A Real-Life Look at Why Friendship Might Be the Point

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We don’t talk enough about the purpose of friendship. We talk about romance, careers, self-growth, healing, all the big headline topics, but friendship somehow gets treated like a bonus feature. Nice to have. Optional. Something that’s supposed to “just work” if you’re doing life right.

But the longer I pay attention, the more I’m convinced friendship isn’t a side dish. It’s the main course.

I used to think friends were mostly for fun. People you laugh with, vent to, go out with when you need a break from responsibilities. And yes, that’s part of it. But that definition barely scratches the surface. Friendship does something much deeper, something quieter, something that holds you together in ways you don’t fully notice until it’s missing.

Friendship gives context to your life. It’s the place where your experiences land and make sense. When something good happens, friends are who you tell so the moment feels real. When something hard happens, friends are who help you remember who you are when you forget.

I started noticing this during ordinary moments, not big crises. Sitting on a couch. Walking nowhere in particular. Talking about nothing important. Somehow those moments mattered just as much as the big talks. Friendship isn’t always about advice or problem-solving. A lot of the time, it’s about being witnessed.

Being seen without having to explain yourself is powerful.

One of the purposes of friendship is regulation. We don’t use that word much outside of therapy spaces, but it’s true. When you’re with people who feel safe, your body calms down. Your nervous system relaxes. You breathe differently. You don’t have to be “on.” That alone is a form of care.

I noticed this when I stopped trying to optimize every interaction. I stopped thinking friendships had to be productive or deep all the time. Some of the best connections came from low-effort presence. Sitting together while doing separate things. Sharing silence without it feeling awkward. That’s when I realized friendship isn’t about constant engagement. It’s about consistency.

That’s why small rituals matter. Weekly walks. Random check-in texts. Sitting with coffee and no agenda. One thing that supported those rituals for me was something as simple as a good travel mug from Amazon. Sounds silly, but having something warm in my hands made slowing down feel intentional. Friendship often happens when you stop rushing.

Another purpose of friendship is identity reflection. Friends hold mirrors for you. They remember versions of you you’ve outgrown and remind you how far you’ve come. They also call you out when you’re drifting away from yourself. Not harshly. Honestly.

I’ve learned that the friends who matter most aren’t the ones who agree with everything you say. They’re the ones who know how to disagree without threatening the relationship. That kind of safety doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built through trust, time, and shared experiences.

Friendship also teaches you how to love without possession. Unlike romantic relationships, friendships don’t come with scripts or milestones. There’s no “next step” you’re supposed to hit. That freedom is the point. You choose each other again and again without obligation.

That choice matters.

I also think friendship exists to remind us we’re not meant to do life alone, even when we’re capable. Independence is celebrated, but interdependence is what actually sustains us. Friends are the people you lean on without keeping score. The ones who show up not because they have to, but because they want to.

And yes, friendships change. That’s part of their purpose too. Some friends walk with you through entire decades. Others walk with you through specific chapters. Both matter. A friendship ending or shifting doesn’t mean it failed. It means it served its role at the time.

During seasons when friendships felt distant or changing, I leaned more into reflection. A simple lined journal helped me process without turning every feeling into a story of blame. Writing reminded me that missing someone doesn’t mean you’re meant to stay stuck in the past. It just means the connection mattered.

Another underrated purpose of friendship is joy without pressure. Friends are where you get to be playful again. Where you don’t have to be impressive. Where you can be ridiculous and unpolished. Laughter with friends hits differently because it doesn’t require performance.

That kind of joy is restorative.

Friendship also anchors you during change. When careers shift, relationships evolve, or life feels unstable, friends provide continuity. They remind you that even when circumstances change, connection doesn’t have to disappear.

I noticed this most during walks. Not power walks. Just wandering. Talking things out while moving helped conversations flow naturally. A pair of comfortable walking shoes made those moments easier to say yes to. Again, small things create space for connection.

The purpose of friendship isn’t to fill every need. That’s too much pressure. It’s to share the load. To lighten life. To make meaning together. To feel less alone in your thoughts.

And maybe most importantly, friendship teaches you how to show up. How to listen. How to be patient. How to care without fixing. Those skills ripple into every other relationship in your life.

If you’ve ever felt like friendship should feel more intentional than it does, you’re not wrong. It deserves attention. Not perfection. Just care.

I write about these kinds of quiet truths in my newsletter. The stuff we all live but don’t always name. If you want thoughtful reflections on relationships, growth, and navigating life without pretending you have it all figured out, you’re welcome to sign up. It’s meant to feel like a conversation, not content.

So I’ll end with this question, because it’s one worth sitting with: who are the people who make your life feel more like itself?

Those connections aren’t extra. They’re essential.

Friendship isn’t something you fit in after everything else is handled. It’s one of the reasons everything else feels worth handling in the first place.

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One response to “So… What Are Friends Actually For?”

  1. Friends can often offer guidance in something difficult

    Liked by 1 person

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