Unity is only understood when it’s not there anymore.!
The human experience of romantic love is nuanced. Love continues to be a concern and a mystery to the majority of us despite all the pleasure it may provide. No matter how much we love someone, we all have the potential to suffer harm. Can we solve the love puzzle? Is it possible to love someone without hurting them or to receive love without being hurt? No doubt about it, “yes.” The Buddha transmitted the Dhamma about 2,500 years ago. People who desired to be pain-free flocked to the Buddha to hear his astute observations on life and the mind. Although 2,500 years may seem like a long time, what the Buddha stated is still valid today.
Why does this matter in terms of romantic love? Although it doesn’t address love relationships explicitly, the dhamma does provide some context for them. Buddhism teaches us how to love better and more purely. A few ideas from the Buddhist philosophy can help to lessen the misery that love relationships cause. Buddhism has, in my personal experience, made it easier for me to see how love, as it is portrayed in literature, differs from how we often see it. We who have experienced the “consequences of love” can attest to this. They are aware that falling in love is a struggle and a process that demands mindfulness.
Don’t look for happiness elsewhere. Buddhism holds that seeking happiness from things outside of ourselves is pointless. Life is a passing thing in every way. We thereby set ourselves up for disappointment and discontent if we depend our pleasure on external circumstances. Therefore, it is not a good idea to look for fulfilment and happiness in our relationship. The Buddha said that our need to identify with anything outside of ourselves arises from the emptiness we experience within. We frequently confuse attachment, which results from our need for fulfilment, for “true love.” Our spouse should not be a deal-breaker but rather an additional source of delight. In order for this to occur, we must nurture inner joy and concentrate on our personal goals.
True love is irreplaceable. Though it’s not true, we frequently link love with physical proximity. Buddhism holds that because we never truly possessed something or someone, we are unable to own it. Something that will eventually go is not something we can cling to. In truth, the only things we cling to are the notions we have about other people and circumstances. If we truly believe this, our love for the other will endure no matter if we lose our companion to death or a breakup.
Love is nourished by knowledge. Buddhism says that in order to truly love someone, we must comprehend their suffering and circumstances. Karuna, or compassion, is the virtue that we must practise if we want to grow in knowledge. Find out more about your partner’s ideas, emotions, and history. We may use the knowledge we have of a person’s inner makeup to help them feel better. Maitri practise will also enhance relationships and bring partners closer together.
Relationships are harmed by assumptions. We probably have no expectations when we first meet someone. If they don’t live up to our expectations, we start to form a picture of them after the blissful moment has passed. As a result, we could become reliant and in need. When we don’t get the results we want, we get discouraged. Building up expectations, in the view of a Buddhist, is a game we can never win. Instead of worrying excessively about the future or making unreasonable demands, the approach is to remain present-oriented and accept whatever comes your way.
Love one another. We often lose sight of the outside world when we fall in love. Even if we are aware that there is suffering all around us, we have a tendency to just focus on the subject of our affection. Such love is rooted in attachment and neediness, according to Buddhism. The Buddhists insist that everyone deserves an equal share of our affection. Without a doubt, what we share with our spouse could be more intense or important to us. But we should go past the concept of division and understand that we all want for love.
Freedom. Last but not least, even if we are a pair, we each need to work on our own personal development. By developing independently, we can mindfully develop as a couple. It’s healthy to take some time off. We provide our spouse the space they require while also allowing ourselves the space we require. Create space in your relationship, accept yourself, and freely love your mate. The highest expressions of love are the freedom to be oneself, to express one’s thoughts and feelings, and to live.
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