Self Compassion


Dealing With Disappointment: How to Treat Yourself Kindly

Self-Compassion As A Tool For Dealing With Disappointment

Consider a time in your life when disappointment led to a period of discouragement. Without getting bogged down in the internal conversation, attempt to feel the emotion. I think it’s safe to assume that no one has never been disappointed in their life. When we don’t obtain the job we want, when a relationship ends, or when an event doesn’t go as planned, for example, it can happen. Depending on the severity of the circumstance and our coping mechanisms, disappointment may be a fleeting feeling or it may persist for a long time. throughout other words, we all suffer disappointment at different times throughout our lives.

When dealing with disappointment, though, practising self-compassion is just as crucial. For example, if a parent is critical of their child growing up, the youngster may become critical of themselves as well as feel devasted when things don’t go as planned. Here, self-compassion is crucial since research by Kristin Neff, a renowned expert in the field, demonstrates that it is self-compassion, not critical self-talk, that is the most effective strategy for coping with the pain brought on by disappointment. “Self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings after all, whoever said you were supposed to be perfect?” she says. “Rather than ruthlessly judging and criticising yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings.” According to her, we shouldn’t set our own goals on perfection.

Instead, we should acknowledge that we are constantly evolving and will inevitably make mistakes in the course of our lives. Self-compassion therefore entails learning to be kind to and understanding of ourselves when we go through challenging emotions, make mistakes, or deal with challenging life situations. Instead of self-criticism or self-judgment, it entails identifying our pain and responding to it with empathy and self-care. Can you relate to this in any way? Take into account how you treat yourself once you make a mistake. Do you condemn or critique yourself? Examples of such statements include “I should have known better” and “I can’t do anything right.” Our ability to navigate the challenges and complexities of life is not greatly aided by this kind of self-criticism. Because we are not taking into account our true emotions but instead reacting with a harsh and critical inner voice, it really takes us further away from healing.

Self-Compassion: Its Elements And Rewards

Self-kindness, shared humanity, and mindfulness are thus three necessary ingredients for the development of self-compassion. Self-kindness entails treating oneself with compassion and understanding when we are experiencing problems rather than severely critiquing ourselves. Recognizing our shared humanity entails understanding that hardship and imperfection are common aspects of the human condition. Being present and aware of our thoughts and feelings while avoiding judgement or overidentification is considered mindfulness. According to Kristin Neff, we should treat ourselves with the same respect and regard that we would extend to a good friend. “Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d extend to a good friend,” she writes.

When we face disappointment, there are several benefits to focusing on self-compassion, such as boosted resilience, enhanced general wellbeing, and a decrease in stress and anxiety. By engaging in self-compassion exercises and creating new neural connections in the brain, we are rewiring our nervous system. We are rewiring our brains and bodies to react to disappointment in other ways, and we’re probably going to feel better mentally and emotionally as a result. However, some people may find it difficult to practise self-compassion, especially if they had a traumatic childhood or had a dysfunctional upbringing. They might not be aware of a problem, and if they are, they might become angry when others criticise them. To overcome our childhood wounds, we must first build up enough momentum, which frequently requires taking one step forward and two steps back.

Self-Compassionately Addressing Your Inner Critic

So it begs the obvious question: How can we develop self-compassion when we’ve previously been critical of ourselves? Being conscious of our judgmental inner voice and paying attention to how we speak to ourselves are the first steps in this process. This acts as an example of self-compassion since we are paying attention to our internal conversation rather than reacting in a hasty manner with a judgmental inner voice. Second, it is important to recognise that disappointment is a common occurrence in life. A variety of attributes, including compassion, curiosity, clarity, and tranquillity, are believed to be part of the Self, which is considered to be the source of awareness. The Self is defined as a serene, focused presence that can watch and interact with various aspects of our selves without becoming overburdened or reactive.

The good news is that as we increase our mindfulness and self-compassion practices, we become more and more like this compassionate, inquisitive, clear, and serene Self. Therefore, instead of being overcome by unpleasant emotions when we encounter disappointment, we can interact with the sentiments using these four filters. Do you feel satisfied with your current comprehension? You probably have questions about how this relates to your circumstance, and I’ll urge you to conduct a simple exercise to clarify it in a moment. But for now, it’s critical to remember that treating ourselves kindly when we suffer disappointment is the antidote to self-criticism or self-judgement.

“When we offer ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts with the potential to completely transform our lives,” writes Tara Brach, a mindfulness teacher and author, in describing the significance of self-compassion. I invite you to think about the circumstance I asked you about in the first paragraph in light of this. Consider writing down your thoughts about the event that disappointed you in a journal or diary, if you keep one. Explore more and consider these questions:

  1. What did you see, hear, or feel that made you feel this way?
  2. Is there a childhood memory that you can connect to this experience?
  3. What lesson is the failure trying to teach?
  4. Can you find any hidden meanings in the depths of this disappointment?

Try to recall the disappointment you felt during that time in your life, even though it might not have been an exact replica of the experience. Until we examine, treat, and transform our childhood wounds, what we go through as children will be felt throughout our adult lives. In order to stop feeling humiliated, guilty, and let down by our disappointment, we must get to know it.

Hi, I’m Garima and I write about life experiences. I have several books available on Amazon. Check them out today! Any purchases or KDP reads will be greatly appreciated. If you like my books, do leave a review. Here’s my author page on Amazon –


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