Expectations from Self
The expectations we have from ourselves are at the root of our grief. We expect ourselves to be disciplined, calm, together, always caring and so on. But when we procrastinate. get angry, indulge immorally or act selfishly, somewhere we feel guilty. Even if no one was hurt or harmed in the process, we still feel bad. Primarily because we have certain expectations from ourselves and we failed to fulfil them. The troubling thing is that not all these expectations are right. Most of them have been handed down to us by our society, teachers, parents, peers, religion and so on.
Based on your education, samskara, upbringing, your social circle and your professional life, all of which play an important role in your conditioning, you expect yourself to be a certain way before others. You have set for yourself certain benchmarks and standards derived out of information passed onto you in many forms, normally based on the religion you practice and the company you keep in addition to other social and personal factors.
When these expectations, the ones you have from yourself, are not met, they give broth to shame and guilt. You feel low and tormented. In a state of as much denial as disbelief, you feel miserable and lost. You eternally stay buried under these expectations, majority of which is a big load of rubbish. With mindfulness you can filter them, keeping the ones that strengthen your consciousness and make you a more compassionate person.
Reference : A Million Thoughts. Om Swami