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Stop Being a People Pleaser

What many people-pleasers don’t realize is that people-pleasing can have serious risks. Not only does it put a lot of pressure and stress on you, but essentially you can make yourself sick from doing too much. If you’re overcommitted, you probably get less sleep and get more anxious and upset. You’re also depleting your energy resources. In the worst case scenario, you’ll wake up and find yourself depressed, because you’re on such overload because you possibly can’t do it all.

Here are few steps on how to be a people pleaser:

  1. Be Honest – When you can be honest about how you really feel, you let people know the real you. 
  2. Acknowledge Your Needs – Acknowledging what you need means that your focus is where it needs to be – on you!
  3. Say No Nicely – It takes guts to say no and when you finally do, it’s more empowering than anything else.
  4. Practice Self-Care – Attend to physical, emotional and spiritual needs to stay balanced and avoid overwhelm.
  5. Let Go of The Guilt – Give yourself permission to let go of the guilt. You deserve to have what you want!
  6. Trust That it Will Be Okay – No matter what reaction you get, those who really love you can honor your needs too. 

If you’ve always felt a compulsion to meet everyone else’s needs before your own, it’s hard to imagine being different. People-pleasing is not only what you do, but a strong part of who you believe you are. Change Now. Change Today!

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27 replies »

  1. I dont think there are enough steps to be a people pleaser. Pleasing people is a herculean task, most people resist being pleased no matter what you do, you would be exacting too if someone tries to please you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I also think that people who are people pleasers would be wise to explore the psychology of Martyrdom. It can really for the people pleaser to challenge his or her own reasoning and motivation or if nothing else the negative impact people pleasing can have on the receiver.

    When I look back on my 15 year marriage I see how both of us took turns being martyrs but calling it service and giving. It was very dysfunctional and SO now I try to catch myself… even with my kids.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am known to be a people pleaser, but I also set boundaries, specifically around which people I aim to please. I truly believe it can be healthy to “please” the people who truly appreciate it and who often reciprocate in their own way of people pleasing. This, I believe, builds strong relationships and encourages a sense of community among friends. However, if you are people pleasing in an attempt to win over someone’s approval, or you feel like you are constantly needing to “one up” the last people pleasing thing you did because you were expecting a certain response that you didn’t get – well that’s where it becomes pathological. It’s a fine line and often hard to recognize the difference

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    • I completely agree with you. Setting boundaries is very important. Often saying “no” comes with feeling the need to offer a long explanation for disappointing the asker. Jonathan Alpert, Manhattan psychotherapist, performance coach, and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, suggests providing only a short explanation or none at all, adding that a polite “no” can help people pleasers to be assertive with their decision.

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  4. My fiance is trying to help me to stop people pleasing. I am trying not to people please about my wedding. I hate disappointing people and that’s exactly how I feel when I can’t please everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Too much of people-pleasing and you lose your own path. People-pleasing without boundaries and you become a doormat without personality. People-pleasing with a hidden agenda and you are insincere. There’s nothing wrong with people pleasing. It’s good that you want to help others and satisfy their needs. But you need to know when to stop. You have to be aware of your intention. It’s coming from a place of abundance or a place of lack.

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    • Hi Gary, I agree with you. When your emotions become highly charged in this state, you can become overly sensitive to the idea of letting others down, and experience anxiety over the potential of failure or disappointing others. As a result, you avoid having uncomfortable, yet necessary confrontations, and instead, aim to keep the peace at all cost. If you are a people-pleaser you may find it particularly difficult, and even painful, to say “no” to those who matter to you. And this can place undue pressure on others to manage the equitable balance in the relationship that they have with you.

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