Don’t Hide The Real You

The Fake You That You Use to Get Validation and Approval Is Hiding Underneath the BS Persona. Quit pretending to be someone you’re not.

It must be incredibly exhausting to be a phoney. Isn’t it? Pretending to hold views you don’t actually hold out of fear of offending people if you’re a little politically incorrect. Pretending to be happy and modest while harbouring ambitions you’re hesitant to pursue. With that cringe-worthy corporate speak, “We provide synergistic solutions,” and that fake fucking grin on LinkedIn, you appear like a hostage. You are free to simply quit. As long as you’re not doing anyone harm, you can just live your existence however you want. This is how.

Who exactly are “Real You”?

The free soul is uncommon, but you can spot one when you see it because, in general, being around or with them makes you feel happy. Bukowski, Charles Consequently, how do you liberate your soul? It’s not you. You take stock of the free spirit you already possess and purge all extraneous material until it’s all that’s left. You generally have a good sense of whether you’re leading the life you know you want to lead. I’m sure you know. In the lack of external criticism, you would live the way you already know you want to live. If you didn’t require outside approval, this is how you would exist.

Essentially, the unbridled childlike form of yourself, the raw energy, with the maturity and fundamental social cues of an adult, is who you really are. No one would choke you. You are progressively locked into a mental cage after being born free. You start to develop social conditions. You have a recipe for a life spent in compliance with what other people want rather than what you want when you combine that with your innate need to fit in with the tribe. The person you would be if you weren’t in that prison is who you really are. The “real you” is self-sufficient. It is aware that it has all the necessities.

Why Do You Layer B.S. on Top of Your Life and Personality?

“If you’re ever inclined to seek approval from others, remember that doing so compromises your integrity. Be your own witness if you require one. — Epictetus. You’re terrified. While each of us has a variety of fears, on some level, we all just want to be loved and are concerned that if we are truthful to who we are, others won’t feel the same way. It’s not always literally the case that you feel the need to be loved by everyone you come into contact with; rather, it’s more of a movement in your everyday life that communicates that other people’s approval means more than your own.

And, as you have undoubtedly already discovered, that prevents you from taking advantage of many incredible opportunities. Additionally, it is exhausting to constantly feel as though you must put on a show. However, the majority of us elect to take this path because it is preferable to the other option, exposure. Insecurity is weakness. To protect yourself from being attacked, you put on more clothes. But there are two sides to everything in existence. You won’t be able to benefit from placing yourself out there if there is no risk of harm. This is how everything essential is organised.

So what are some of the fake layers we put on to hide ourselves?

  1. Personas are very popular on social media. To win people over, we adopt personalities and invent caricatures of ourselves. All of us are culpable of this in some way, whether in real life or online, even if we don’t do it in an offensive manner.
  2. Being too accommodating is possible. Yes, you want to get along with people well, but if you spend the rest of your life avoiding any kind of conflict, you’ll never succeed in your goals.
  3. Victimhood is a story we tell ourselves to stop us from achieving objectives that might hurt our egos. To at least have some influence over the bruising, we bleed first on ourselves.
  4. We feel the need to make things more complex than they already are because it is painful to acknowledge that many of the things that make us happy in life are actually quite simple and only require execution. Admitting we’re simply not performing is difficult.
  5. Incongruence — When we feel the need to change who we are or how we act based on the people we are with, our personalities become out of sync.
  6. Political correctness — There are a lot of people in society today who act as though they think things they don’t in order to fit in. Their merit? They are permitted to follow the throng.
  7. Accepting the story as true — People will deceive themselves into thinking they enjoy living a certain manner when they don’t. Every day I encounter courteous corporate types in my city who are slightly passively aggressive and stifled, demonstrating this phenomenon.

Do you realise how much more difficult life can be when you have all these extra levels of BS on top of your personality? Yeah. My flaws are obvious. Many of these are issues I personally battle with, and I constantly think about addition by removing things. Consider some of the areas we can improve.

How to Develop Into the Real You

“You are already aware of what needs to be done and how to go about doing it. What is preventing you? – Tim Grover. Concentrate on peeling back the layers. However, don’t punish yourself for wearing clothes in the first place. It’s difficult to describe. You are aware that you must let go, but if you feel like you must push yourself extremely hard to do so, you are setting yourself up for failure. For me? Just to keep myself from adding more BS on top, I attempt to remind myself. Just like a friend gently reminding you, “Hey, you realise you don’t have to do that, right?”

After that, I labour diligently throughout the day while avoiding exerting too much pressure. I make an effort to live my life, engage with others, and share aspects of my personality with them in an open and sensible manner. Simply maintaining the goal of keeping everything as simple as possible, even when it’s difficult. When you’re headed in the correct direction, you might start noticing some of the following behaviors, actions, beliefs, etc.

  1. You are in harmony, more specifically, your ideas, words, and deeds are in harmony.
  2. You are the same individual in all situations and around all types of people because you have congruence. Although you may make some minor adjustments, your fundamental nature stays the same.
  3. You select the proper objectives – You select your objectives based on what you desire. Not what the public desires. Not what your relatives and friends would prefer. Not at all what I want.
  4. You don’t conceal your true views to win people over; you are unapologetically and shamelessly you. You don’t degrade yourself to appease other people. You’re not doing anything that makes you feel embarrassed, so you’re not ashamed. Living behind those barriers makes you feel ashamed. Release them.
  5. You already know what you want — Some claim that this is a challenging procedure. Maybe. Or maybe if you didn’t worry about the labels, the approval, and the layers of BS, you’d be much clearer about what you desired.
  6. You are aware of who you are and the way the universe functions. You are aware of your values. Again, without the BS, you are just who you really are.
  7. You are aware of the kinds of people you enjoy spending time with and, perhaps more significantly, you are also aware of the kinds of people you prefer to avoid in your life.
  8. You make the commitments you keep to yourself; if you state you’ll do something, you follow through on them. This major internal conflict is no longer present. When you make a choice, you are committed to that choice.
  9. You exude assurance, but what exactly does that entail? It implies you have the ability and knowledge to deal with any situation that arises. Don’t you believe that once you permitted yourself to develop some competence, you would be competent? Letting go of the layers allows you to create.
  10. The ultimate objective is to do whatever the hell you want, right? You lead the life you want to lead, as long as you’re not harming anyone. You are in charge of your selfish wants as well as your lofty altruistic goals. You release your reserve. If you want something bad enough, just go for it because even the worst-case scenario isn’t that awful.

Unrestrained. No need for so many clothes. Only you. strong you, too. Think about how different your existence would be if you weren’t constantly feeling constrained. Imagine if you simply did what you wanted to do because you wanted to. And for the remainder of your life, you continued to do this every day. That would be fairly good, right?

Hi, I’m Garima and I write about life experiences. I have several books available on Amazon. Check them out today! Any purchases or KDP reads will be greatly appreciated. If you like my books, do leave a review. Here’s my author page on Amazon – https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0BQDZXYNV

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16 Comments Add yours

  1. sicetnon3 says:

    “…we all just want to be loved and are concerned that if we are truthful to who we are, others won’t feel the same way.” Yes, the only thing we need to know (and it is a need) is that we are loved, for that is what binds the universe together. There is no “and” after that realization. Our natural response and life then becomes one of gratitude. 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Correct. Love is everything. No “if”’or “but” or “perhaps”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great message. I totally agree.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Thank you Sir

      Like

  3. Rochdalestu says:

    This is absolutely fantastic 🙌 it’s so prevalent in today’s society. The irony of it is that if a person read this, who displayed these characteristics, they’ll see it and then simply ignore it!
    I read Alan Watts book about the Taboo of Knowing Who You Are, it’s a great read it you haven’t read it already, he said trying to define ourselves is like trying to bite your own teeth. It’s others who describe us in the behaviours they display towards us. Our interactions. It’s like looking into a mirror and seeing the reflection. However, mirrors are distorted and as such not a true reflection of ourselves. In another text of his I read used the analogy of things being described as beautiful or pretty etc yet the words don’t describe what the item is. The word water means a substance that is a liquid and wet but water as word is neither of these things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say. A person isn’t beautiful but it’s how you feel about them. Basically the point that he made was the key to being alive and all the things that you are naturally, is by simply existing.
    You are so right about the pretentious way people act and how they crave attention from others who are equally consumed with adoration of others who are insignificant to them really. I don’t have any social media platforms as I have my friends who I can ring or visit when I want. Everything that glistens isn’t always gold and the virtual insanity has become more credible than knowing what is important.
    Alas, I don’t have a better understanding or think I’m right with this as I have a different opinion. I’m just thankful that I had the insight to see what a circus is being created, ringmaster Zuckerberg and Elon Musk trying to get Twitter to relax the criteria for tweets. Why didn’t he just form a new platform? It’s possibly all changed now though as I don’t watch the news or anything on tv.
    I have come up with an idea for the entire population of earth. Everyone is giving a tab of acid/psilocybin and then we all take it at the same time in unison. See what happens and if it’s the answer 🤣
    Hope you have a wonderful Easter 🐣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      I would love to hear your ideas about Earth. Happy Easter.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rochdalestu says:

        Hope your Easter has been enjoyable and you have had a nice time 🤗
        Regarding my opinion on Earth, I’ve only seen a small proportion of it to be able to comment concisely and comprehensively about it. I live in England and I think as a country we are still bullying smaller countries (as in the other 3 countries in uk) and then using the relationship with the USA as a kind of deterrent to others (as in the “you know my Uncle Sam?” terms). There’s one fundamental problem with the UK in my opinion and it is just that the country needs to get its own house in order before it gets involved in the running of someone else’s house. I’m not well versed enough to comment about other countries as Portugal is the only other country that I have lived. I see plenty of stuff on TV regarding USA and yet I watched a film on Gettesberg (Spelling may be wrong) and Civil War that told me more about the country than anything. It’s not a country that has a war or conflict but it’s when we get people wanting what others have. Greed I guess. We have a desire to destroy each other rather than design a future for each other. Earth itself is providing us with the greatest opportunity to succeed. We are so ignorant to learn that from our own mistakes. In the bible (not for everyone I know and I’m not preaching) it says that basically what is on the earth is for you to use. Good and bad and the learning curve of what is what obviously. So it means that you have the ability to consume certain foods and then you’ll be able to as chemistry describes ADME (Absorption, distribution, metabolism and excretion). So anything you come across that is manufactured or synthetic like those legal highs, medication that is synthetic etc etc it will cause damage and even death from the body’s inability to process it properly. Imagine that earth is your body and the synthetic product is plastic! It’s the same principle. The earth isn’t capable of dealing with it as it is something we have made and it’s really something we don’t need.

        You and I are both living in the present moment and on Earth. So we’re equally qualified to have a opinion of what is going on and how it is to be here and living it. It’s very seldom seen that a news channel or broadcast or something like that goes to a member of the public who is impacted by something and asks their opinion? It’s always a so called expert on the subject. We have something happen in the UK regarding the prime minister and the news interview someone from the opposition party. Crazy

        Liked by 1 person

      2. GS says:

        Given the fast pace and hectic schedules most of us keep, a base level of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness is the new norm. You may not even realize it, but this tendency to get sucked into the past and the future can leave you perpetually worn out and feeling out of touch with yourself.

        The cure for this condition is what so many people have been saying all along: conscious awareness and a commitment to staying in the “now.” Living in the present moment is the solution to a problem you may not have known you had.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Rochdalestu says:

        You’re so right. It’s a vicious circle with the only real solution being the one that works for you. Since I was given my diagnosis of a mental illness it has provided me with a different perspective. There’s no right or wrong though, it’s just a case of being content with yourself

        Liked by 1 person

      4. GS says:

        Absolutely. If you are content with yourself, you are more likely to be a good friend, partner, parent. You are more likely to be happy and friendly and loving, more likely to be as accepting of others as you are of yourself. Relationships improve, especially when others learn to be content with themselves, from your example.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Rochdalestu says:

        True perfection has to be imperfect

        Liked by 1 person

      6. GS says:

        Ah beautiful…yess

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Rochdalestu says:

        I’ve been meaning to write something down on what it means to me, true perfection has to be imperfect. There’s no right or wrong answer i guess as everyone is unique, every explanation will be. Since I was diagnosed with bipolar and medicated, which brings it’s own issues, i started to blog and I never wrote anything really. Now I have this as a place to look back on what I wrote and such. I have also refreshingly seen that if two people have a different perspective then they accept it and look at the other perspective and understand etc etc. I’ve learnt a great deal from reading others views.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. GS says:

        I rarely get stuck, but when I do, I put my writing on hold. Allow it to sit and ferment. Don’t even think about your story—your subconscious will be working on it while you’re doing something else. When your subconscious is through incubating, it will notify you, and when you return to the story with fresh eyes, you will be shocked at how much work has been done. Let your subconscious work, Roch.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. cadeegirl5 says:

    I enjoyed your statement, “You don’t conceal your true views to win people over.” That is true; if you do not reveal your truth, you are lying to others and yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. GS says:

      Absolutely correct

      Like

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