Understanding the Importance of Self-Compassion: Investigating the Sources of Our Desires

What does not giving up on yourself mean to you?

Understanding Where Our Desires Come From

“We shall be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them if we are willing to stand completely in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves.” Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön. What does the phrase “don’t give up on yourself” signify to you? To me, it means facing our shortcomings and darkness head-on rather than hiding them because they don’t feel nice.

It necessitates accepting who we are, not who we would like to be. When things are going well, it’s simple to be happy, but what if our wants are being supplied but we still feel unhappy? Do you wish to consistently depend on a certain way of being for your happiness? This is not a healthy way to live since we expect certain things from life before we can be happy. Even in the midst of gloom and hopelessness, pleasure is attainable. Accepting our circumstances and letting go of the belief that life would be better once our demands are met are both necessary for happiness. Have you ever observed that the ego always wants more when you obtain what you want? It’s not your fault because the ego’s function is to constantly demand more. It is never fulfilled because it depends on yearning and drive to survive. In her book Start Where You Are: How to Accept Yourself and Others, Tibetan Buddhist Pema Chödrön refers to it. “Ego is not a sin. You cannot remove yourself of your ego. By not acting out or repressing all of your feelings, you can get to know your ego and become friends with it.

Because we are like children and constantly want more to ensure our enjoyment, this cycle results in suffering. When we eventually obtain what we want, we are briefly joyful before craving for the next thing. When we don’t, we cry and have tantrums. Regarding your own life, consider this. Have there ever been times when you wanted for something and then, upon receiving it, yearned for the following thing? If it’s in our nature to yearn for things we don’t have, surely a deeper understanding of ourselves may help us end this cycle? Understanding our egoic needs and desires is key. For instance, Zen Buddhism discourages pursuing pleasure (desires) because they cannot be satisfied. Hence, the way out of suffering is to see our negative feelings through the eyes of compassion. Since self-compassion is still a strange concept for us to practise in the West, it is a challenging subject for many to consider.

Pay Attention To The Feelings That Demand Our Focus.

Being human is about being yourself, as life makes you, with your unique strengths and weaknesses, opportunities and obstacles, traits and peculiarities. Kirsten Neff. For instance, self-compassion is being personal with our feelings and creating a space for healing and love rather than numbing them with substances, things, detrimental pursuits, or toxic people. It necessitates accepting our darkness and powerful emotions. These are the wounds from our early years that are urging us to sit with them rather than avoid them. I compare it to listening to music while continuously halting it to take care of other things. Instead of enjoying the music, we are cutting it off to focus on something else. When we divert our attention away from the emotions that demand our attention and onto something other than our childhood traumas, this is what happens. Would you be willing to investigate this? Will you frequently carve out time to have a deep conversation with yourself? Your response will reveal whether you are dedicated to your healing and transformation or whether you put the process off due to the related suffering.

I’ve found that during the years of teaching people, they often give up on themselves too quickly. Unfortunately, many give up on other aspects of their lives as well rather than dealing with the hurt. They realise they have been avoiding suffering their entire lives when I advise them to heal their wounds. When this happens, individuals are ready to deal with their prior pain. We may transmute our anguish and include it into the fullness of our fundamental essence, even though it is not a pleasant experience. We understand that these events do not make us who we are, but underneath the hurt of regret or disappointment, there lies the richest joy and the most limitless love.

We can only be intimate with an expansive love that resides within us once we stop escaping from it. Our inner essence is concealed by the disjointed beliefs, but this love never left us. Hence, to truly put ourselves in our own shoes and not give up on ourselves is a path of self-discovery. Peeling back the layers as we grow more enquisitive about who we really are reveals a beautiful flower blossoming right before our very eyes. Everyone who comes into contact with us will be able to experience the radiance of this love blossoming because we love ourselves unconditionally, which reverberates far and wide. This is not a story about falling in love with oneself, but about removing the barriers that keep us from understanding who we are.

Understanding this, I kindly urge you to write in your notebook about what you believe is now preventing you from moving forward in your life. What is preventing you from experiencing ultimate happiness? Are you prepared to accept your dark side? We will realise that beneath our sorrow is a precious, innocent child begging to be held in the arms of love once we stop giving up on ourselves.

Hi, I’m Garima and I write about life experiences. I have several books available on Amazon. Check them out today! Any purchases or KDP reads will be greatly appreciated. If you like my books, do leave a review. Here’s my author page on Amazon – https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0BQDZXYNV


8 Comments Add yours

  1. !ns¡ght says:

    inspiring, thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GS says:

      Thank you for reading my post.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Very interesting and very informative and thoughtful.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. GS says:

        Thank you

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re welcome

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It was very insightful and inspiring. Amazing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome

        Liked by 1 person

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