Speak your truth and act on it, but don’t say anything you don’t mean!

Power battles, whether with a relative or a coworker, are a part of everyday life. When someone says something that we don’t agree with, we usually either disagree, argue, or remain silent. Our preferred mode of response aggressive, passive, or assertive defines our communication style most of the time.

Because they desire to avoid disputes, passive communicators choose to remain silent and are therefore unable to openly communicate their thoughts, feelings, and judgements. Typically, they avoid saying no to others or opt to let the other(s) make the decision. If this is how you often communicate, it might negatively affect you in two ways: first, you might feel conflicted and irritated since your crucial needs aren’t being satisfied. Second, while their wants are being satisfied, the way people behave badly towards you seldom changes. One who communicates mostly in a passive manner is seen to lose self-respect and develop a negative self-image. It can have a see-saw effect, when a person who has been passive in a relationship for a while will occasionally turn violent when they can no longer disregard certain crucial demands.

Aggressive communicators, who often communicate their ideas, thoughts, and feelings without regard for the ideas, opinions, or feelings of others, are at the other extreme of the communication spectrum. They prefer to utilise “you” expressions, criticise other viewpoints, and demand their perspective to be heard over all others. A few characteristics of aggressive communicators are “You never listen to what I say,” “You always come late,” and “You are so insensitive.”

‘You’ remarks are frequently heard. Does it sound okay? Do they promote listening or teamwork? They frequently have an accusing tone. Together, they limit the communication gap between individuals, damaging their connection, and they transmit judgement about the other(s) in question. In some circumstances, this fashion may be useful. It can help individuals concentrate, organise actions, and respond to orders quickly and unambiguously while escaping from a burning building or addressing other life-threatening circumstances.

Assertive communicators convey their thoughts, opinions, and feelings while giving adequate consideration to the other person(s), straddling the lines between passive and aggressive behaviour. They prefer to employ ‘I’ statements, are good listeners, and communicate honesty and openness via their words. The use of the ‘I’ phrase promotes effective communication. It conveys respect for the recipient and may be highly effective in resolving disputes. The most typical format for an I-statement is “I feel _ (express your feeling) when _ (describe the action that affects you or is related to the feeling) because .” I want______.” It is intended to target the conduct rather than the individual.

Examples.

1. Hypothesis: If a manager discovers that a worker has been arriving late for a week, they should refrain from telling them they are always late. What exactly is the issue? Say this: “It irritates me or makes me upset when someone arrives late every day. The workplace’s discipline is impacted (or whatever else is impacted should be noted). What exactly is the problem, please? The main distinction between a “I” statement and a “You” statement is that a “I” statement only discusses how the behaviour affects you or the task. It is the most efficient form of speaking. The goal is to alter the behaviour, not the individual!
2. Hypothetical situation: An employee designs a map incorrectly; rather than asking, “How can you make such a silly mistake?” The statement “The design got messed up because of a silly mistake” would be a preferable one. Every error we make costs us time and energy. We should strive to make as few mistakes as possible and be extremely clear about what we want to achieve. By 8 o’clock, I want it redone.
3. Teenager arrives late at home scenario. Rather than asking, “Why have you come so late?” Say, “When you arrive home late, I become nervous. Please arrive home on time. Children believe that their parents are trying to control them when they are asked a question. This could result in the parent and kid being emotionally more apart. Instead of raising your voice, say it louder. Rain, not thunder, is what cultivates flowers. the poet Rumi.

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