This post is dedicated to an Anonymous Maadu !!
You are feeling burnout? Stressed and tired? Is bitterness and resentment creeping into your relationships but you don’t know why? Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Do you feel controlled and powerless in your relationships? Do people tell you that you are overbearing and controlling? If you have answered “yes” to the majority of these questions, this is a good indicator that you need to implement boundaries in your life.
Here are few ways in which you can start setting some healthy boundaries:
- Assess Resentment – Recognize feelings of hurt, anger or resentment as early warning signs that you need to start setting boundaries. When you can be honest about these disagreeable feelings, you can use them to help signal when it’s time to say yes or no.
- Clue into Personality Preferences – Developing healthy boundaries goes hand-in-hand with becoming drawn to boundary-lovers. People who are immature at limit-setting often find themselves involved with “boundary-busters” in the form of family, colleagues, or friends. Instead, make deeper connections with people who can hear your “no” without being critical, getting hurt, or personalizing it.
- Seek Other Boundary Setters – Why is it so important to join the boundaried family? Mainly because as with any spiritual discipline, boundaries can’t be worked on in a vacuum. Whether you’re growing boundaries in your current relationships or finding new ones, you need others with the same values of limit setting and responsibility to encourage you, practice with you, and stay with you. Some of their patients have found this in a support group, or with trusted friends.
- Define What’s Most Important – Write a list of your “treasures”- whether you time, money, feelings, or beliefs. Ask yourself how you want others to treat these treasures. how do you want others to not treat them?
- Practice saying “No” – Ask a good friend, someone you trust and who loves you, if you can practice “No” with them. This could be about something small that rubbed you the wring way recently. True intimacy is built around the freedom to disagree.
- Revel in some Guilt – If the conscience were silent and providing no “how could you?” guilt-inducing messages, it might mean that you were remaining enslaved to the internal parent. Feeling some guilt about saying “No” actually means you’re moving forward.
With setting boundaries, there is always a risk of losing relationships. Because we were built for relationship, relying on God’s strength and everlasting love and the support from healthy relationships can help us make positive choices to set boundaries and say “no” to abuse. If you see any symptoms of boundary problems in your life, talking with a counselor can help you locate where your boundaries need to be repaired and give you the strength to regain ownership of your property or relinquish ownership that is not yours to control.
Categories: Personal Development