On some level, you believe you deserve to be where you are in life, even if you don’t. If you’re being paid “less than you’re worth,” it’s because you’re not being paid enough. If you agree to a certain wage, you are essentially accepting that wage as your worth. You would not work for $3 an hour because it is beneath you, but you do not believe the wage you are currently receiving is beneath you; otherwise, you would have said no. If you keep people in your life who don’t treat you well, it’s because you have low self-esteem. After all, if you valued yourself highly, you would not allow others to treat you in this manner.

In terms of the word allow…
It is critical to understand that life does not happen to you. You’ve decided to live your life in a certain way. And your choices are a reflection of how you see yourself. Yes, your environment and upbringing can and do influence how you see yourself, but this does not invalidate the first point. Your circumstances reflect your identity.
To change your circumstances, you must first change your perception of yourself. But there’s this chicken and egg problem. You need to adopt new behaviours based on this new version of yourself, but you have no evidence that you can change based on your history, so how do you do it?

Before I answer, let me tell you the brutally honest truth. It’s difficult. You will go to great lengths to maintain the status quo. That’s just how you’re wired. If you want to change, you must go through an unusual process. It will not be pleasant at first. You will be terrified. It will be brutal, even humiliating in parts, but it is the only one.

Step 1 — Let Go of This Belief That Is Holding You Back
Stop convincing yourself that you want to change. No, you don’t. You want to stay the same deep down because, even if you don’t like your life, you’re used to it. You can put up with it. And the reason you haven’t changed is that the alternative clearly appears to be worse to you.

You’d rather be unfit than fit. You’d rather work a job you despise than be unemployed. You’d rather be broke than rich. Why would you want to remain the same if you don’t enjoy your life? To put it simply, the stakes are low. In a strange way, it’s easier to die a thousand cuts than to have your face ripped off when you put yourself out there all at once.
Living your daily life fearful of rejection is preferable to facing the handful of massively embarrassing moments that will occur if you put yourself out there.

You may not have money if you’re broke, but you also don’t have much to lose. If you get rich, can’t keep it up, can’t handle the responsibility, and screw it all up, it will feel much worse than if you never got rich at all. When you consider how most of us live, it appears insane. We would rather run out the clock on our lives and live far below our potential, even though we know we should do better every day, and then we die.

Self-help mantras about how short life is don’t click or resonate with you enough to cause you to act as if it is. No, you’ll instead put off success until tomorrow every day, acting as if you’ll live forever, until one day you don’t. I’m not going to give you a pep talk about how everything will be fine or how everything will work out in the end. Both statements are incorrect. The sooner you realise this and begin to be honest with yourself, the better. The first step towards change is fully accepting how much you don’t want to change. If you accept that, you may have a chance to change.

Step 2: Act Like the Person You Want to Be.
This is another case of the chicken and the egg. This is the part where they tell you to fake it until you make it. However, you are not required to fake anything. You’re simply altering your behaviour. It feels phoney because you’re not used to acting that way, but all you’re doing is experimenting with a new approach. The only way to feel less inauthentic is to behave differently, even if it feels strange. The only way to get over your fear of the thing is to do it. You try to imagine a scenario in which you can get what you want without suffering.

It’s not going to happen. That is the most terrifying aspect of it all. You’re afraid of appearing large and bold, with your chest puffed up, only to fail and be rejected. When you half-assed it, you can tell yourself that you didn’t get what you wanted because you didn’t try hard enough. But, if you really try and still fail, where do you go from there? I’ll save the good news until last. In the meantime, here’s how you’ll go about changing your life: Determine the type of person you want to be. In every situation in your life, ask yourself what that type of person would do, and then do it.

This will take time. Fortunately, with enough practise, you can improve at anything. The only way to improve is to keep attacking. You must go straight to the source of your insecurities, where that deep pain resides, and run until it stops hurting. Few people ever complete the process, but if you do, you’re free.

What It’s Like to Be a New You
It’s impossible for me to act like my former loser self at this point in my life. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t sit at home and watch Netflix for 7 hours a day. Unless I’m sick, I can’t stand watching more than an hour of television. I couldn’t force myself to drink and smoke weed seven days a week like I used to. Those behaviours simply no longer reflect who I am. I keep working hard on my business because the thought of returning to what I used to make a few years ago makes me physically ill. You raise your standards, meet them, and then it’s difficult to return to your previous life. Activities that were once difficult will now be second nature and simple. Your baseline motivation level will be higher. Your entire self-perception will be altered.

The goal at that point is to either maintain or level up. This process can be repeated as many times as you like. I recommend that you avoid complacency. Continue to elevate and move forward quickly so that you don’t give yourself time to slow down, sabotage, or anything else. Just keep your eyes forward and work on the mission until your time on this planet to complete it expires. The goal of the game is to play it.

Hi, I’m Garima and I write about life experiences. I have several books available on Amazon. Check them out today! Any purchases or KDP reads will be greatly appreciated. If you like my books, do leave a review. Here’s my author page on Amazon – https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0BQDZXYNV