forgive ourselves for things even though they were right things to do at the time.

      Like

      1. saraannon says:

        Its forgiving all those who insist on telling me what wonderful person my mother was that is the ongoing challenge.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Forgive HER

        Like

      3. saraannon says:

        Forgave my mother a LONG time ago and then I quit expecting her to change. Just wanting you to acknowledge that happy endings are unlikely. Your readers should be able to hear and say that there is long-term blow-back from taking action to protect oneself without being chided for not being good enough ‘forgiving’ enough or any other enough.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. GS says:

        Yes looking all the brighter side of things always help. Also changing the thinking pattern is always difficult in the beginning and but we need to be consistent and eventually they replace the negativity completely.

        Like

  5. Such helpful advice for those living with a narcissist!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Ah I am glad you found it helpful.

      Like

  6. Brand says:

    Does a narcissist know when they are one? I always get concerned when people bring up this topic. It cycles around the internet regularly. I’m so much in my mind, I’m afraid of being one. We all are in our minds. How could we all not have a level of this? Could one be called a narcissist that isn’t? I’ve always gotten mad at people with inflated egos, does that mean that I have one? Most people don’t like or comment on my blog anymore. Does this mean I am a narcissist? I’ve been depressed for a number of years. Do narcissists get depression?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Environment. Environmental and social factors also exert significant influence upon the onset of narcissistic personality disorder in a person. In some people, pathological narcissism may develop from an impaired emotional attachment to the primary caregivers, usually the parents. Build resilience is all I can suggest.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Brand says:

        I don’t have this, as far as I know. I feel obligated to take care of my parents. My dad actually wanted to move in with me… I thought it would be a not so good idea. As far as I know, I don’t have impaired emotional attachments to anyone. How would I know? I do get the general feeling that people around here don’t like me. The past four years have been painful. I’ve been surviving failure most of my life. It has built up so much, I just don’t know what else to try, or what to do. I’m jobless and penniless. My daughters live so far away. My friends are all busy with careers. Sometimes I feel so lonely. I’ve been so chatty online these years because I’ve been in need for any kind of community. But it seems people really don’t like me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Quick Question, Do you like yourself? Sorry if this was blunt, but quite often we seek approval of people because we are lacking something within. How comfortable are you being with yourself? Do you fear it? Something to ponder on maybe??

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Brand says:

        In the past I’ve always had a good relationship with myself. But I think that with all that goes wrong, if I could just have one win, ONE, I would be pleased as can be. I’m working hard, and I know that I have talents. But this country, and maybe the world has no interest in the skills of older people. I could always bounce back because I knew I had time. I hate this society, and am admittedly bitter toward many, many aspects of human society. I know. This has been the argument for a lot of people since the beginning. But I push ahead anyway. If I made money, I’d go back to volunteering. I loved working as a volunteer with people for most of my adult life. I hate to say it, but with all the goodwill I had given freely to the world, it trades off with walls designed for efficient work places and exploiting young workers and the environment. You’re right, though. As little as I want to move back into a meaningless life, I need to figure out how to bring meaning into it. This is probably what I’ve been missing. My ex and older daughter flew to my younger daughter’s graduation this weekend. They are all family. I feel I’m being left behind in absolutely everything. I’ll see if I can reacquaint myself with myself. As much as I’ve been scrambling to get work, I’ve got to figure out some time to help myself. I haven’t left the apartment in days, other than a couple of grocery store trips. My writing has locked up. I wanted to get through the first draft of my next book before going back to work. But I can’t even write. I think I’m tired of myself, in a way. But I keep trying things, trying to push through it so that I might at last succeed.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. GS says:

        Start spending time with nature. Do meditation. Stop expecting anything. Be comfortable with isolation.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Brand says:

        Thanks. I’ll do my best.

        Liked by 2 people

      6. GS says:

        Good Luck. We are here to help 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Brand says:

        In part, I have been suffering from eating less. Yesterday I ate raisins and used up the last of my peanut butter on a sandwich. By evening, I think my mind was in trouble. I couldn’t leave the apartment so I ordered food, using precious money I need to get through the month. In the past I’ve always, always been able to get through lean times. I would be level and take steps, as I always had, and push through. I have lost confidence because this is so different. I’m also sensitive to social opinions. After a good meal and night sleep, I look back at my years of blogging and see myself as desperate for connections. I feel like we are in an era where connection is distant, especially with the pandemic. When I remember being jolly online, I kept feeling that I was misinterpreted as haughty or egotistical. There is a difference between online interaction and personal. You can have online access to someone for years and still not know them. Because of this, I’ve been wary of popular posts in narcissism. I did a quick study sometime last year. According to some sources, there are fewer than 200,000 cases of narcissistic personality disorder in the US per year. That’s less than a thousandth of a percent. I don’t know, maybe they get around and have contact with a lot of people. And maybe there’s a more common variant that I’m unaware of. But I can tell you one thing about myself, I’m not the same person if I’m starving or lonely. Thursday and Friday evenings last week my dinner consisted of a baked potato and a slice of cheese. Saturday I had a toasted cheese sandwich that was a little burnt. It was delicious. It only becomes less pleasant when I miss meals.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. GS says:

        Hmm did you go out today? In nature?

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Brand says:

        I’m actually meeting a friend to walk in about three hours. Thanks 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      10. GS says:

        Cool.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Brand says:

        I was feeling so good about my walk that I was going to do some writing in my present novel. I have the file on google docs and looked to see that it had been accessed last night while I slept. The only thing I really enjoy is writing. If someone steals my work, I don’t know what I’d do.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. GS says:

        I am so glad to hear that you felt better with the walk. Do that again today.
        Privacy concerns are serious. Change your password. You can also check in history who accessed that file.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Brand says:

        Thanks. It shows that no one accessed it, but the file registered it.

        Liked by 1 person

      14. GS says:

        Oh thank you. Alright then let’s continue with our walks and cut down on caffeine is possible.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Vibe Nami says:

    Step 1: shot down communications what happens if it’s a family member??

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it’s important to build resilience and not respond to any comment coming from a narcissist. We can’t change them, but we can work on ourselves. We can stop letting the words affect us. Start small, keep at it. Also at the same time be grateful for them mentally, family is important.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Shivaranjani says:

    Nice article! Can you also point out the hidden characteristics of a narcissist?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      One of the most common characteristics of an introverted narcissist is a sense of “withdrawn self-centeredness”. While many introverts are more quiet but good listeners, introvert narcissists tend to be reticent and poor listeners. Often, they will make a quick assessment of a person or situation, find it uninteresting, flawed, or unworthy of their attention, and mentally tune out (block you out). While most mature adults are capable of recognizing nuances of issues, and giving people the benefit of the doubt, introvert narcissists tend to focus on only what they selfishly want and find agreeable. All else might be labeled as “boring” or “stupid”.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shivaranjani says:

        Got it! Thank you. I am still figuring out if one of my friend is a narcissist!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Good luck!!

        Like

  9. clcouch123 says:

    After describing the traits, I appreciate your sharing the means for dealing. I agree though some experience that breaking it off with the narcissist is healthy. Then some healing has a better chance for happening. If the narcissist can’t be avoided, then at least breaking in the head and heart should happen. And finding one’s worth away from that person.

    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Ah yes, breaking contact is important. What really happens is You hold on to yourself and no longer give yourself away to others. Your Intuition – You actually pay attention to your intuition and value what it says to you. Red flags are no longer ignored or excused. If someone tries to challenge your reality, you are not swayed

      Like

  10. B. Ray says:

    Step 6: remind yourself that they are a broken child, as we all are, and they can’t handle it. Their trauma consumes them. Bullied people turn into bullies. So as you heal, remember that and that will let your compassion grow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Hmm yes, a narcissist can be one because of many reasons. But our focus should be us. We need to protect our energies, our thoughts. Sometime reasoning out for someone else brings a lot of negativity within us.

      Like

      1. B. Ray says:

        Interesting, I’ve found when I can remember they are traumatized children in need of therapy that doesn’t bring in negative thoughts but compassionate thoughts. Because then I see myself in them. But that doesn’t mean I raise my boundaries with them. I still understand I cannot fix them or change them. That is their work. But it helps me not hold grudges with them.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        👍🏼👍🏼

        Like

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