True Assertiveness

Conventional wisdom says that assertive people get ahead. They tell people what they think, request the resources they need, ask for raises, and don’t take no for an answer. So what are non-assertive people supposed to do if their company’s culture rewards these actions? If you’re shy or reserved, don’t fret. You can ask for what you need and get what you want, while still being yourself.

Here are certain rules of assertiveness that you can use to conquer anything you want without appearing aggressive or desperate :

  • Eyes – Your eyes are the most expressive part of your face. You should use them as much as possible. They have the ability to convey emotions such as interest, concern, warmth and credibility. Imagine talking to someone wearing sunglasses. It’s much harder to read their feelings, when you can’t see their eyes.
  • Hands – Let your hands do what comes naturally. The trick is to try to relax. The natural action is for your hands to move as you talk. This is why really confident and assertive people often look relaxed – their hands move naturally and in a coordinated way with their voice.
  • Smile – By smiling you also exude warmth and positivity. Be conscious of this when you meet people for the first time. It’s worth making an effort to smile. You’ll find that people will “warm” to you more quickly. They’re more likely to want to talk to you and listen to what you have to say.
  • Expression – Using your face to its maximum advantage is an essential part of being assertive. It helps to make you look and feel more confident. Use your face to give non-verbal cues. Using your facial expressions effectively also helps you to clarify your message and communicate your emotion.
  • Voice – Try to make a conscious effort to modulate your tone. varying your tone keeps your voice engaging. It should help you to sound more enthusiastic too. Enthusiasm is contagious. If you sound enthusiastic, there’s much more chance other people will listen. They will feel enthusiastic about you.
  • Silence – It sounds odd to say but using silences in your speech can actually help you to come across more assertively; if people are expecting you to sat seem comfortable with the silence, you’ll look more confident and in control.
  • Practice – Being assertive means practicing whenever you get the chance. Don’t just wait for opportunities to come along. Actively seek out chances to try out the assertiveness skills I’ve introduced you to. You can’t become more assertive by sitting back and hoping for the best.

Be careful that in your quest, you don’t become a bully or a nuisance. The costs of being overly assertive are not immediately apparent to us. Be sure your efforts to push more are well intended.


13 Comments Add yours

  1. Neja K. says:

    Thank you so much

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are most welcome. I am glad you liked the post. Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills.


      1. Neja K. says:

        Sure! It reminds me alot of times in my life in that because of my uncontrolled behavior I have lost so many opportunities. You make it brief and friurful….thanks again…I will wait for you for more honey drops.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you. I am also about to start courses on various aspects of personal development and mental health which can help all of us I. Daily life. It will be a series of podcasts/ videos/ workbooks and other information. Do you think our WordPress community will be interested in short courses like this?


      3. Neja K. says:

        thank you so much…I think the foundation of individuals,societies and any history is what you said above.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this post. It really and really helps me a lot. I am a student and when teachers ask any question i get nervous. So thank you for this post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad it could help you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. James L says:

    I went on an assertiveness course last year it changed my perspective on the topic because it highlighted those dominant types who are too assertive and end up leaving everyone intimidated not wanting to have anything to do with them.

    Regarding pauses when I learnt how to use these effectively I started to gain an advantage.

    Previous when there was a pause for silence when a task needed doing. I would always blurt out that I would take the task on to avoid awkward silences. This resulted in colleagues avoiding doing their fair share.

    When I realised this was happening I simply held my nerve until either someone else broke or the task got given to someone.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing this.


  4. TunmiSway says:

    Very true! I used this method at an interview and it worked! I got the job instantly! Thanks for this!


  5. gpavants says:

    Hi Garima,

    Good social skills come back to how we present ourselves among others.

    Thank you,


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes Gary, Developing social skill prepares us for a lifetime of healthier interactions in all aspects of life. Social skills are an integral part of functioning in society. Displaying good manners, communicating effectively with others, being considerate of the feelings of others and expressing personal needs are all important components of solid social skills. Helping people to develop these important skills requires a different set of strategies in each stage of development.

      Liked by 1 person

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